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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to spend on my ‘step’ daughters?

360 replies

sohappens · 18/10/2025 18:07

Genuinely not sure if I’m in the wrong or not! Brief backstory - met my boyfriend 18 months ago. All good and very happy. We introduced our kids into it about 4 months ago. Again all good, we all get along. I have two boys aged 10 and 13, he has 2 girls similiar ages. I’m a high earner, he isn’t. This isn’t an issue, he pays his way and works hard in a job he loves- it’s a role that serves vulnerable people and he’s amazing at it. Anyway the issue is his ex (the girls’ mum). I give my boys £20 each a week pocket money. Once we all started spending time together as a family, I started giving the same to the girls. They’re all sensible ish with the money. They spend it on shit on Roblox but they all save too. The mum only found out when the girls brought her a £50 birthday present and she asked where they got the money from. She’s gone mad about it- saying I’m trying to buy their love and that it’s too much money for their ages. She has demanded that I stop. What do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
sohappens · 18/10/2025 18:25

itsgettingweird · 18/10/2025 18:23

The girls clearly don’t see it as you buying their love. They spent half of it on their mum!!! They sound lovely children.

They are lovely. They also donate to a couple of charities too bless them

OP posts:
Original poster
sohappens · 18/10/2025 18:24

Yes but why?? Everyone is saying it’s too much but why is it too much? x

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 18/10/2025 18:23

The girls clearly don’t see it as you buying their love. They spent half of it on their mum!!! They sound lovely children.

HarrisonsHair · 18/10/2025 18:23

I think you should have checked with her via their dad before you started giving them money, it's a bit of an overstep. It's kind of you though

ComfortFoodCafe · 18/10/2025 18:23

£20 a week is a lot. I think you should be respectful of her wishes and at least give less.

Original poster
sohappens · 18/10/2025 18:23

Bacon why is it insane?

OP posts:
BaconCheeses · 18/10/2025 18:22

Obviously because its either more than mum gives, which is way overstepping, or less, which means kids are getting £40pw pocket money, which is insane.

ACynicalDad · 18/10/2025 18:21

I think it’s a lot for your kids and the step ones, but very kind to treat them all equally. This is a very hard one to square.

Original poster
sohappens · 18/10/2025 18:18

Vivienne- can I ask why you wouldn’t be happy about it ?

OP posts:
VivienneDelacroix · 18/10/2025 18:16

£20 a week is a lot for those ages. I'd not be happy with that if I was their mum either. My 11 year old gets £5 a week and this is more than enough. My 16 year old gets £10 a week and saves it mostly. He might spend a quarter of it per month.
I think you need to speak to their mum and explain your reasoning, but also be prepared to respect her wishes. If it was coming from their dad it would be different, but I'd presume then that he would have spoken to his ex about what is reasonable before giving it.