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Original poster

Men suggesting home dates early on

420 replies

Sunshine386 · 18/10/2025 09:44

I met a guy online, been on a couple of dates in pubs, seem to get on well and have kissed at the end of both dates. He seems to be looking for something longer term.

Thing is, he is really pushing for home dates. He even suggested it as an option for the second date, saying he could come to mine to cook or I could go to his, but he also suggested pub dates which we did. There is some distance between where we live so I don't know if that's partly why he suggested coming to mine to make things easier for me. However I was taken aback by the suggestion this early on.

I am all for this intimacy if I'm seeing someone for a bit, but it's been two meetings, and I am in the phase where I want to get to know someone over a few dates and see if they are the right fit. He's suggested home dates again for a third meeting but also given a meal out as an option, saying home dates are a good way of getting to know each other. He looked slightly put out when I wanted to go out somewhere. He also said he's away dog sitting for a couple of days at another house and even suggested casually that I could go there with him.

Would anyone else find this a little pushy this early on and off putting, and like he is trying to rush things? Surely if you've suggested home dates once and the person is not going for it you should just wait for them to give the green light. For me I would want to be inviting someone from online for a home date maybe 5th or 6th date minimum

OP posts:
Helenalove · 18/10/2025 15:53

PussInBin20 · 18/10/2025 15:51

After two dates?? I wouldn’t call that “dating”, just someone you met twice!

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But who is judging the timeline? Surely its different for everyone. However they feel comfortable.

I know a couple who had sex on the first date and are have now been together for six years.

Footloosefiona · 18/10/2025 15:52

Helenalove · 18/10/2025 15:50

So you should think the same about what that poster said to me. That its "not her place" to say what she said to me.

She said that i have low personal, moral and hygienic standards, and that i open my zip to every joe down the road!

I don't think i've ever been insulted as badly in my life.

I have one sexual partner actually. And i have been seeing him for six months

But apparantly i am opening my zip to every joe down the road!

Wow. So nasty

Edited
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This is a forum where people exchange ideas/opinions and won't always agree.

If you think the post was inappropriate then report it to MN HQ

Helenalove · 18/10/2025 15:52

Footloosefiona · 18/10/2025 15:46

I don't think it's your place to tell other women that they need to change their mindset.

Women behave in the way they want when dating and it's neither "right" nor "wrong".

IMO it's not wise for people to get into a new sexual relationship with anyone without an STD test first - why take a chance on contracting a disease that could kill you?

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Also if the woman is allowed to behave how she wants and is not right or wrong.

Why is the man that the OP is seeing "wrong" for behaving how he wants to behave?

Seems to be a lot of double standarda on here

PussInBin20 · 18/10/2025 15:51

gannett · 18/10/2025 10:36

I really don't understand why wanting sex is a bad thing in a man you're dating.

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After two dates?? I wouldn’t call that “dating”, just someone you met twice!

Helenalove · 18/10/2025 15:50

Footloosefiona · 18/10/2025 15:46

I don't think it's your place to tell other women that they need to change their mindset.

Women behave in the way they want when dating and it's neither "right" nor "wrong".

IMO it's not wise for people to get into a new sexual relationship with anyone without an STD test first - why take a chance on contracting a disease that could kill you?

Edited
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So you should think the same about what that poster said to me. That its "not her place" to say what she said to me.

She said that i have low personal, moral and hygienic standards, and that i open my zip to every joe down the road!

I don't think i've ever been insulted as badly in my life.

I have one sexual partner actually. And i have been seeing him for six months

But apparantly i am opening my zip to every joe down the road!

Wow. So nasty

Footloosefiona · 18/10/2025 15:46

Helenalove · 18/10/2025 15:39

I think it's some women on here that need to change their mindset.

They seem to think sex as something that they give, and something that a man takes.

Sex is actually an equal thing.

Some Posters have also been convinced by society that casual sex is bad. And they cant have casual sex as this would make them a slut. That is not true.

These posters also seem to see sex as their most prized value, and so are worried about giving it up, as they think if they give it up, he wont stay around.

That will just get you into a worried state of thinking. See sex as an equal thing

I don't think it's your place to tell other women that they need to change their mindset.

Women behave in the way they want when dating and it's neither "right" nor "wrong".

IMO it's not wise for people to get into a new sexual relationship with anyone without an STD test first - why take a chance on contracting a disease that could kill you?

