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Original poster

Letting your teen go out

31 replies

Orangeandgold · 18/10/2025 14:17

My teen is 14 and I feel like I am struggling to get the balance of letting her go out and be independent vs when I should be strict and not let her go out.

We live in London, I grew up in London and I know how crazy it can get. But I also do trust her to be out and come back. The thing that I do not trust are other people that tend to pry on teens. So whilst I do let her out every now and then - the condition is she has to have a plan. I don’t like the idea of her just being out for the sake of being out and hanging out in parks and hanging out at shopping centres without a reason.

However, she does have one particular friend whose mum is the complete opposite, this mum believes that if you do not let your teen explore they will rebel later on. However, I am hearing all sorts of stories about her teen (from my daughter and other mums), she’s had a new boyfriend every month. She is usually out with groups of boys. She is known by the group of boys that you would normally see doing wheelies during school hours.

So I want to know what letting your teen out looks like for you. Do they have a curfew. Can they just leave the house whenever they want? Do they have to let you know in advance where they are? Do you track their whereabouts on your phone? Do you drop them off and pick them up? Do you let them make their own way back depending on how far they’ve decided to go?

I have all of these questions. As I feel very uneasy, but I understand it’s important for her to see her friends.

I’m definitely more on the strict side. I want to hear from others.

Unreasonable - let her out!
Reasonable - strict is good

OP posts:
FlamingoBiscuits · 18/10/2025 14:31

I like my teens to go out and about within reason.

Mine do lots of structured activities so they usually have somewhere they have to be by a certain time which curtains them somewhat (and helps them get enough sleep as there always something they don't want to be too tired for).

I encourage mine to say yes to being invited out, I encourage them to use public transport and to develop independence and resourcefulness.

We have a tracking app, their debit cards are linked to my account so I get a notification when they get on the bus etc, I have their friend's mum's numbers.

Octavia64 · 18/10/2025 14:26

Teens don’t do plans in my experience.

it’s all oh, Fred’s here and we’re walking back with him and the weather’s nice so let’s get an ice cream and sit in the park.

if you want to know where she is ask her to do tracking on her phone.

does she have to come straight home from school or is she allowed to stop at friend’s houses or the park or whatever?

thisishowloween · 18/10/2025 14:25

Reading posts like this makes me so glad I'm not a teenager.

She's 14 years old. Give her a key and a curfew and let her go out with her mates. The more you control, the more she'll resent you.

BlueMum16 · 18/10/2025 14:24

My DC went to clubs at 14 and still do now at 16/17. Nights filled with sport and hobbies leaves little time for wandering the streets.

My DD likes going to the local shops or cafe on a Saturday afternoon for cake/ice cream. Neither of my DC has just walked around during the evening.

Cece92 · 18/10/2025 14:21

It is hard. My DD12 barely goes out I stay in a village. She has a couple friends who are trustworthy but she went from always being out crack of dawn to now never out. I’m strict with times checking in etc and I do trust her. She doesn’t go very far if she is out. If I was in a town or city I think I’d be a bit stricter xx

shampop · 18/10/2025 14:21

Oh it’s so tricky at this age isn’t it? My DS is nearly 14. I always have to know where he is going and who with. In the summer he did tend to ‘go out for the sake of being out and about’ but we live in a small market town so he was never too far. We always have family tracking app and can always see where one another is.

I do realise that I had a lot more freedom at his age. I also feel uncertain about how to navigate it in a couple of years or so when you have much less control.