To think we spend too long ‘parenting’ now, and it’s turned young adults into eternal children?

It sounds like your parents treating you like shit the instant you turned 18 has given you a very warped view of other young adults.

I think it's a merging of various factors, really culminating in Covid lockdowns (and Brexit to a lesser extent).

My DS falls in the categories, he is autistic, as many people are! The pathways of employment that may have previously been open to ND people are no longer there.

For DS the painstaking progress we made scraping through GCSEs, A-Levels and finally good result in his degree was halted by a few months of unsuccessful job searching. Then covid lockdown and health anxiety.

He has a degree, but he not getting invited to interview for anything, for years now. I really don't know what to do to help him tbh and I can't see him moving out ever, at this point.

We need to downsize at some point, our current mortgage runs to our 70s and there is no way I am working beyond 65, my parents retired at 64, by which point my dad (in particular) was in very bad health (active, non smoker, moderate drinker).

I think a balance is needed.
It’s far harder now to afford a place as a single person, so inevitably young adults are living at home for longer. That is understandable.
However, I do think that parents need to be setting them up for the future over things like insisting they get full time work and not allowing them to just sit in all day gaming or whatever else they might do.

A young adult can live a relatively independent life while still in the family home, provided mum or dad aren’t running around after them/paying for them.

I’m a secondary SENDCo. Parents and children arrive with us expecting them to have a one to one TA following them around all day; these are children who don’t even have an EHCP. They don’t trust us or our systems, they just want to hover over their kids and snowplough every potential blip out of their way.

As a result, children don’t learn to feel uncomfortable or challenge themselves, they just sit back and expect everything to be done for them.

I voted YABU because you seem to be basing this opinion entirely on posts on Mumsnet, which can give a skewed perspective because people are more likely to post about tricky situations than when everything is going fine. I have an 18yo and a nearly 20yo, and all their friends are at uni or doing apprenticeships or working. I don't know any young adults in real life who are sitting in their rooms gaming all day. Do you?

I think that parenting is a lot more involved for longer these days. Many children don’t play outside unaccompanied by parents these days - they have play dates but few actually hang out at the park with their mates without an adult close by. (Talking about kids up to the age of about 12). Some do of course but, where I live, I don’t think that’s the majority.

And basically it flows from there. Parents are very involved with their children’s school work - they can log on and check house points and homework which is something that couldn’t be done years ago.

Kids have mobile phones or AirTags on them so they can be tracked constantly. (My 12 year old DC was on a school residential where some parents had tagged their kids so could say exactly where they were. This is madness to me - they were going to an outward bound centre so no chance of getting lost!)

I think this level of involvement continues when the child is older, an adult, and they haven’t learned to be independent or have emotions like worry, anxiety or fear without parents sweeping them up and making it all better.

I don’t know why there has been this shift but when I began teaching 30 years ago children were more resilient and capable than the children I teach today (in general). I don’t necessarily blame the parents, I think there has been a cultural shift where we see children as precious and to be cared for, not as young people who need to sometimes learn the hard way to prepare them for being an adult.

I think it's a mix of both sides as it can be difficult to get decent paid work and somewhere to live when young. I would not expect an eighteen year old to be leaving home but I would expect to them to be seeking work, doing voluntary work, studying to improve their chances and helping a lot at home if unemployed. Very different to allowing these gaming, Pringle eating bedroom monsters to live their lives in a rent free downward spiral where the only outcomes are depression, obesity and benefit dependence. Parenting is for life but that doesn't mean indulging your adult kids like a pampered delicate pet.

I agree OP.
Part of my job involves laundry and the work experience person thought it was acceptable to fold and put away very damp towels.
Being able to tell if washing is dry is a basic life skill but if your parents are still doing it all for you, how will you learn?

Lucky you, you had a CAMHs to access and got treatment.Today’s youngsters don’t have that. It’s nigh on impossible now to get treatment under CAMhS or CMHT.So they stay mentally ill, getting worse and worse.

If someone at whatever age has proper depression then they do need day to day support from those who love them. You would have to be a pretty heartless parent to simply tell them to buck up their ideas and get on with life.

If there are are no mental health issues then I agree that there should be a releasing of the apron strings over a period of time as they move into young adulthood.

I dont think its parents. I think its the current state of the employment market, university market and housing costs combined with a lack of hope for improvement.

It is depressing. I left home with housing within reach, a passport that let me live anywhere in europe and 'things can only get better' playing loudly in the radios

Plus there are plenty of kids out there doing brilliantly

Wholeheartedly agree!
Not very long ago we stopped parenting our kids when they were 13/14 and they left home to get married and start their own families! Or at the very least they started working and brought their own income to the family pot.....
Obviously I am not advocating going back to the good old days and marrying off our 13 year olds but things have changed so quickly I don't think we have had a chance to 'catch up' as a species.
Most mammals stop looking after their offspring before that offspring hits puberty.

We all want to do what is right for our children but I do wonder how the next few generations will judge our efforts.

Children can’t just leave at 18 with the contents of their child savings accounts. They wouldn’t be able to afford to live anywhere.
I’m genuinely worried about what the future holds for my DC. They are entering a completely different to the one I did when I was a young adult. I’m not going to support 24hr X Box playing in a dark room, but ill certainly support them to have a safe and secure home till they can find their feet.

I never understood this “kick them out at 18” mentally. I much prefer the way extended families all live together and help each other in other countries.

Entirely up to you if that's how you want to do it.
I don't intend to be so black & white about it.

I have highly motivated kids who want to do well & be independent but I will still help them get to that point for as long as it takes.
That's my choice & I'm happy with it.

I was a very depressed teen (CAMHS, SSRIs, self harm etc) but left at 18 with the contents of my child savings account

How much was this and would you be accepted for a tenancy with that amount today?

It's fine to wonder what is making people live with their parents but you need to properly consider whether extreme proportionate rises in COL are a big chunk of the reason.

Also in 2025 you are able to read the accounts of parents on a website of millions. When you were 18 would you have had any way of guessing how many kids were in a similar situation then, or are you extrapolating from a sample size of "people you know"?

I left at 18 because I had to and it was bloody hard to get anywhere and I was fully employed. But that was 2 decades ago. These days it would be impossible. Get a clue.

I think there is some truth to what you are saying. However I think it's much deeper than being 'parented' for too long and much more about enmeshed family dynamics and the unspoken benefits to the parents of the now adult child staying like this.

I also don't think there is a direct link with tech and gaming. We've had consoles and the internet for decades. I had them as a depressed teen in the 90s. Social media, perhaps, but I'm still going to go with it being about family dynamics, as it always has been. There are plenty of stories on here of failure to launch adults still living at home (mostly men on the relationships board !).