To think we spend too long ‘parenting’ now, and it’s turned young adults into eternal children?

You know the world is a completely different place than it was when you were 18 though, don’t you? You realise that?

This

BUT when she moved out she didn't know how to use a washing machine, make basic meals, budget money, pay bills, set up direct debits etc. They continued doing all of that for her after 18 because she still lived at home.

I agree that regardless of when you move out, you should be learning this at home. That said, I'm not actually sure if my parents did... I was just left to it when I went to uni and learned from my housemates.... probably quite common. Loads of my basic recipes were learned from an older friend who moved into student house with us.

Remember Sabine on Fresh Meat? Bit like that!

I think we are talking about two different things here.

I think those who are young adults now are struggling with the economy as it is but the younger kids coming up behind them are being parented in a different way again, perhaps due to the media & fears about safety etc.

My kids roamed a fair bit as tweens but not as much as I did when I was their age & from what I see/hear locally I think the kids younger than them have even less freedom.

Teenagers are not prepared for the world anymore.
I read in a post the other day that the OP got annoyed with her husband as he hadn't filled the children's water bottles. Sigh... we now have a generation who can't turn on a tap. Mine could do that from age 2!

Rent was a lot cheaper and you could claim housing benefit at 18 to help with rent if you had gaps between jobs etc. I don’t entirely disagree with you but I do think it is financially more difficult to leave home these days .

Of course it is, more social housing then too.

The idea that "it was hard for me, so i resent seeing other people getting an easier time of it than i did" is so toxic. I feel sad for the op that you didn't have parents who wanted to help and support you past 18. There's a balance to be struck, of course, but the scaffolding that used to exist to help young people to thrive doesn't exist anymore. Services have been cut to the bone. There is huge competition for even minimum wage jobs and shitty little bedsits and rooms to rent are out of reach for many people. A room to rent in my deprived town is £550-680 per month.

You're not inherently better than young people today because you were essentially thrown out on your ear to sink or swim in a time when it was far easier to swim. I'm not sure why you think £600 back then would equate to £2000 now either unless you're going back 40 years which was a completely different world. It sounds like you were very lucky to land on your feet with no support and a small amount of money in your pocket. If you hadn't managed to get yourself a room to rent and a job, what would you have done then with nowhere to go?

I think YABU TBH. The problem is now we have a much larger population.Leading to pressure on housing ,jobs and so on. Comparing yourself to "todays youth" from a viewpoint of 20 /30 years is pointless.Many young people have MH issues ,These may have just not been noticed ,or seen in the past.Truth is many wouldnt survive on a "sink or swim" (including me 40 years ago!)as you have .We live in a more understanding world now, and there is not the "work at 16.move out on your own .concept as there was then

People didn't really get treatment for mental health decades ago. It wasn't talked about much and going to 'therapy' was only for very serious cases.

Although I do agree with the fact that young adults living at home being waited on and not doing their fair share is nothing to do with changing circumstances.

"parenting is for life"

Oh come on! Parenting as a relationship is for life, but the tasks are not. You wouldn't expect a 90 year old to look after their 65 year old child (unless special needs/disabilities).

Of course you're right OP. Just look at all how parents try to get involved in their children's university life now.
It's not just about the cost of housing.

I can understand why young people are depressed today though!

I think people are getting hung up thinking you mean "move out at 18 and never help them again".
This post reminded me of my younger sister, she didn't move out until she was 24 due to the price of rent, absolutely fair. BUT when she moved out she didn't know how to use a washing machine, make basic meals, budget money, pay bills, set up direct debits etc. They continued doing all of that for her after 18 because she still lived at home. If your DC can't afford to move out that's life, but doing everything for them is just too much, my sister really struggled to learn it all and felt very entitled to it just being done.
That's the difference. She was perfectly capable of taking care of herself in the family home. She wouldn't even buy her own toiletries she just expected them to be there!

I’m in my 50s with late teen and young adult ‘children’ and it’s far far more nuanced than you’re suggesting. Just for starters, most parents are aware that employment and housing situations - the two mainstays of adult life - are incomparable to 30 years ago.

I was about to say living at home doesn’t mean lack of independence plus rents have shot up but if you are differentiating between those being waited on hand and foot, and the ones living independently while being at home I do agree with you.

I left home at 19 but I had an older sibling who stayed until he was late 20s but he did his own cooking, housework and helped my mum with finances significantly until he left and bought his own house. I think it’s a good idea for people who are able to do that, to do so. I lived in flatshares and some of them were awful tbh.

However I knew someone who had kids really young and neither her or her husband have worked full time. She is always running around after her kids then moaning she does everything but it’s the way she raised them.

Her kids have inherited her lack of drive, for example her teen daughter wanted to quit the work experience week on the 3rd day. I can see them all either getting pregnant really young or remaining at home but floundering trying to find work. She never really encouraged them to do well at school either. Bright kids but if they said they struggled in any subjects rather than looking for a tutor or some kind of solution she would just shrug and say oh just try your best. They have never been pushed to do anything academically or at home or encouraged to have dreams and ambitions.

I think it's more that parents don't seem to foster their children's independence enough as they become more capable. For example, my 16yo niece has relied on lifts to and from school pretty much every day since she started secondary school. We live in a city, there are good, direct buses. She has a bike she's never used amd the school is perhaps a 10-15 minute bike ride away. Ds's friends (almost 15) live in a village just outside of the city and still have their parents running them into the city regularly. Bus fares are cheap, and buses are regular. Parents seem overly possessive and protective of their children and fail to encourage them to learn to get around on their own, or do things for themselves. Ds and his friends are all coming up to work experience and most of their parents are fixing the placements for them. It does nothing to build their confidence in their own skills and abilities to continually do everything for them all the time. Both my kids have SEN. Both are more socially capable than their peers.

So what proportion of young people are like that now compared with in the 90s or whenever you're comparing to?
Is it a significant change in numbers or are we reading about it more?

Ok fair enough. You didn't mention them in your post.

One thing I hate & have always hated us that "it was tough for me so it should be for you" mentality.
You get it from senior colleagues in professions sometimes and it's just irritating & a bit stupid.

Things change, situations change & you aren't comparing like for like.
The job market right now is as tough as it has ever been, particularly for graduates who are chasing jobs and often being AI filtered out before they even get to sit in front of a human being.

Add in the crazy cost of living and the outrageous amount of interest on student loans and it's no wonder a lot of young adults are taking longer to get going.

Obviously there are some who aren't making the effort. Back in the day these were the ones on benefits, smoking weed & generally faffing about. They just weren't doing it at home is all.

I’m still parenting my 19DS. Chronic health condition means he could take level 3 qualifications and he is taking a year out of educating this year to focus on recovery. He acts about 17 as he hasn’t done stuff that works leads to maturity.

My 21DD on the other hand has flown the nest fully. She was ready for uni at 18, we supported from a distance and are now hands off.

So I agreed and disagree with the OP. People need to do to grow. If problems are solved for them they don’t spontaneously turn into functioning adults. But 18 isn’t a magical cut off age and can vary for person to person. And it isn’t a sudden cut off but a gradual reduction. Which is why uni is helpful as the gradual change is almost built in.

You dont speak for everybody
and having access to even a small amount of support can be hugely helpful. Today’s young people have zero MH support and far more pressures with a lot less job and housing opportunities or hope for the future environmentally and economically.