SomeHorse · 18/10/2025 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sec isn’t a moral issue, as long as everyone involved is free and consenting. Or, a hygienic one, either, unless you’re having unprotected sex.

Helenalove · 18/10/2025 15:39

I think it's some women on here that need to change their mindset.

They seem to think sex as something that they give, and something that a man takes.

Sex is actually an equal thing.

Some Posters have also been convinced by society that casual sex is bad. And they cant have casual sex as this would make them a slut. That is not true.

These posters also seem to see sex as their most prized value, and so are worried about giving it up, as they think if they give it up, he wont stay around.

That will just get you into a worried state of thinking. See sex as an equal thing

Helenalove · 18/10/2025 15:34

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Are you saying I don't have moral personal and hygienic standards?

I haven't even written how many men ive had sex with.

You seem to think that me having sex AT ALL with a man who doesn't want to marry me,

makes me a slut -and that i have low moral , personal and low hygienic standards.

Wow, is this the 1800s?

Helenalove · 18/10/2025 15:21

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Lol
Eh what? I didnt say that you had to have sex with everyone.

I said " have sex with who you want. And dont have sex with you don't want to.

Are you saying that i have no boundaries and I open my zip to every joe down the road?

Wow. Just wow. That tells me everything i need to know about you.

What does it matter how much sexual partners a woman has. Who are you to judge another woman. I never let myself be judged or slut shamed by other women.

There was one time that i didnt have sex for two years. Would i have been acceptable to you then?
There was ony year when i had sex with five people throughout the whole year. Would i not have been acceptable to you then? Why ? Why does it matter? Isnt it my choice?

I am now having sex with one man.

So don't say to me that i am opening my zip to every joe down the road.

Grow up. What a disgusting post

ReadingSoManyThreads · 18/10/2025 15:19

From what you've said, it sounds like he's either skint or just tight with money.

Either way, whether it's money related or wanting sex, he's got your guard up, which is a red flag. I'd just cut and run this early on.

MagnaICe · 18/10/2025 15:16

NebulousSupportPostcard · 18/10/2025 11:20

I'm appalled that he has invited you for a home date at the home of the dogs he is sitting! 😂

You can't know his motivations for sure; you can only talk and try to be clear as possible about your own perspective. If you feel pressured and he isn't responding in a way that takes your stated perspective into consideration, I'm thinking that you very likely have a compatibility issue and it may just be best to end the dating with him, and move on.

This says a lot about the opinion this man has about the OP and women in general, doesn't it. Sex for the sake of it, everywhere, why not even in a bush

Footloosefiona · 18/10/2025 15:14

TwistedWonder · 18/10/2025 15:08

It’s far more normal especially with OLD for women to pay their way in dating - although many men refuse, mist decent women at least offer to contribute.

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I agree, but there are activities to engage in (that I listed upthread) that are either free or don't cost much.

CruCru · 18/10/2025 15:13

Honestly? I expect that he is dating a few women and is finding it really expensive - a friend (who earns good money) said the early days of dating (he was recently divorced) cost loads.

It’s fair enough if he is dating more than one woman (it’s early days and you aren’t in a relationship) and it’s also fair enough if you aren’t ready for a “home date” yet. It would put me off because “home dates” are what you do when you are in a settled relationship, they are not that exciting.

MagnaICe · 18/10/2025 15:13

This reply has been deleted

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MagnaICe · 18/10/2025 15:11

Doodlingsquares · 18/10/2025 11:03

I do think people seem to be a bit unfair on blokes these days, so critical if the guy would quite like to have sex, is it so awful if a man clearly clearly fancies you and would quite like to have sex a few dates in? So many women seem to view that as like, predatory behaviour... Ladies if you dont fancy them throw them back? Plenty of adult women enjoy sex, its not like you are losing your virginity for the first time its just sex 😂

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Might be for you. I have moral, personal and !!!! -hygienic standards and do not regard my body as meat given to complete strangers.

Presenting your old self as someone with no standards, boundaries and open zip to every Joe down the road is very unflattering

Helenalove · 18/10/2025 15:10

MagnaICe · 18/10/2025 15:06

Because most women do not want to be used for sex and thrown away. The poster wants a relationship

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But saying women are "used for sex" devalues women.

You are decribing the man as the human and the woman as an object.

Two people have sex.

I have never felt used for sex as i only have sex when i want it, i dont have sex when i dont want it.

