Men suggesting home dates early on

Most men say they want long term because they want to appeal to women who have boundaries. However most of them can’t keep up the pretence and very quickly reveal themselves as looking for quick sex
Home dates after 2/3 dates fir me says lazy cheap zero effort just wants to get to the shag asap without putting in any real effort.

He’s just after sex. Many men think that’s all women are for.

Bin him.

Because he was setting it up for the second date. It's one thing if you have a cracking second date, it goes amazingly and you end up going home together. After one meal in a pub, inviting yourself to the others home is quite presumptuous.

Wanting to have sex isn't unreasonable - sounds more like he's trying to save money, which I'd have a problem with!

He's skint or cheap, or both.

And probably also has no idea why the idea is so odd, because he's never had to do that sort of risk assessment.

I really don't understand why wanting sex is a bad thing in a man you're dating.

They nearly always say they're looking for something long-term because that's what they think most women want to hear. Look at his behaviour, rather that what he says. He wants a shag. Someone suggesting this so early would raise alarm bells.

Surely if you've suggested home dates once and the person is not going for it you should just wait for them to give the green light.

Yes but have you actually said directly you don't want home dates or are you just trying to avoid them by suggesting other things? Hinty-hinty communication is bad communication. It'd be a red flag on his part if he was pushing against a boundary you'd clearly stated, but you do have to clearly state it for him to realise.

In my dating days it wouldn't have occurred to me to object to a home date, I enjoyed all the ones I went on (including with now-DP). It also wouldn't have occurred to me to be surprised, let alone offended, that a man I was dating wanted to have sex with me. Any time I said yes to a home date I certainly wanted to have sex with them!

I totally get what everyone is saying about him just wanting sex / opportunities to have sex.

I also agree that ignoring your reaction or “seeming put out” is a red flag and also that you need to be safe.

BUT

I am finding life so expensive right now. I really cant afford to be eating out regularly or having drinks at pub prices a few times a week.

For this reason I am totally single, declining any approaches etc because I just cant afford to date.

Just wanted to mention that angle.

But overall, communicate clearly that you think it is too soon and then hold your boundary.

He’s either skint or wants sex.

Probably not worth your time.

No way. Why would you even think that this might be acceptable…

I would bet that the people he is dog sitting for aren't aware he’s trying to lure dates to their house.

This is a definitely a use your words situation. You've probably been declining the date options and he's assuming you're not up for the date suggestions in general. You need to tell him clearly that you're not comfortable with home dates this early on. His reaction will you everything you need to know about his character.
Tbh I don't think it's the worst thing in the world to want sex on a third date. I'd be keen to test the sex side of things to figure out if I was wasting my time. If he fucks off after sex then he's not the one anyway.

I tried to be clever and I can't undo the bold text. 😂

Agree with previous posters. He's only after sex. You say no, he'll lose interest because he's not getting his leg over. You say yes, he'll lose interest because he's got what he wanted.

He gave the game away when you said he looked slightly put out when you didn't agree to a home date for the third date. Then waffled about dog sitting or some such other imaginary bollocks.

Huge red flags!!! Please be careful.

‘Nigel, we’ve met precisely twice. Why would I go away for the weekend with you when I don’t know the first thing about you and am still deciding if I want to have sex with you, ever?’

You’re not comfortable so no, don’t be pushed. Saying no should be enough and he’s already pushing your boundaries which doesn’t bode well. Generally speaking men like this are only really after sex.

He’s not the man for you. He’s asked (fair enough) but you’ve declined and he’s not respecting your boundaries. He’s basically a stranger still.

Yes he is pushy, (and only after one thing).

Red flag.

He wants sex. Simple as. He even said "getting to know you better" - it'd give me the ick being pushy.

Im sorry I think the pushyness would be a red flag for me. You're not even at date 2 and he CBA already? Date 3 hes pushing to have a date at home? And people say romance is dead...

Dog sitting; he can still leave the house, thats no excuse, he doesnt have to be there 24/7. The dog wont die if he isnt at the house.

You dont owe this stranger anything, yeah you've been talking online - but hes a relative stranger. Be safe, dont be amenable or swayed. Your gut is screaming for some reason.