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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be speaking to my exes exes

30 replies

KhakiOrca · 18/10/2025 04:08

My EXH has just split up with the woman he cheated on me with. He cheated on her now too. And all she does is phone me up. Im going through a difficult time myself and dont mind talking to her as we are both sharing our emotions together. She is hurt that my ex cheated on her ( which I told her would happen when I first spoke to her yrs ago) I never blame the other woman. I blame the absolute arsehole of the man.
Well now my ex who I have recently split with, Im now talking to he's ex. My ex left his phone here when we split up and I unblocked a number on his contacts and then I saw a WhatsApp thing underneath the contact, so I clicked it only to see the photo of who it was and it started bloody calling her!
Anyway I clicked it off then all these messages started coming through. She was thinking its him. In the end I just replied that I was sorry didn't mean to call. Anyway my noseyness got the better of me and I pretended to be him. And found out he was also fucking cheating with her while he was with me.
Omg honestly I am so confused by my life right now. I eventually said he had left his phone here and she was now talking to me
So she still thinks she was actually talking to him until I said I now have his phone.
I suspected it was going on anyway so it didn't come as a shock, even though she was denying it when she called me.
I am just so hurt but so happy I knew I wasn't going mad.
Again, I have no hard feeling toward her either. We actually got on well, same as the other women from my ex husband. But within days of things happening. I am now talking to two exes of two exes and getting on well with them.
I know not all men are arseholes but the ones I have met are.
It's so easy for women to hate the other woman. But I actually pity them and feel sorry for them.
People keep telling me they would be fuming with the other women but I am really not! Just the arsehole men.
I dont know what my AIBU is really. But just wondering if anyone else has actually felt sorry the the other woman.

So AIBU to feel sorry for the other women.

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 18/10/2025 09:43

all she does is phone me up.

You have got yourself into a situation you need to get out of. Step away and focus on living your life, not living in the past. Block them all.

SandyY2K · 18/10/2025 07:02

I wouldn't be talking to these ex girlfriends of his. Nothing good will come of it and you get stuck in the drama.

Just focus on your own life.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 18/10/2025 06:58

I disagree. I am starting to think all men are arseholes and that you’re not unlucky. You just engaged with men.

Original poster
KhakiOrca · 18/10/2025 04:36

OwlBeThere · 18/10/2025 04:21

Did they know the men were in relationships when they got together? That makes a difference for me.
I do agree that it’s the man who made a commitment to you, so he is definitely who you should be angry at. I wouldn’t blame the women in that respect, however feeling sorry for them is different…that would depend on if they thought they were dating a single man and have now learned they weren’t, in that case I’d feel bad for them, but if they knew? I wouldn’t feel angry at the them, but I also wouldn’t feel bad for them either.

I hope you are ok though. If talking to them helps you deal with the break up then do it. But don’t get too friendly would be my caution because trauma bonding isn’t necessarily the basis for a friendship.

Yes they both knew and one was married herself.
And yeah I agree with you about not getting too close to them.But it does kind of help to process certain things.

OP posts:
OwlBeThere · 18/10/2025 04:21

Did they know the men were in relationships when they got together? That makes a difference for me.
I do agree that it’s the man who made a commitment to you, so he is definitely who you should be angry at. I wouldn’t blame the women in that respect, however feeling sorry for them is different…that would depend on if they thought they were dating a single man and have now learned they weren’t, in that case I’d feel bad for them, but if they knew? I wouldn’t feel angry at the them, but I also wouldn’t feel bad for them either.

I hope you are ok though. If talking to them helps you deal with the break up then do it. But don’t get too friendly would be my caution because trauma bonding isn’t necessarily the basis for a friendship.

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