Moving day ruined

I'm so confused by this ,.... If you have a while til tenancy ends why rush today? Why not plan the move for a day when husband isn't working? I'm really confused why all the drama

You are looking at a wage in very simplistic terms and forgetting everything else that comes with working.

Long term career progression for one. OP needs to avoid skill loss. Continuing to work builds state and workplace pension entitlement, which benefits long-term financial security. And some financial independence from the dickhead husband. Being employed gives access to rights like sick pay, maternity leave, and redundancy pay. Demonstrate to children the value of work, independence, and gender equality, including to the sister who has just had a tragedy at terrible age and could end up in a very bad place longterm without proper role modelling. Work can provide a sense of purpose, identity, and social interaction outside of family life. And for op, value in herself not to put up with shitty behaviour.

But also, government schemes (like Tax-Free Childcare or 15/30 free hours for 2–4 year olds) can offset costs significantly. Even after childcare, there may still be a net gain, especially as children grow and costs decrease as the household income increases. Op could also look for work that is different hours to what her dh works. Many employers offer flexible hours.

op‘s husband is not working as a team member. she needs to get back to work. Costs are shared (not halved). And housework and parenting is shared. At the moment he seems to think he has staff.

It sounds very odd, if he isn’t usually like this?

I assume the family tragedy has been pretty traumatic for him?

Can I ask why there was such pressure on you to move everything in one day when you have your old house til the end of the month ?

You say he ‘works like crazy’, could the main move have been left til the weekend when he could have dealt with the furniture etc?

I hope you can all calm down and sort it out. You sound exhausted and It must have been very upsetting for the 13 year old to see you and the little ones leave.

I'm stunned at the apologists for this man. Couples should work as teams, not individuals and he should have helped. I agree that the planning of the move could have been better.

That’s not true. I can’t believe you think that nobody who has children can work.

And again, he needs to pay half of the costs.

Also it depends what they do as jobs surely.

The cost of childcare would probably outweigh any wages

Reading through her subsequent posts, she has his 13 year old sister living with them too, I think. Yes lots of people do work with children, including myself. I was just thinking with the amount of childcare involved it probably wouldn’t be worth it financially and it sounds like she has a lot going on at the moment and it doesn’t seem like the partner/husband is much help at all

I voted YABU because you chose this lazy shit as your husband. Reap what you sow.

Enjoy your prize.

Do you really think she can’t work and have kids? Plus the 13 yo is not her child.

I’m guessing dh’s parents have died? How long ago was that?

She doesn't have a 13 year old.
Lots of people work and have children. Giving up all forms of paid work to be a housewife is a privilege. Op has a dickhead for a husband. She cannot put herself in that position.

That would be fifty percent his cost though.

People do work and have a secondary age child, one at primary school abd one in childcare.

Ouch. There’s not too much that can be said about your situation which other posters haven’t said. You chose badly and he is a completely selfish arsehole. Make plans to get support from your family and leave him.

How can she get a job when she has two small children and a 13 year old? The childcare costs would outweigh any wages

Why did you allow him to sit there playing games? Why didn't you just sit down too? If he couldn't be bothered, why should you?

He sounds like a charmer. But you don’t need to move on the day you get the keys. Frankly if I behaved like that my wife would be in a mood with me for so long I’d never try it again. If you forced him to move on this day because you got the keys when you have a two week overlap and he had work I can begin to understand his frustration.

This.

he is a dickhead.
you need to go back to work and start sharing all housework and parenting.

I'm so confused. Where was the plan? If he was working why didnt you wait for a day off? Was he meant to move all the furniture all on his own? Do you have a van? Why didn't you sort childcare and planning who was going to do what. It just sounds a bit disorganised.
Also, fuck packing everything whilst he played computer games. Is he 12?

You’ve both made extra hard work of it with moving home. It’s stressful enough without all this added drama. 🤷‍♀️

He's ducked out of family life to the point he doesn't even consider the welfare of your children, he sees it as something you can deal with. Stay at your parents until the house is set up. You can't do both, your children are too little. Accept any help offered by your parents and start conversations while there. This can't carry on.

This.

Why did you allow that?

Tbh I have no idea why you attempted to move in today, when your husband is busy working, when you have two full weeks (including two weekends) in your existing tenancy. Why did you think stair gates and furniture would magically appear? I don’t see any reason why your husband should re organise his working to move house today just because you got the keys today.

When DH and I bought our first house i was on a work trip abroad - he FaceTimed me from the new empty house when he picked up the keys, then went back to our rented flat and we moved when I got home that weekend…

Is he struggling due to the family tragedy that now means he’s solely responsible for a wiife and three children instead of two?

and instead of packing he used his free time to play video games while I did ALL the packing and labelling by myself as well as 24/7 care giving of three children

I don’t understand why you allowed this. If this is true, I would have smashed the video game thing with a hammer, fuck that. You just packed, while muttering beer your breath while he sat and played?

Do you have two kids or three?

edit Just realised his sister must still be a child too. He sounds like an idiot. I think stay at your parents a little longer and figure out if you actually want to be with him.

Guessing this is typical behaviour for him? “Babysit” his own kids! I’d be looking at lining my ducks up to leave this useless twat.