No not have a party or a holiday abroad for my 50th birthday

I wanted a big party for my 50th. But...COVID lockdown.

Celebrate how you want to!

Expecting other people to do things is unreasonable . Having multiple holidays and inviting others is not.

I’m glad you arent my friend. What a horrible way to talk about her. You don’t seem to like her at all.
People who like parties can have parties. If people don’t like parties, they don’t have to attend.

It’s literally up to no one but you. I didn’t even go out for dinner. I spent the day hosting a lengthy play date for my 11 year old’s friends. I wasn’t feeling it. A friend who turned 50 shortly after had a huge party. Another did 7 marathons in seven days on seven continents. Another went on a silent retreat weekend. One never mentioned her birthday.

I did exactly what I wanted for my 50th - I went to Chester Zoo.

I'm old enough to do exactly what I want, not being beholden to the expectations of others. Do what you fancy, OP!

A textbook example of churlishness is that response you just gave. If you’re that resentful of buying gifts and attending parties for your “friends”, I’m surprised you have any.

Exactly this. It's like the big, all-out wedding. Where attendance requires travel, a hotel, an expensive gift and a fancy outfit. And a refused invitation is taken low-key as an insult.

I don't see how it's being churlish to find self importance and self obsession distinctly off putting. Especially because of the onus these people put on others to attend these functions and give gifts they may not be able to afford.

Of couse they can do what they like for their birthdays but I reserve the right to think it's self centered and unattractive.

This! People are different and like different things. I can’t see what’s cringy about it. I hate parties and do very simple things for my birthdays. A meal with my DP in a nice restaurant is perfect for me. Other people wouldn’t enjoy this. If a friend throws a party for a big birthday I see it as a completely normal thing to do ( just not something I do myself), I appreciate the invite and make an effort to show up even though I’m very much not a party person. It doesn’t mean they are self obsessed! ( although one person I know did take it to extremes planning literally weeks of events for her 40th and expecting people to spend a fortune on weekend trips to luxury hotels. Not a friend of mine and generally quite a narcissistic person)

It makes me cringe too. It's like saying 'Everyone should celebrate me! Look how important I am!'

I know people like this. They're also people who find it hard to see the perspectives of others (not understanding why everyone doesn't think like them). The purveyors of selfies on social media.

If you're an attention seeker, that's fine. But we're not all like that. Some of us don't want to be the centre of attention. Think of it as a positive. More limelight for those that want it.

Having a birthday party is one thing. In fact normal for a lot of people.

Having multiple parties and also holidays to celebrate a birthday is quite another.

There was a thread on MN earlier this year where where someone's relative was having MULTIPLE holidays to celebrate a birthday and expected the OP's H to be on all of them even though he had a very young child and family responsibilities.

If that isn't total overkill and self obsession i don't know what is.

Yet I do 🤣
My best friend was having one earlier this year for a big birthday and she’s quite in your face and loud when she’s excited and I was actually dreading going . I had to force myself to go coz I could imagine her being all over the top coz it was allllll about her and look at all the people who she can make think shes amazing …
the self indulgence that parties bring makes me cringe 🤣🤣

I had a big party for my 50th, and loved it. DH had a small dinner with friends at home, and we both loved that too.
There is no one way to celebrate, I would just tell those who complain about your arrangements that they can feel free to celebrate their birthdays, Christmases, Bar mitzvah, Christenings any way they like.

I don't get the fuss about Christmas celebrating the birth of a random baby nobody knew sometime in September.
At least your birthday is your special day and not a baby you didn't even know.

Haha I had a birthday year for my 40th with multiple trips. As a result we have lots of lovely memories or trips and special moments. Cringe all you like, I’m too busy loving life to be turning my nose up at other people’s choices.

As for the op, do what makes you happy. Sounds like you have a lovely plan that is what you want, and that’s what matters. Who cares what anyone else thinks.

Again a weird response to someone doing whatever they like for their own birthday.

The churlishness of some posters on this site regarding adult birthdays is astounding.

And, no, I don’t expect a big fuss on my birthday, I just don’t want to police anyone else who does.

I’m currently on a really nice family holiday abroad for this reason. But only because I wanted to do that. You should do what you want to do OP.

You don’t have to be self obsessed to want to have a big party with your friends! I mean, parties arent my thing, but when people invite me to one I don’t think ‘oh dear, how self obsessed of them’.

I also cringe at people who make a big fuss of their birthday and have a “birthday week”
it’s all for attention like they are the only people in the world to have their birthday around that time .
I don’t personally understand birthdays . Ok it was the day you was born but I don’t get the big deal 🤣 so I can never understand why other people make a fuss.
but then I don’t like attention or the focus being on me . i would die if anyone did me a surprise birthday party and I had to go round the room thanking people and them wanting hugs and me having to pretend how happy I am 🤮

ok I have issues lmao !

We had a big family holiday for my 50th, but I didn't want a party. Ultimately, just do what you are comfortable doing, but don't knock other people for celebrating in their own way.

What a weird reaction to someone else’s preference.

Perhaps because making an enormous fuss about their birthday and by implication expecting other people to make an enormous of them says something about their self obsession?

Your birthday your choice.

Im 60 next month and just inviting people to come to a pub we frequent the nearest Saturday. I can’t be doing with fuss and drama

Just tell people it’s what YOU want to do end of story.

I honestly don't see why people should be badgering you into celebrating YOUR birthday in a way you don't want .

It's absolutely ridiculous that so called adults think they need multiple parties, holidays and expensive presents just to tell the world it's the anniversary of the day they were born. It smacks of self obsession and self importance.

Fwiw it sounds as though you have got a nice balanced way of marking the occasion planned.: a family celebratory meal, a celebatory meal with your friends. And a treat for yourself.

So why let other people try and tell you how to organise your life?

Do what you want to do for your birthday.