To be worried about aging?

Far from unreasonable BUT you CAN change it now.
Get a job, bar, waitressing, book shop whatever.
Every week go somewhere be that a walk down the canal, a swim, a day at the seaside. Whatever. Have a coffee in a cafe or from a flask on a park bench. Smile, talk. Life will come to you.
i absolutely loved my fifties. Time to myself. I got back the figure I had in my twenties and also my spirit.
I got braver and braver, did things I never would have imagined. If I wrote a list I would not believe what I had done if I was not me! I said to a stranger I have never been attractive, he said bloody hell for a lady who is not attractive you sure are interesting. For me that was not a back handed but a full on compliment.
Live your life.

Sounds like a job would absolutely transform your life. What are you good at? What qualifications do you have?

Maybe look at entry level civil service- less ageist than many employers and great pension. 20 years in the CSP would sort that out completely.

Thank you for writing so candidly, I think if we are all honest everyone has a bucketload of wishes, regrets or plans unfulfilled.

An insightful friend always says you either have the money but not the time, or the time and not the money.

I actually look at you and feel you have had the privileged one, time.

I had to go the career option, I didn’t want to and the guilt ate me up. Someone else bought up my children whike I slogged it away miles away from my DC. The times I had off I made every second count. Never particularly had a lot of money as mortgage etc. I have stories but they’re nothing compared to the stories and memories I have with my DC.

Recently I jacked it all in and now I have the time but not the money. Yes it is tough and I’ve cried when I couldn’t afford a pair of shoes for one of the children (got off FB marketplace in the end for free). But I would never ever swap back.

Yes I’m getting old and I’m naffed off about that.
have a chat with your GP, it could well be perimenopause (another joy), there are answers.

please don’t ever feel career women have it all, no one does, often people glamorise their shortfalls in life and others wear their heart on their sleeve - you sound to fall into this group - the more real you are. Find some new decent friends of a similar age, have a glass of wine and chat, you may start to feel a little more human. Good luck.

It sounds like you need to get out and find a job, give yourself a purpose to get up and get out in the morning. You are only 47 which is nothing. Start looking for a job, you have hobbies but are these outside the home with other people? Maybe join an exercise class, Zumba or something to make you feel better about yourself, make some friends and start living your life.

Most families can’t afford to have one non working adult, no wonder you are skint.

you are 20 years away from retirement age, have a degree - the answer is clear - get a job!

HRT isn't a cure-all (despite what you read on MN).
OP says she has 'always' lacked confidence and HRT can't change the roots of lifelong unhappiness.

That said, HRT may help lift OP enough that she can start to appreciate the small wins, the kids being happy, the chat in the park with a stranger when you realise you made them feel a connection today, the garden being improved, "today I can do the thing I want to do and today is all we have", etc.

Sorry but I think you just need to get a job. What have you been doing for the last 30 years to have suffered ‘decades of stress’ but you haven’t worked? So surely you’ve had at least 6 hours a day to yourself which is a massive luxury for most. What example are you setting your kids?

You need to go back to the GP and ask to see a doctor with an interest in peri menopause. HRT is allowed with the coil
Contraception during menopause and perimenopause https://share.google/G07WsQO7q9OvV61VG

You also really need to make a plan to get back into paid work ASAP. You need to start contributing to a pension ASAP. Ideally you find a wonderful role you feel passionate about but start with just finding a job and getting experience and confidence back. You don't need to find the perfect career straight away but you need some money.

Is your husband a farmer? You mention his family and lack of money so I was wondering if he is farming or some other family business

The thought that there are fewer years in front of me than behind me fills me with dread. Especially as those years have flown by. This year, I decided I'd try and get fit. I'd been suffering from pain in my shoulders, neck, and knees. I bought a treadmill and some light weights. I've been using them religiously all year. The pain has all but disappeared and I feel so much better mentally.

It's crazy to be in a position where you are struggling for money and have a perfectly capable adult staying at home earning nothing.
I know it isn't easy, but getting a job will change your life, make you feel capable and take a bit of pressure off financially. Even working a few hours a day cleaning or as a dinner lady would be a start.

I agree with @Goingindrain - therapy to help put those negative vibes from your school days into perspective.
It's not really about what you have or haven't done in life that matters - (and your second post reveals that you have done far more than your first post would have us think) - but more how you feel about your life and I suspect no matter what you did/do, contentment will never be achieved until you deal with those feelings. Good luck.

Watch the film Shirley Valentine, and make a plan ☺️

You need therapy OP and HRT. Try to learn some new skills and start work, may be retail, gain some confidence and earn some money, that will give you confidence boost.

OP, have you watched Riot Women on BBC1?

In 10/20/30 years' time you will look back on today and realise how young and beautiful you were.

At 48 I did a three year course of study, started working in the field and through that made new friends. After a few years I started my own business which I loved running for a decade. In my 60s and retired now and have just spent two years renovating a house on a shoe string, learning the skills I needed by doing courses and watching on line videos as I went. I taught myself to build wooden windows. I also started and run a little beer-money making business related to one of my hobbies.

Get hobbies. Get training. Make some money. Volunteer for something you care about.

Do one small thing today and make a success of it. Clear out a cupboard, plant a seed, wash some curtains, pick up the litter in your street.

Do one thing like that every day and you're on the up.

My best friend died in her early 30s. Every day I live is a gift she didn't have. Don't squander your precious days dwelling in the past.
The future is an open book.

First off , 47 is not old , and what does , your quote " an ugly old women of 47 " look like ?
It's self esteem , you need to work on that . You have a very low opinion of yourself .
As others have said , get out and get a job even if until you have some experience in a working environment start with volunteering , build up your self esteem , try a few new things to challenge yourself .
Start liking you . Life will be happier .

You need to focus on finding a job / a better job and then save up for a holiday. If you're unhappy you need to be brave and make a change.

It’s never too late I’m 43 and just started a nursing degree and a single mum to a 4 year ole, your life is your destiny and go and make it happen

Do you mean you have never worked?

Have a look at Rebel Finance School and Brave Starts.

It not aging that the problem

it’s that you feel you are wasting your life

if you want things like holidays ho to work to earn the cash to pay for them

God this is like a cautionary tale.

I never had a career. I’ve supported my husband in his job and that’s been a horrendous ride in itself. Relentless financial worry, unprecedented amounts of mental stress, very little spare money ever.

Now i vaguely understand women who wind up not working because their DH works all hours but he brings home 150k so it makes sense for one partner to facilitate the other to earn such a high wage.

But why on earth would you not work to support the career of a man for "very little spare money ever"? If its been relentless financial worry it sounds like you've facilitated him basically being unsuccessful in the pursuit of money.

Try and get out and get a job- any job. TA, care work, retail. Can you access any training - IT skills, book keeping?