To move my DS year 10 who has an ECHP from a mainstream secondary school whose target grades are around grades 2/3 to a Private School and ask DS to start year 8 in January at the Private School to a Private school and ask him

The school just want your money! What they’re suggesting is highly controversial and not in the best interest of your DS.

Honestly it sounds like the school is just after your money.

There is a small private school, local to us (only 100 kids in total from yr3 to yr11) which has become a go to for SEND parents in the area (despite it being a performing arts school!) precisely because children like your DS can be given the time and space to work at the level they need to, rather than being pushed forward in their age cohort. I agree that in traditional settings mixing ages wouldn’t go well but because this place is so small it seems to work. Lots of kids are also working towards specific drama and/or music exams alongside fewer academic qualifications, playing to their strengths and ambitions.

He could. Perhaps. But maybe he’d be happier and more successful doing something else less laborious. Academic qualifications aren’t the only way to a successful and happy life.

With his EHCP he can take a slow route through college.

He could do a year at level 1 followed by a year at level 2, whilst in parallel resitting maths and English Language or their functional skills equivalents.
Then he could go on to do a level 3 vocational for 2 years or even A levels if you can show he could access them with assistance.

I don’t think this is necessarily true. For some, maybe. But scraping to 4s with all the support that schools offer now, both technology and personal, doesn’t in any way suggest potential to get to degree level academically. On top of that, academic studies arent the b all and end all. Just because you enjoyed getting to them and met your DH at University doesn’t mean your DS will be unhappy, unfulfilled and single if he goes a different route v

❓ what is his diagnosis you're too vague for me to help.
❓ Will he be boarding
❓ Are you self funded

I'm not being nosey, just trying to help @redange

Your DD's academic achievements are irrelevant to your DS's.

I think you have come up with this plan because -
DD1 is a high achiever academically
DD2 is not on such a high achieving path but DH wants to pay £ to send her to a boarding school that he thinks will help her succeed
DS is struggling academically but DH has written him off as a lost cause

If this is the case, then of course you and your DH should be looking at how best to support your DS to achieve his potential. But that may not be putting him into a private school with lots of homework in a class with younger children. None of us know his EHCP requirements or the support he is receiving or requires or what his potential and financial situation is. But make your decision in his interests and not on the basis of how his GCSE grades might look compared to his sisters.

So what makes you think he’d fit in, academically or socially, at an academic private school in a class two years below his peer group?

I’d also be prepared that some of that class’s parents may have something to say about it - I’d be furious if a boy two years older than my daughter was in her class at secondary age and if I was paying for private school I wouldn’t be quiet about it.

I can understand why you think the current situation isn’t ideal for him but I can’t work out how you think your proposal is better.

The same is true of entry level/foundation courses though.

Round here specialist send schools dont do GCSEs. A small percentage of the academically stronger students may do some non assessed functional maths and English but they mostly focus on life skills - washing, changing the bed, shopping etc.

Very few could transfer into a L1 college course.

He sounds miles away from a specialist school but potentially a non- academic private school might be better.vnot one which is non selective at common entrance but then works hard to close the gap.

Ok. Not technically fails, fair point. But they won't open any doors to further FE options. He'd have to retake Maths and English to access further education courses

This doesn't sound like a good move for your DS. He has an ECHP and is predicted low scores at GCSE. Moving to a more academic, private or not, school is not going to change this.

Since your DH feels that DS will always be supported financially, why not find out what DS can do well and help him extend that. Perhaps he'd make a great golf/tennis pro or a fantastic salesman for a luxury sector (yachts? cruises? jewellry?) where his good background would be a strength. Is he capable at DT? He could craft amazing, high end furniture?

If DS has an ECHP he should probably stay in the state system. I have worked in a few independent schools and they are not really geared to help pupils like him.

I find it a horrible irony that the least able academically are given loads and loads of extra work to 'catch up' - more and more of the very thing they struggle to do, poor lambs. I'm terrible at sport so if someone had told me that instead of doing what I loved (playing an instrument, reading) in my free time I had to have extra practice e.g. catching and throwing, I'd have despaired.

2s and 3s aren't fails. They are lower grade passes. Entry level is below GCSE grade 1, so getting 2s and 3s shows higher ability than that.
A specialist school or one with a more nurtur8ng, less academic ethos sould be good though. And dropping 2 years is nonsense. I’d say the school is only offering that because they assume no parent would say yes - they don’t want your DS @redange

Why is he so achieving those grades? Is it that he's lacking the basics, or just isn't academic?

If he's lacking the basics, then a tutor can work wonders. Why not take him out of school to work with tutors to get the basics and then return next year to year 10?

If you feel he is academic just lacking concentration then a tutor again can work wonders. A tutor who understands that he needs to wriggle, needs constant reminders etc.

If he's not academic then what you're suggesting is setting him up badly. He'll be going into an academic school with children who are 2 years younger - and yes, they will find out, and he will be very aware of this. He is unlikely to find that suddenly he's at the top end, and if he's not academic, he's going to find it hard, and that the rest of them are moving ahead quicker. He won't go from struggling in year 10 to being breezily ahead in year 8 and staying that way.
He will blame himself and feel he's letting you down.

Much better for him if you can find a nurturing school, that will look after him, and give him options. Options that may not be taking an academic route, but will prepare him for working life - my dc's comprehensive has a track which does 1-2 days a week with a technical college and they can choose things like car maintenance. It's amazing for those who engage. They've had years of struggling to get anywhere on academics and suddenly they're doing something they may find they're good at. It gives them confidence which often then translates back. It motivates them because they are good at something, but also they suddenly can see the value of trying to get GCSE maths/English to get where they want to be next.

Don't compare him to your girls; give him a chance to show that he too can be brilliant, but in a different way.

It sounds like GCSEs aren't going to show any of your sons strengths - and definitelynot at a school that has 2 hours if homework a night. I'd stick with where he is, try and drop some subjects, and see if you can tutor to get a 4 in English and maths.

Then find the right college - both in terms of support and subjects, and get him away from gcses that only look at ability to recall and regurgitate in 2 hour blocks.

He needs to go to a specialist school OP.

What does the preamble about some relatives thinking your DD's "lack polish" have to do with any of this? Very odd.

Why is he not in a specialist SEND school? If those are his predicted grades, he shouldn't be taking them as he will fail everything, and there are other qualifications he could be achieving such as entry level, functional skills , etc.
putting him back 2 years isn't going to magically make home more able.

Would you be better cutting a couple of GCSEs to make the remainder more bearable? Then look into colleges at level 1 / level 2 with a suitable vocational course.

Depending on the reason for the EHCP a year or 2 may make him a bit more mature but is unlikely to increase academic capacity or capability much.

You cannot do this to him at all it’s madness

how about tutoring? Or accepting he isn’t his sister

It would be a really unkind thing to do and would isolate him from his own peers. That school isn’t right for him. He can leave with grade 2s, can do a college course and can do fine. He can do great.

The bullying does need sorting, support for him needs sorting but that doesn’t necessarily need any huge uprooting and allowing his contributions would be the single best thing you could do for his confidence and security.

If I found out a year 10 child was joining my child’s year 8 class, I would not be happy. At all. And would contact the school to discuss