To be worried about aging?

You raised 3 DC and have no stories to tell and zero sense of achievement? Unless they were severely neglected and you tucked up their lives there should be stories and achievements.
There was someone aged 50 on my uni course, she completed it and went on to work in a professional role. 47 is nowhere near the end of the road.
Pull yourself together, stop the negative talk and go and do something with your life. Just a minimum wage job could be life changing for you, more money and opening up more social connections.

At 47 you still have 20 years of working life left. You could effectively begin a new career.

I am 58 +1/2 and I am heading for retirement and only have 8 and a half years left of working life. I enjoy work (I have 2 jobs) and want the last 8 years to be as interesting as possible (I'm accustomed to poverty as I've spend a career working in the Arts) so with the flexible job, I temp and get sent to lots of interesting places with interesting people and on the whole I enjoy it, even the shit assignments. I'll admit that I'm a bit Pollyanna-ish, but I don't see that as a bad thing.

Maybe start by getting a part-time job in something you enjoy or an industry you are interested in?

Life is a gift. Don't waste it. There will come a time when you will no longer be able to work and that will limit your interaction with other people.

Likewise, be curious, go out more, travel, even if it is locally, explore things. Meet people. Have a laugh. Think up adventures and interesting things to do and see. Start saying yes to things and your confidence will grow.

At 47, you probably have another 35 years left and then it will be all pulled out from underneath you. Don't you owe it to yourself to enjoy those last 35 years? Look forward not back. Only compare yourself to yourself in previous years. Be optimistic. Try to have fun!

Nobody in life has achieved nothing- you just have a list you need to let go of. Firstly you’re going so hard on yourself- imagine if you read that op from someone else- what would you say? Also if you ask your kids they definitely won’t think you’ve achieved nothing- you’ve created a home x

@PiriPiriMenopause it's your life and you are in control of it.

47 isn't old! I did my teacher training with someone who was 52 at the time. They then taught for 10 years and retired!

Decide what career you want to do and just do it. Get yourself a hobby.

My gran started learning French at 55 then insisted my grandad take her to France every year so she could practice.

My mum took up Zumba at 60!

For your energy levels, are you taking magnesium? I'm peri menopausal and magnesium has been great.

You need shaking! Life is for living, so stop feeling redundant, decide what you are going to achieve, and DO IT!

Good advice.

And for people who are afraid to enter the workplace directly, voluntary work is a very good place to start.

I started a new career at 45. A friend of mine changed career in her 50s.

If your DH died or walked out, you’d be forced to get a job to support yourself. There’s no reason why you can’t do it with that impetus.

I really think you need to look for a job, you can’t afford to stay home and your life And that if your family would improve so much with extra money, your children are older you don’t need to be at home, look for a part time job to get you started and do a part time course to improve your prospects at the same time. I’m 49 and just started a three year course because it will help me have a better job over the next 20 years and it’s engaging my brain again. Some sectors are crying out for staff either pick something you are interested in or choose something that will be secure/easy to find work in but in the meantime get a job

Why do you think it wouldn’t work? Or is it that you don’t want it to work because you would have to face feelings you’d rather avoid?

Isn’t it time to address now this shutting people out, shutting down and endless self-sabotaging cycles?

Hey I’m 44 so I hear you, but we’re not old yet! I’m thinking about changing career, and you could still do something. Do you have anything for yourself, like a hobby or club? If not, you could think about what you really enjoy. I could go on, but hopefully something to start with. We’re not old! 😀

What is your degree in ? did you enjoy the subject you studied ? Were the jobs you did previously related to it ?
I appreciate what you say about therapy, quite a lot is CBT related if through the NHS , but this in itself can be useful if you can use it as a tool to help you deal with the way your feelings get in the way, even if you are good at masking to the outside world, so wouldn't dispel the idea entirely.
You absolutely can have HRT if you have a mirena coil , it provides the progesterone element and then you have oestrogen in another way. Ask if there is a GP who specialises in womens health at your practice and book an appointment to see them.

For God's sake woman, pull yourself together!

(1) Comparison is the thief of joy.
(2) Make a list of all the good things in life (even if it is just drinking Prosecco in the bathroom).
(3) Treat yourself. Make a point, to spend X amount once a month on something that will make you happy.
(4) Go out for a nice long walk and feel gratitude that you are alive and there so so many things you can do and see that cost nothing.
(5) Start smiling at strangers, a smile is an expression of love & compassion, and you'll be surprised at the number of people who smile back.
(6) Did I mention, Prosecco?

The mirena can be used as part of the hrt regime in that you don’t need progesterone - just oestrogen. I used the mirena with oestrogel. You need to see another GP who knows more about menopause.

I would say that this is life. Life is difficult, we never achieve even a fraction of our dreams and life has no intrinsic meaning. Accepting this can be a good springboard going forward.

My husband was cynical about therapy until the point when buried childhood trauma finally brought him to his knees. He had spent a lifetime putting on a mask, feeling he could deal with it within himself and was a master at shutting people out.

He had individual and group therapy over the period of a few months and it transformed his life. It did three things for him and I am sure they would benefit you.

Firstly, it gave him a chance to talk about what had happened in a perfectly safe, unjudgemental environment.

I showed him he was not alone, that other people had suffered as children and held the restricting/debilitating pain with them for decades.

Thirdly, and most importantly, it enabled him to learn how to really forgive those who'd made him suffer when he was too young and vulnerable to protect himself. He was finally able to move on.

