No not have a party or a holiday abroad for my 50th birthday

Wow this puts me off organising any more parties - here I was thinking people were enjoying themselves and this thread makes me think some people are sniping behind my back about me being self obsessed and vain!
The comment from a pp about her ‘best friend’ was horrid, and so miserable it’s actually depressing. She invited who she thought is her best friend to celebrate her birthday and her first thought was that she was trying to get everyone to see how fabulous she was?? Really??? I would hope my best friends DO think I’m fabulous and love coming to have a party. Jesus that’s beyond depressing and I think you need some new friends. Or they do, actually.

You aren’t supposed to. You are just allowed to if you want to. I agree about the people making more effort to be there if it’s a birthday.

I didn’t know we were supposed to have holidays for big birthdays! Now i have 5 months to plan one for the big 5 0 !

But in general I usually use my birthday to make all my friends go to the pub on the same day as they make more effort when there is a reason eg birthday. I would hate to have to organise a proper party.

That was your choice, indeed.
So if I refrain from calling you a curmudgeonly misery guts for choosing that can you refrain from calling people who do celebrate vain?
Honestly, what makes someone on their birthday important to me is that I care about them ahd it’s day in the year (arbitrary, I know, and I do show I care at other times to) that I can show it and make a fuss of them. Most people feel like this, so when we invite friends to celebrate our birthday with us we assume they will come in that spirit. Adults are allowed to have fun and even to sometimes want people to celebrate their existence!

Both DH and I are 50 next year and we have nothing extra planned . We will go out for a meal and we will have a nice family holiday but we still have young DC so won’t be heading off anywhere on a couples holiday. I’m not into a big drama just because it’s a 40th or 50th or whatever I think it’s really about how you all treat each other on a day to day basis. Like buying nice chocolate you know the person likes if you know they are stressed or whatever. DH brought me some nice flowers last week as he knew the DC had driven me mad that day. DS was born a few weeks after my 39th birthday and while that’s not a milestone I was exhausted and miserable do DH got his Bil who is a chef to help prep a lovely birthday tea party for me and sil snd my own sister and nephews were all there to surprise me when I got home from work and it was one of my nicest evenings ever .

You're already having 3 events, which in my book is 3 too many. I really don't understand adults who make a fuss about their own birthdays - the vanity! What makes them think that they are so important?

I was 60 this year, spent it on my own away from home and completely ignored it. Not a single soul wished me happy birthday - it was fabulous.

The point is - that was my choice. So, OP, you can do whatever you want as well - it's entirely up to you.

This is sad. That you think you don’t mean anything I mean. I often don’t see people on my actual birthday - everyone is busy, I don’t see it as a reflection on me. Your friend is being a bit crap, though I agree.
As for the in between birthdays being ‘just another day’ - stop that! Do something fun on them!

Happy 40th x

I've read this and it made me cry. I've just turned 40 two days ago. My husband was a darling and took me and the kids out for dinner and me to a lovely facial spa treatment after. My best friend sent flowers but was too busy to do anything else. She has people coming over in 2 weeks time so apparently that means she's too stressed to do anything for me. One sibling called and is sending a gift. My mum texted me and I'll see her tomorrow but doubt she's got much planned. That's it. That's the height of what I matter to the world. So all this to say, I think no, you're not being unreasonable to want things the way you want them if that's what makes you happy. I'd have loved a party but nobody would have come. Your 30th 40th 50th etc are supposed to be a big deal. That's why you put up with all the ones in between being basically just another day, isn't it?

