A Very Formal Nursery

I think the people who chose an Independent School nursery want something different from a "home" feel. They want the school preparation (especially if the the school is selective and there's an "entrance exam" at four.)

For want its worth... at just turned 3yo knew her sisters bests friends mother was "Miss Smith" when she was at school, "Auntie Sue" when she was with her sister at her friends house, and "Bluebird" if she had to come to Rainbows with me (which I ran along with the Mum/teacher).

If it's a nursery attached to a school, you can't really have your 6yo talking about Mrs Smith and your 2yo talking about Mary when they are referring to the same person. I know the staff are mostly separate, but they will move between years at times e.g. leading an assembly, covering for sickness, moving classes at the end of the year.

Most state schools I know use surnames for all children there. If the children like them, I don't think their names will bother them or make them feel less relaxed. I have also been in preschools that call their staff Miss Mary etc.

Rationally I agree with all these posts saying it doesn’t matter, but I think I would have felt weird about it too OP! They’re so little and the environment is very much more personal than school- nap times and cuddles and help with the toilet etc, first names just seem more natural and appropriate. That said, if it was otherwise a brilliant nursery, it wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me.

I would be focused on the quality of care. The only issue I have with names, not just in educational settings, is a workplace culture where some members of staff are given their title and others are not, e.g. Dr Brown, but Nurse Jill, Mr Brown, the headteacher but Pat the TA and Robert the caretaker. There have been studies showing women are less likely to be introduced by their professional title than men, e.g. Dr or Professor.

I work in a nursery and I would hate to be addressed so formally! I guess I'd get used to it but i wouldn't like it. I agree OP the idea that it's preparation for school doesn't really make sense. They will also need to wipe their own bums and organise their own homework folder, none of which they do at 2. The 'start as you mean to go on' idea doesn't work with children who change from month to month.

Yeah I wouldn't like that. But around here it's relatively common for teachers to go by first names in primary school so surnames seems very formal, particularly at nursery level!

If it was a good, safe nursery where my child was happy I wouldn't give two shiny shites how they asked my 2yr old to address staff members!
Quite respectful tbh

It seems a bit formal but as others have said, it sets them up for when they move into reception.
As long as the staff are prepared to be called all manner of things from children so young! I worked in an infant school and got called all sorts of variations of my name. It was very funny!

It wouldn't be my kind of place but it's clearly a kind of pre pre prep to get them used to the formality of the more senior schools.

If you don't like that aspect already then there's probably plenty more about it that wouldn't appeal.

I think this is normal in public nurseries attached to schools. I don’t see anything wrong with a 2-3 year old calling their teacher miss or mrs Steven’s for example. They’re going to have to get used to calling the teacher miss, mrs or mr by the time they start reception class anyway.

Aged 3 at state primary school nursery my dc used Mrs surname. And at aged 2 at playgroup. It didn't make any difference to how close they were to staff.

The names used for the staff doesn’t impact the care given.

Our school nursery have recently started accepting two year olds. They call the staff “Mrs x” simply because that is the structure in the school so it makes sense. It doesn’t stop it being a nurturing environment.

My grandson went to a private nursery where they called the adults Miss Debbie or Miss Suzie etc. It wasn't attached to a school so the continuity didn't matter as much. My own daughter went to a day care type nursery over 40 years ago where it was all first names. I don't think.it matters that much to the child.

When I was the school Nursery Class teacher in the 80s I was Miss Surnane and the Nursery Nurse was Mrs Surname. I was friends with her out of school and her children called me by my first name out of school and Miss in school even though one of them was in my class for a short while.

The Nursery class doesn't have to be a home from home it is a transitional space where the child learns to be part of a larger group and that the world doesn't revolve around them while still being child centred and nurturing.

I disagree that nursery should feel like home. Home should not be the only place that children feel safe and comfortable. My preference would be for children to feel that home is for their family, but nursery is a special place that is all about them.

It’s fine for nurseries to have little differences in things like what they call their teachers. It is good that there are different types of nurseries because there are different types of families.

We used to call most of our "helpers" (that's what they'd call TAs in the 90s) by their first names. We had a new head come in that tried to change it and they were the ones who said no! Looking back, I'd say the "helpers" over about 50, we called Mrs whatever. The younger ones we did not.

I would not send my child to a nursery where they addressed staff by their surnames but I don't mind that such places exist.

From my point of view (as as EYFS lead) this is the difference between care for two year olds and the shift towards education. Obviously it is ALL early education but at 2 what I wanted was someone who felt like a Nan and loved my children. At 3/4 I want them to shift towards education and therefore chose school nursery.

Our school nursery had a Mrs and a Miss so and so, it made no difference to the children. It was a lovely nursery, warm and friendly and my children were very happy there. You have a choice where you send your children so if it's an issue for you, don't send your children there!

It really is what about suits you and your family; I wouldn't overthink it.

At my primary we had to curtsey to the teachers 😂

But even at home we call our parents mummy and daddy and family members auntie this, uncle that… I think it’s fine to understand that externally people can be addressed as mr, Miss, Mrs…

Nurseries should be comfortable, safe, fun, nurturing and educational but they aren’t home. The vast majority that say they are providing a “home away from home” atmosphere genuinely aren’t, and it isn’t inherently a bad thing. It’s really just synonymous with “lovely and nurturing”.

Parents/siblings/family aren’t there, the toys don’t belong to the children and are all shared, there is a more rigid timetable, there are lots of people coming in and out and lots of different children, there isn’t generally a sofa and a TV and other furniture you’d expect in a home, but there are water trays and sand pits etc which many children won’t be lucky enough to have, and almost everything is child-sized rather than there being child sized things in a predominantly adult space. Not directly replicating a home environment isn’t inherently a bad thing nor does it mean the children don’t feel as safe, secure, and comfortable as possible.

Using surnames is just another one of those factors. There’s a reason kids are often surprised that teachers have first names when they find out - it’s because it doesn’t even occur to them that they do when they’re little!

I don't think any 2 year old would care or be impacted in the slightest by calling someone Mrs... rather than first name.

At my children's school nursery staff were called Miss, Mrs surname. It followed the same approach as the school it was attached to.

It was a lovely, nurturing, fun nursery. The school was lovely too.

I don't think it's particularly unusual. What do you think the staff should be called? The children are so young it's all just names to them.

My daughters pre school - aged 3 -4 - they used the staffs surnames. It wasn't a posh place at all, they did cake sales and other events to raise enough money to keep going. Their aim was to prepare children for reception (where they use surnames) and they did that very well.