His only regret now is that he didn't have therapy earlier. He could have been free earlier and might not have had the breakdown that ultimately burst out of him.

Really think about this OP. You are not so unique that therapy can't help you. Find the money to do it because it could release you to make the most of the next few decades. It could be the best money you ever spend. If you don't change things you will be on here in a decade telling us the same story.

If there is really no way of affording therapy then there are many, many helpful books you can get from the library. In addition to therapy my DH read every book he could get his hands on and it helped him enormously.

You’ve raised 3 kids. Thats not nothing! Yeah you’ve put yourself last for years and are now probably realising the sacrifices you’ve made for other people. I hate to stereotype but you’re now perimenopausal and these feelings are common even in women who have careers. In fact some women are in the opposite situation to you. They sacrificed a family to have a good career. But I’d definitely download the balance app to see if you’re having any other meno symptoms and ask for HRT if you are. It’s really common to reflect at mid life. And grieve for the lives we haven’t had or can’t have and throw in some empty next and some relationship issues and that makes it harder. So go to the GP ask for HRT and someone to talk to? Then if you’re struggling to get full time work, think about perhaps volunteering somewhere to get some work experience & confidence, expand your social connections whilst doing something positive. It also fills your time and makes you realise that some folk do have harder times than we do & helping them can help you!

good luck & best wishes. I’m willing to put money on it that some HRT & lifestyle changes will make a difference within weeks!

I'm similar in some respects.

Two things have helped me:

1 - Remember that comparison is the thief of joy. So be happy for others but don't think you need to do what they do.

2 - Think what you enjoy that costs little and do that. For me it is walking around the countryside or such like. It gets me fit and keeps me mellow. Perhaps you like reading library books, doing some sport, join groups... whatever just anything that gives you some joy that doesn't cost a lot.

47! Get a grip and get a job.

For HRT the Nice guidelines say to treat the symptoms (no need for testing). Im assuming your Coil is a progesterone one? If so then you will just need Oestrogen patches or gel.

Take a look at the Balance Menopause website - full of amazing info, factsheets, podcasts, videos etc from both patients and professionals. Includes help with documenting your symptoms and how to talk to your GP.

Perhaps ask to see a different GP or Nurse at your practice with Menopause specific training.

I've never felt better mentally & physically, despite realising I prob have ADHD. My decades-long nighttime panic attacks have all but disappeared.

In an ideal world, what would you like to do job-wise??

I am 47 aswell and have two chronic health conditions that have left me unable to work and my partner has to look after me, he has to supervise when I'm in the shower as I have fallen a few times in the bath. He has to dry me as I can no longer reach places I used to. I can't go out alone incase something happens whilst I'm out. Now my partner has never complained about caring for me but I don't think he should have to. His answer is always who looked after him when he had a massive breakdown and who worked during COVID so we had a roof over our heads as he was let go during COVID so it was only me bringing in money as we had 3 teenage boys to feed

I just feel old and useless, as I doubt I'll ever be able to work again as I can barely walk 10 feet before my back is spasming, I have disassociative episodes and sometimes when I talk what I think I'm saying is not what is coming out my mouth or I just forget words and have to find other ways to explain thing. The list of things that go wrong in my body multiple regularly

Do you have a job OP? That's the obvious answer if not! If you do then you need to make a plan to change it. I think first thing is to retrain, I know there can be costs associated so it might take a while to save. Doing something that sounds tiring in theory can actually be energising if you enjoy it. If you don't have young kids you can do a course or study a couple of nights a week. Just think about what you want and like and what makes you happy. It might not work out perfectly but just making the change in itself will bring a sense of contentment.

You could go through talking therapies with the NHS and do CBT perhaps. You also sound a bit depressed so that could be worth a discussion with the GP perhaps

Ageing is inevitable (if you are lucky) getting old is optional. Time to put yourself first for a change.

I'm 50 so I get where you are coming from BUT you are 47!! Thats young you just feel old. Like a lot of others have said a job will help on a few fronts. You would have some income and get a much needed change of scenery. Its not easy to just walk into the perfect job so if I were you I'd start with a temp job or part time to get used to it. Like most people you will probably feel frightened / daunted and be sh1tting yourself starting but go for it. Start a new era in your life. Also hobbies, I have recently started violin lessons and of course it sounds awful and I'm not wonderful at it but I'm a beginner so I give myself a massive by ball and enjoy it. You need to get out of your negative mindset. Is there a ladies walking group you could join or something that doesn't cost much and is exercise? If you lived near me I'd be happy to go walking. Try to set yourself a few goals and be your own cheerleader. I wish you the best of luck.

OP, this isn't about ageing - it's about lack of confidence. If life has been difficult so far, now is the time to change that, especially as the kids are growing up. This is, finally, your time.
Try some volunteering, or take a course that interests you. There are so many opportunities out there. It will boost your skills, confidence and social circle. Tell the family to F off if they object - they don't need you running round after them.
How you look is irrelevant - it's who and how you are as a person that matters. As you age, you will feel more comfortable in your own skin, and life will massively improve.

your post is all about money worries and how you cannot afford x/y/z yet you haven't worked a single day in over 21 years (I would understand it of you have children with complex needs, but you don't mention being a carer to a disabled child). This is all just bonkers.

Start with HRT and apply for jobs, any job really. I just accept understand how adults without illnesses and disabilities have the cheek to moan about having no money but cannot be arsed to work. Crazy! I think this is your issue.