Fucking hell some people have joy in their lives sorry that makes you feel embarrassed

That’s all a bit in the eye if the beholder isn’t it? What’s wrong with wanting lots of fun things around your birthday? As long as you don’t put pressure on anyone else to join it’s fine. I had a 60 for 60 list of things I wanted to do for mine last year - still not through them all. I find one then ask if anyone wants to join me. If nobody does, I do it alone. It’s been fab.
I went out for dinner twice with different friend/family groups around my actual birthday - largely because people are busy and not everyone could make the same dates. Also fab. Nobody was under any pressure to pay for anything they didn’t want to or to buy me a present. In fact only people who normally buy me something did, so the others obviously didn’t feel pressure that it was ‘special’.

gosh with best friends like you who needs enemies

I agree, too. My grandmother was very social and she loved getting all the family together and seeing the long lost cousins. It wasn't that she wanted it all about her, it was her treat to see everyone and she thought parties were a lot of fun.

Really? Birthdays are getting out of hand, or rather expectations. 2 meals with family and seeing friends seems a lot to me. Not sure when the term “big birthday” was coined but they really weren’t a big deal until fairly recently, 40th being the exception

It seems so self absorbed that you would think other people would be interested in your birthday unless you are 4.
Well I'm interested in my friend's and my families and enjoy doing things with them on their birthdays. Why not? When a lot of things in the world can make you feel a bit joyless, its nice to be around families and friends celebrating with them.

I keep in mind that ive lost quite a few family and friends in the last 5 years so although their days are gone I can still celebrate and make the most of those still with us! ( that sounds more morbid than I intended it to!)

One friend had a "birthday year" for her 60th. Multiple parties, spa weekend, holidays etc.
Many of our group turned 60 this year and some next. We made a pact last year to do something like this and its been great. Weve enjoyed planning and doing different things. We've had great fun. Again, why not if it makes people happy?

No, I don’t know that.
@Mum2twoandacockapoo wrote “the self indulgence that parties bring makes me cringe”
@isitmyturn wrote “It seems so self absorbed that you would think other people would be interested in your birthday unless you are 4”
@Slightyamusedandsilly wrote “It makes me cringe too. It's like saying 'Everyone should celebrate me! Look how important I am!'”
You wrote “Perhaps because making an enormous fuss about their birthday and by implication expecting other people to make an enormous of them says something about their self obsession?” - although you did then claim you meant people having multiple parties.
Everyone else was definitely talking about simply having a party for your birthday. Like I’ve said, a party wouldn’t be my choice, and OP’s plans sound brilliant to me, but you can’t claim that lots of people on this thread haven’t suggested celebrating your birthday with anyone but your nearest relatives (and possibly not even them) is self obsessed.

Exactly.
Up to them.
Lots of people like parties.

Thats plenty, dont know why you would need a third thing. Its only a birthday!

Nope, you’ve made yourself very clear and there’s nothing wrong with my comprehension skills.

It seems so self absorbed that you would think other people would be interested in your birthday unless you are 4.
One friend had a "birthday year" for her 60th. Multiple parties, spa weekend, holidays etc.

I love to buy a gift and say happy birthday but that's enough.

@cardibach

The idea that anyone having a party is self obsessed and demanding is frankly bonkers.

Yes it would be bonkers if any one was actually saying that. But they aren't. As you well know.

I'm not a party person so to me a meal with my close family is just what I want. I am going to a nice restaurant rather than having a takeaway so it's more special for a big birthday.

I wouldn't say we don't make a fuss of birthdays in my family, we do nice food and presents so on but we are all quite introverted people so it is always pretty low key and we do stick to a sensible budget, partly because we have to.

A birthday is about you and your life so it should be celebrated in a way that reflects what you like to do.

How could you possibly be unreasonable to celebrate your birthday like this if you’re happy with it? 🤷🏻‍♀️

How is it churlish?

As I've said they are free to do what ever they like.

If you interpret what I've said as me being " resentful.of buying gifts and attending parties" then I think your powers of comprehenion need honing.

Requires?
Say no and don’t go.
The idea that anyone having a party is self obsessed and demanding is frankly bonkers. It’s perfectly normal - I wouldn’t do it, but I don’t make any judgement about people who do! Especially if they are my friends. I don’t know about you but I’m very fond of my friends and if they want to have a big party and that makes them happy, then I’m happy for them and attend if I can.