To think we spend too long ‘parenting’ now, and it’s turned young adults into eternal children?

We have built a generation without resilience

Which generation had a load of resilience?

Why are some parents still cutting up apples for their child’s packed lunch in P7 when children are perfectly capable of making their own??

A chopped apple tastes nicer than non chopped!

We dont have near a million. There is 638,745. Ehcps run until people are 25 so this isnt all school aged children.

It's not a new thing. Over 20 years ago and when not many people had mobile phones, I worked in a local telephone banking call centre
"I'm ringing on behalf of my son for his balance".
"How old is your son?"
" He's 34"
" Sorry, because of customer confidentiality I can only give him the information, is he there with you? "
"No he's out but I'm his mother".

I now work as a GP Receptionist and mothers ring for their adult children, mostly men, and their husbands, no learning difficulties or disability. It seems the problem is with women mollycoddling their men folk. They then come on MN complaining that the said men can't or won't do things that fully functioning human beings should be doing themselves.

Since I was 16 I have never asked my parents to do anything for me, they've done their job of raising me to be an independent, capable adult.

@TorroFerney I think my parents did get me the paper round and the salon was owned by a family friend. Even the retail job was through a friend.

When I look in restaurants, supermarkets etc now the staff are older vs when I was younger.

Yes i agree with you, too many people do go to university, but there aren't a lot of other options and it's an easy way for children to take an opportunity to fly the nest at 18 , which is exactly what you are saying should happen.

So I'm not really clear on what you're saying here.

Do you want young people to fly the nest at 18 or don't you? If they fly the nest at 18 but don't go to uni, where are they supposed to go in this day and age?

I agree, people also seem less willing to house share. I lived in shared houses till I was 30, it made it more affordable.

Online life has made it easier for people to have a social life but in doing so it means people do not need to leave their homes. It has both helped and hindered the socially inept.

Yikes when did this happen? I left Scotland at the 19 but growing up in the 90s people were starting primary 1 aged 4/5. It was unheard of to be older than 5 starting in p1.

I think there a balance that needs to be struck, the life expectancy for your grandparents generation was probably younger and they could retire at what - 60/65?

We are living longer now, don’t need to rush out and start working full time at 14 or 16 or even 18 (if you’re in full time higher education) especially given the fact some will be working well into their 70s.

That said, as I’ve said upthread I do agree some parents aren’t empowering their kids to lead independent lives and attain their full potential.

Sorry quoting you out of laziness but intending to quote you and the person you’re responding to. I do think there is an issue around authority and discipline also, although that could be for a whole other thread.

My kids go to a good school but behaviour is still a massive issue, I think back to my school days and whilst of course there was also poor behaviour it wasn’t on the level we have now, there just doesn’t seem to be respect for authority like there used to be. I don’t believe respect always needs to be earned, you should just respect teachers etc. And I wonder if some of these kids that aren’t being raised without good discipline and respect are the ones with a sense of entitlement not equipping them for the future.

I’m personally a strict parent, but would often refer to my approach as old school.

Why? Supporting your children goes on throughout your life, I don't mean financially necessarily but emotionally.

My parents support me & now they are older I support them when they need it. That's called being part of a family.

How old are your children?

I think as usual the truth lies somewhere in the middle. If your young adult child can't afford to rent anywhere - because rents are sky high - then it's logical to have them live with you. However, the dynamic has to change. I've had both my adult DC live with me - eldest is currently here. She's working, learning to drive and saving. I don't need rent from her because I own my house outright, but she contributes towards costs and absolutely pulls her weight in terms of housework. We are no longer parent and child, we are housemates and it works brilliantly.

This does mean both parties have to step away from the old dynamic and embrace a new one.

You had a child. Do you want them? Was it easy to fall pregnant or did it take a number of years? The couples that fight for years and endure several miscarriages are more likely to love and appreciate their children a whole lot more than a couple that just 'popped them out'.

Says who?

"Ds and his friends are all coming up to work experience and most of their parents are fixing the placements for them. "

To be honest, this happened when I was a teenager in the 90s too. I was about 15 when I had my first work experience placement. Comically young when you consider that I didn't get my first proper job in an office until I was 23.

Because the education system is absolutely broken.

I agree, I struggled with severe anxiety as a teen but there was still an expectation that I got a part time job alongside college.

As a parent it’s not good to enable mental health problems by allowing teens to opt out of real life. My teen dd is ND and has had periods of time where she’s struggled with her mental health but staying at home and not contributing is not an option.

The whole ferrying kids about thing is crazy. My friend's teenage kids will ask her to run them to town when they live 5 minutes walk from the station and the train takes 15 minutes.

In our grandparents generation kids left school at 14 and got a job. They were out in the workforce and earning for nearly a decade before this current generation which naturally made them grow up quicker.

Did they actually grow up quicker? I think there were just as many mental health issues which is why so many relied on alcohol etc to cope.

Yes really interesting observation about being happy all the time, as adult I’m only now realising that the goal isn’t to be happy all the time. It’s an unattainable desire that sets us up for disappointment and too much pressure. Not really thought about it before. Probably worse now in the world of social media with all the comparison and higher expectations of what “happy” is.

But children in some communities could be considered to be stifled in other ways. What opportunities do they have to go to university without an education if they wanted to? What options do teenage girls realistically have aside from find a husband, keep house and have children?

lots of interesting points so far.

I agree it’s harder for young adults to move out and be young independent adults but I think parents can encourage independence whilst still living at home. Not funding their lifestyle, when they don’t work and not using MH, ND as an excuse to not adult when they actually could cope with a bit of support or even a push!

We have built a generation without resilience and that everything should be good all the time and if you feel down one day it’s MH and that is the older generations fault! A lot of kids are looking for problems in their life to fit in with their peers!

I work with a colleague who’s child is early 20s never worked etc and barely helps them around the house - parent working full time, close to retirement not in great physical shape but the child doesn’t help out around house, walk dogs because of anxiety but can go shopping with bf, holiday aboard on her own! My job as a parent is to prepare my child for the world, for them to be independent not shield them for all heartache and pain!

There have been periods of much higher unemployment.

With the same high housing costs?

Deferring children is not part of the problem, studies have shown that it’s actually beneficial when it comes to teenage years.
Both mine were deferred, but at the P7 residential had to show most of the other children how to put a duvet cover.

It’s about teaching children life skills from a young age eg. Why are some parents still cutting up apples for their child’s packed lunch in P7 when children are perfectly capable of making their own??

That's true

Yes, people want to be their child's friend and not upset them. Well sometimes kids are going to be upset and not have what they want and you're going to be the one that says no you cant do that or have that.

What is this based on? I am strict with my dc and not interested in being their friend, I'm not unusual.