Why do British people (at least on MN!) Have such issues with adults celebrating birthdays?

i feel the same. I can’t imagine asking people to celebrate me and my existence! I would not be comfortable being the centre of attention either.
I didn’t like my birthdays as a child due to divorced parents so maybe it’s because of that. Love other peoples birthdays though and enjoy celebrating them. Have a nice next birthday @Dontletthebedbugsbite2 !

I agree and I also think this attitude is particularly directed towards women. Women in particular needing to be people pleasers and modest and humble to the extreme.

I thought about this recently whenever anyone used to compliment me I would brush it off or deny it as if it would be hugely egotistical to accept a compliment. It isnt, at all. Now I've realised I simply say "thank you!".

I think the birthday thing is the same - it's a hangover from the time when you shouldn't "make a fuss" about yourself. Sad.

Because the fun now can cost a lot of money. It's not just birthday drinks or a meal, it's 'my birthday weekend' or even worse 'birthday week'. This would make my life a whole lot harder and more stressful if everyone of my friends wanted celebrations that cost me money.

Is it the age demographic? For my mother , the worst crime a child could commit was “showing off” . If a child was basically not a cowed , scared of adults little people pleaser they were described as having “a lot off” and that was a terrible thing. It was girls she aimed it at . So have some of us taken that through to adulthood and struggle with what we see as showing off ie getting a normal amount of celebration?

It’s not.

There are things I’d like that I can afford that I just don’t prioritise because they feel frivolous. Or sometimes someone who cares about me finds something I love that I’d never thought of or seen. I don’t have a DP or shared finances, incidentally.

I don’t have issue with celebrating birthdays (I’ve celebrated my own this weekend) but I don’t understand the people who pop up aggrieved that nobody has remembered but then admit they’ve deliberately said nothing about it, like they’re setting a trap and are delighted to be able to play the victim and seethe about it.

That’s not how it works with anyone I know in real life. It’d be ‘I fancy trying that new restaurant for my birthday next week’ or ‘I’ve booked the day off for my birthday so I’m going to have a spa day if you don’t mind picking the kids up’ or whatever. Birthdays and other special events are just a natural part of conversation and planning the family calendar.

I've never experienced this in real life and didn't even know it was a thing on here!

But why would they not buy it if they wanted it? If it's a matter of feeling they can't afford it, then surely it's the same if their partner buys it, assuming that thet share finances. I realize that it's different if they don't, or if one partner earns much more than the other.

I do quite enjoy exchanging gifts, so it's hardly something I criticize people for- I was just a bit puzzled by the reason that you gave.

That's a bit cynical and I say it as a dyed-in-the-wool hater of my birthday.,Most people have at least some people who are interested in them, and in whom they're interested. And theres no narcissism in that.

Personally, I strongly prefer not to be pressed to celebrate the fact that my age is now a New Number, and I'm a year closer to death, and closer to having increased health problems, and closer to having to retire whether I want to or not, and etc. etc. But evidently a majority of people feel differently about their birthdays, and if I care about someone, I respect their wishes for birthday acknowledgements, just as I want them to respect my wishes to have mine ignored.

Oh, and I'm not competively miserable, and I do enjoy good food and keeping warm and Easter eggs!

Exactly. @Cynic17 are you not even a little bit interested in the fact that people you live have survived another year? Odd.

But Dont you want to choose something for each other, to make each other happy? Maybe something the other person wanted but wouldn’t buy?

I agree with you, @BlazesBoylansHat - we celebrate adults’ birthdays in our family. But I don’t expect anyone else to celebrate me, if they don’t want to, and I wouldn't judge someone who chose not to celebrate their birthday.

Life can be hard work, and pretty depressing, a lot of the time, so what is wrong with having a celebration?

It’s that someone else has thought about what might make you happy. Not rocket science, really.

To defend the British a bit a lot of fuss is made about children’s birthdays. We lived in a very diverse area for a while and struggled because it wasn’t in people’s culture to invite friends round to celebrate birthdays. People seemed to just do things with family as we were hosting whole class parties!

‘Modest gifts’? This sounds a bit fun-spongey. And people don't, on the whole, ‘demand’ people attend yhings. They invite them. I like to do things with my friends and am happy to spend some of my own fun budget on their events.

Because it's just narcissism to think that anybody is the slightest bit interested in you and the fact that you've survived for another 365 days. Big deal!

Is that honestly how you feel about the people you love? Not the slightest bit interested in them? That's an extreme and unusual attitude.

It's my birthday next month, DD has already asked me to put a list of what I want, on the family whatsapp group...and if i have booked the cafe i said we could go for lunch.....because we like celebrating birthdays! I will go out twice for my birthday because its midweek and DD is at uni, so going out once with wider family, and then again with DD at the weekend. Even DH , who is generally quite grumpy, usually wants to go out for a meal to celebrate his birthday.
Im already thinking about what I want to do for my 50th and thats more than 2 years away.

I feel sorry for the kids of parents like this, if they really believe that about narcissism then what other messages are they sending their kids about feeling special, cared for loved etc.
i presume it’s generational stuff 😔

I think you should probably look up ‘narcissism’.

Clue — it has nothing to do with enjoying your birthday.

Because it's just narcissism to think that anybody is the slightest bit interested in you and the fact that you've survived for another 365 days. Big deal!

Having said that, I spend a fortune on presents and cards for other people who seemingly like their own birthdays. I do it because it makes them happy, but I stil don't understand it.
Being fussed over for my own birthday is simply embarassing - passing an exam would be fine, it's an achievement, but a birthday is just "nothing". Fortunately, I've managed to now convince most of my friends to ignore it.

We don’t bother with presents for each other. After 40 years we can buy our own ones.

That's nice. I always find presents between couples a bit strange, even though dh and I do still do it too! When you think about it if you've been married a while the money is both of yours anyway really so it's just like buying it for yourself in a way.

Why do gifts have to be modest? My dh bought me a Range Rover for my birthday, because he can - why should he buy me a trio of soaps instead when it literally affects nobody but us and our finances?