Men suggesting home dates early on

I went out with someone like that years ago. (Long before Netflix and chill).
After 2 dates he decided we weren't going to go out anywhere any more but meet at my place or his and sit around watching TV while waiting to shag. (I didn't want to shag him at that point as I like to get to know someone a bit better first - I need some kind of emotional connection before having sex).

Dumped him because he wasn't right for me. Might have been ok for other people. And that's the thing, it's always about what's right for you and whether he matches up with your wants and needs.

most people can read other people

OP you are going to have a very difficult time in life (not just dating) if you assume this.

Most people actually can't telepathically understand what you want if you insist on hinting rather than spelling things out. You are going to have to learn to say what you want and to say it clearly - not just in this situation but in general.

People who insist on hinty-hinty non-communication do my head in tbh.

Either he has financial issues, or more likely, he just wants sex I'm afraid.

If you were really suited to each other, I don't think you'd be in this situation now.

If you have said no and he continues to push, stop seeing him.
He isnt prepared to invest more than a couple of soft drinks and want to get to your house, this isnt going anywhere positive.

He wants a shag.
I don't believe all of these men saying they are interested in something long term. They know that most women are looking for that, so they just say it. If he really was interested in something long term he wouldnt be in a hurry to shag and would have a few dates with you first before moving on to sex.

He's pushy and I wouldn't like that. You've said you don't want a "home date" and yet he's still pushing that. A decent bloke would have thought "Oops, maybe I moved a bit fast there" and would have suggested other dates for a while, perhaps even waiting for you to make the suggestion of coming to yours. The dogsitting date at the dog's house is weird too.

It's not suggesting the home date nor the wanting sex that's the problem (some women might want that at that point too) but the pushing of the issue.

And I always say that if you have to come onto MN to ask about something like this then he's definitely not the guy for you.

It is normal to want to have sex with someone you're dating. Being attracted to them is kind of the point?

Also, maybe I should stop watching so much crime drama? 😂

This!

Sorry, seems like I am the only one who immediately jumps to an assessment of personal safety when they think about being in a private home with a man they've only met twice.

Ok, so I have had more than one bad experience in this kind of situation so maybe I am a bit more alert to it than most but I would definitely not be alone with someone in a private house on a second or third date.

I wonder how they would respond if you gave that as a reason?

Maybe say you are happy to go for a coffee, get fish and chips on a sea front or just see each other less frequently to keep costs down but want to meet up lots more before you'll feel comfortable in each other's homes.

Whatever you do, don't be pressured into an unsafe situation.

Let us know how it goes.

You have intuition for a reason - listen to it. He's being too pushy and that rarely ends well.

He also needs to put a bit of bloody effort in. Two dates and he already wants to Netflix and chill? Zero effort at the start isn't going to improve with time.

It would be better to be upfront Op, tell him you're not up for home dates until you know him better and feel ready for sex with him, if he ghosts you then you have your answer. You'll feel worse if you have sex to keep him and he still dumps you

He also did say in the interests of saving money about the home date, however he is a man with a reasonable job and no kids so I've no idea why he would be skint.

I knew it would be a money-saving thing - what a cheapskate after only two dates!

He can’t read a room can he? His lack or perceptiveness (or him trying to barge past your “slow down” signals) would put me right off I’m afraid.

He wants sex and is tight with money. In the bin he goes.

I do think people seem to be a bit unfair on blokes these days, so critical if the guy would quite like to have sex, is it so awful if a man clearly clearly fancies you and would quite like to have sex a few dates in? So many women seem to view that as like, predatory behaviour... Ladies if you dont fancy them throw them back? Plenty of adult women enjoy sex, its not like you are losing your virginity for the first time its just sex 😂

Do you have any dates that are low cost? Maybe it is a budgeting thing, how does he react when you suggest something low cost.

Just let him know directly that there will not be home dates. If he keeps pushing it and begging etc - then he doesn’t respect boundaries and that’s a big massive red flag. 🚩

There could be something behind it -like not being able to afford going out. In which case you can offer to take turns paying or pay for yourself.

Could also just be looking for a quick shag. You never know with men.

If you don’t want to be in a relationship with a man who feels comfortable pushing your boundaries after 5 minutes, then don’t be. Move on already.

Obviously not.

And he's obviously after only one thing. That's what is becoming very obvious...

It's as pushy as hell. Don't let this man know where you live.

Have you laid it on the line when he's suggested a home date with a "Im not comfortable with that yet?". If you have and he still keeps pushing, he's not for you.
If you haven't actually said you're not comfortable with that this early on, tell him. His reaction may also tell you a bit about him!

It also wouldn't have occurred to me to be surprised, let alone offended, that a man I was dating wanted to have sex with me. Any time I said yes to a home date I certainly wanted to have sex with them!

If you agree to a home date it will 100% signal that you’re up for sex. It shouldn’t, but it will. Only meet him at his house or yours when you feel ready. In the meantime I wouldn’t specifically say that to him, otherwise you’re giving him the ammunition to manipulate you into feeling ready and making it clear that you will shag him if ever you go over there. I’d just continue suggesting outside dates and see how it progresses, you will soon know if that’s all he wants. Ugh. Why is it all so hard! Why can’t men just be normal

Ask him to explain how home dates mean that you get to know each other better?

That makes no sense at all unless he means sex

My 3rd date with DH was a home date - it was London 2012 opening ceremony so it was a case of shall we watch it with a takeaway and a bottle of fizz and it was a glorious date but yes I slept with him for the first time.

but we’d had two really lovely dates before then, one a day time and one an evening and he’d been incredibly respectful and it just felt right - and that’s the key, your gut is talking to you a reason.

the kind of person DH is, it wouldn’t have bothered him in the slightest if I’d wanted to stay on neutral grounds, but this guy obviously seems a bit put out about no home dates and that’s a red flag for only in it for the sex