No not have a party or a holiday abroad for my 50th birthday

I think only two of my friends have ever had parties for ‘big birthdays’, which were 40ths. I don’t know anyone who’s done trips abroad with friends for a birthday. Honestly, I think most people really do just go out for dinner with friends or family, or have a few drinks. I don’t even do that! I’m 50 next year and the plan is just to do something nice with DP and nothing more.

Absolutely fine if people love a big fuss for their birthday - there’s nothing wrong with that at all! But it’s not for everyone.

How you celebrate your birthday, should, if at all possible, (given funds, logistics, commitments) reflect your personality and the things that make you happy. If you are an extrovert who loves parties, have one. If travel does it for you, book a holiday in the Andes or wherever. If you like nothing more than mountain-climbing, up Scafell Pike you go and so on. My preference is for a day out somewhere, including a nice lunch, so for my 60th, that's what we did.

The other "should" is that it's absolutely fine to have your preferences, but adults ought to be able to assert them without stampeding or guilt-tripping others into doing things they don't want to or can't afford. If your best friend can't make your big party at the Savoy because she's run off her feet with a poorly child, the only decent response is to wish her and her LO well and you'll bring her back some birthday cake. Likewise, adults can be trusted to celebrate their significant events as they see fit without sniping from the sidelines about their narcissism, egotism and other character flaws - and I say that as someone who doesn't like parties much. When I was young and student parties were a thing, I'd escape to the kitchen with a couple of other introverts to wash up and drink coffee. We managed this without being rude to and about those who were more sociable than us, which might be why we continued to be invited.

Yanbu - your plans sound perfect.

I spent my 50th in hospital but had a lovely day with my dc when I came home and was spoilt rotten.

Do what you want. You dont have to do a big party or go on holiday.

My sister did the works for her 50th year - an couple of big hoikdays shed allways wanted to do and finally had time for, . Just loved it.

I had a party my husband organised. I could even have done without that. I was just happy to be 50.

Everyone is different. Enjoy what you want.

YANBU, what you have planned sounds lovely - I hope you enjoy a wonderful time celebrating.

I was 50 last year and i dont celebrate birthdays.

it passed like any other day. Suits me. Some people like to receive gifts and be the centre of attention, i dont.

im very much an introvert and dont like gatherings

What a refreshing thread- I’m glad pretty much every poster has said ‘Do what you want to do on your birthday’
OP, do what you makes you happy. Enjoy the plans you have made. Anyone who thinks it’s too much can do their own low key or no celebrations for their own birthday. Anyone who wants more can plan their own smorgasbord of events for their birthday.

God some miserable people on this thread (probably with very few friends).

People can celebrate how they want and I love celebrating friends birthdays. It’s not self indulgent at all - what a nasty thing to say. Is it just women who are self indulgent and all about the ‘drama’ and ‘me me me’ or are we including men in that too?

I went to a fabulous 50th party last night. Such generous hosts, there was a food van, wine flowing, dancing. At no point did I think ‘gosh my friend is so self indulgent 😂’.

I love birthdays- you are celebrating being alive FFS. I mean don’t have a party if that’s not your thing (I probably won’t) but I can’t believe the misery guts on here. Don’t go to the parties if you don’t want to - bet you’re not much fun when you get there and not much of a friend either…

I suggest that you do exactly what you want to do !

I celebrated for a year for my last big birthday
I visited friends that live in different places
I did my sport hobbies
I had lots of holidays, plus a big holiday for 1 month somewhere exotic.

This was before covid. Therefore I had lots of wonderful memories & photos to think about during covid.

I love travelling, so this was exactly right for me !

As it doesn’t affect me in the slightest do what you like. I did have a party and also had a holiday in America, each to their own.

I went to Gran Canaria with my teenage daughter last year for my 50th for a week, I'm a single mum just us two. It was absolutely brilliant, relaxing by the pool and going out for dinner.
I don't like parties now, I don't really have any local friends anymore and I'm single I feel like a Billy No Mates anyway.

I hate a big fuss and being the centre of attention, we even got married in Vegas with just our daughter as a bridesmaid, it was lovely.

For my 50th we booked a lovely holiday abroad, two weeks before this our horse kicked out and broke my arm 🤦‍♀️, bye bye holiday.

Do what pleases you, you don’t have to entertain everyone else, it’s your day to celebrate how you want 🤓

Why would you question yourself just because others don't share your idea of great birthday plans? Surely, by this age, you know your own mind.

Your plans sound great btw!

I went for a meal with DP for my 50th then a weekend away with my family. It was just what I wanted, I didn't want a big fuss and I definitely didn't want to be centre of attention. My friends all had huge parties. Each to their own, your day, your way of celebrating

You do exactly as you want. It"s your birthday. Happy birthday!

i had a big party for my 50th.. hated every minute and so stressed.. never again. We get one life and it goes so fast. Do exactly what you want.

Or in other words "I've never understood why someone would want to spend time celebrating our short lives on this planet with the people they love" 😂

Force?

Every year we go away 4 times a year, those are my birthday, DH birthday, our Wedding anniversary and then just a random week!
celebrate how you want to

I'm amazed you're doing so much. I don't understand why people force others to celebrate their birthdays. It seems very egotistical and self indulgent.

Do whatever makes you happy OP. I’ve never wanted parties or fuss for any of my significant birthdays and I’ve been happy just having lunch or dinner with family and/or friends.

DH asked what I wanted to do on my 50th and I said I wanted to spend it in our favourite place in Greece which we did. My 60th was spent driving back from a wedding in Wales and we went out for a curry with friends when we got back. Absolutely perfect.

YANBU, absolutely up to you - my BIL and wife turn 50 next year. He wants a party, and that's the last thing she wants so they're doing their own things.

Why shouldn’t adults have joy? What’s the cut off? Or the reason?

Well, while that’s true it’s a very sad way to proceed. It’s another year in which you haven’t died!