I also dont think that having sex with a man means that he must be in a relationship with me.

i also dont get hurt if a man moves on after dates and sex. He is allowed to move on if he wants. The same as i am allowed to break up and move on with him if i want.
If he moves on, i just move onto the next man. There are plenty of men out there.

I think some women on here need to change their mindset

TwistedWonder · 18/10/2025 15:08

MagnaICe · 18/10/2025 15:04

Yes but if you are a woman, we still live in a world where a decent man will pay the bill when you go out....so you can date. It just depends who...that is the problem really

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It’s far more normal especially with OLD for women to pay their way in dating - although many men refuse, mist decent women at least offer to contribute.

Payitforward55 · 18/10/2025 15:06

Sunshine386 · 18/10/2025 14:25

I've done a fair bit of dating and haven't previously had this issue where I am being pushed for home dates very early on like this, usually things just happens naturally and the other person seems to be able to read the room. Agree with posters, perhaps I need to be more direct, however people can generally pick up on signals like this regarding people's comfort levels so I'm wondering why he is not. Maybe he's used to having first or second date sex with all past partners and expects this?!

I don't think hes for you. Go with what your gut is telling you. Its a shame but you'll be the poster asking why are you being ghosted after an amazing home date. I think a more compatible match is out there for you.

MagnaICe · 18/10/2025 15:06

gannett · 18/10/2025 10:36

I really don't understand why wanting sex is a bad thing in a man you're dating.

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Because most women do not want to be used for sex and thrown away. The poster wants a relationship

MagnaICe · 18/10/2025 15:04

HelpMeUnpickThis · 18/10/2025 10:34

I totally get what everyone is saying about him just wanting sex / opportunities to have sex.

I also agree that ignoring your reaction or “seeming put out” is a red flag and also that you need to be safe.

BUT

I am finding life so expensive right now. I really cant afford to be eating out regularly or having drinks at pub prices a few times a week.

For this reason I am totally single, declining any approaches etc because I just cant afford to date.

Just wanted to mention that angle.

But overall, communicate clearly that you think it is too soon and then hold your boundary.

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Yes but if you are a woman, we still live in a world where a decent man will pay the bill when you go out....so you can date. It just depends who...that is the problem really

Footloosefiona · 18/10/2025 14:56

JHound · 18/10/2025 14:54

Just be mothers? What happened to the fathers?

Why are you blaming women for how grown adult men choose to behave?

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Have a look at the relationship boards and at the type of feckless fathers some females pick - that's your answer !

MagnaICe · 18/10/2025 14:56

YoureNotGoingOutLikeThat · 18/10/2025 14:25

A good point.

When I used OLD just prior to Lockdown, you could see the rise in fake profiles too. I never got inundated with dick pics or the like. Again, I seem to have been lucky.

I met my partner via OLD and the attraction for us both was pretty instant.

A couple of male friends also tried OLD and would come to me for advice as they didn't understand what the women they were hoping to date wanted and were under the impressioni that the women were keeping their options open. Men seem to think that women are inundated with matches and have a lot of choice.

Seems men and women don't always know what the other wants or expects.

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yes and this is why you have to make a check box what do you want from a relationship ...and stand by it, like a moral principle, otherwise everyone up and down the road will try and get a slice if your time, body or money

Helenalove · 18/10/2025 14:55

nomas · 18/10/2025 14:47

Because she has said she doesn’t want a date at home and he keeps pushing for it and getting put out. So he is wrong.

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He hasnt pushed for it. He has given her options every time. He asked what she wants to do. Would she rather go to her home or go out to dinner for example

ThatCyanCat · 18/10/2025 14:54

JHound · 18/10/2025 14:49

I have had a wank video before. Before our first date. He thought I would like to know how turned on he was by me the day before our date the following day.

I cancelled the date and blocked him. So gross!

I also had the guy who tried to drag me out of a taxi on our first date (I had the good sense to direct the taxi driver to drive us to his first) to his apartment ripping my top in the process. The poor taxi driver had to intervene.

I blocked him too.

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He literally tried to force you out of the taxi? So hard he tore your clothes and you needed to be helped? That's got to be criminal.

I think one reason why so many men can be so disgusting in dating is because they're doing what they'd find appealing in a woman. If the woman they've been seeing sent a sexy video of herself masturbating to the thought of him, they'd go wild, and they're too stupid to realise that it very rarely works the other way round.