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Original poster

Moving day ruined

84 replies

Prinajdjd · 18/10/2025 01:36

I have 2 toddlers and my DH’s sister recently moved in with us due to tragedy in the family. He took her in but as he works like crazy, I, being a stay at home mom do the care giving, the cooking, cleaning etc. Our kids are 3 and 1. We recently moved to get a bigger house. We’ve known we were moving for a couple of weeks and instead of packing he used his free time to play video games while I did ALL the packing and labelling by myself as well as 24/7 care giving of three children. On actual moving day it was pushed back to today. As my DH had meetings and refused to reschedule even though he is self employed, we had to wake up half 6 to accommodate for his schedule, as he decided it was best to leave us in the unfurnished house with no stair gates or safety measures for my youngsters. I agreed because we both needed to be there with IDs to pick up the keys from the letting agent. I instead took the three kids and I shopping. When he got back I requested we stayed back into our old house until the new one was furnished as it was unsafe and the electric wasn’t on. He said I was being unreasonable as the trip back would take too long (30 minutes away) and he had other things to pick up. He remained in a strop all day and went out at 2 after dropping as back home. He came back at nearly 9 pm, still haven’t had picked up any furniture as he claimed he had chest pains due to the stress. I told him if that was true he would stay, help me put the kids to sleep and we could both tackle the moving tomorrow. I had also only had a few hours sleep from having to pack the remaining items when the kids were asleep with no help. I felt stir crazy as I’d been going 13 hours no break and I was at my breaking point. He instead at 9 pm said he was going to take the furniture up and he didn’t want to “babysit” kids while I just rested on my phone and if I wasn’t going to go straight to sleep I wasn’t as tired as I was claiming. As things were very heated and he was adamant I was the problem, I left with the kids (apart from his sister) and went to more sympathetic people- my parents. How can I possibly be in the wrong?

OP posts:
NewHat · 18/10/2025 11:57

GentleJadeOP · 18/10/2025 09:16

Yes I agree. I just think everyone piling in saying she needs to get a job, needs to think whether this would work financially and in the short term the support she is looking for is the way her husband had treated her and obviously the chaotic house move. None of us know her circumstances and job potential. I know from experience how difficult it is to work with young children (toddlers in this case) She already sounds at the end of her tether and comments like ‘get a job’ are not very helpful. She needs to deal with the current situation first. Just simply getting a job doesn’t solve any of the current problems

Show quote history

I really disagree.

Getting a job is a way of regaining some control and give her a means to some independence and choices.

Flapping about saying she can’t work because she has got young children so she should just live with a man who is abusive until…well until when…is not constructive. It’s not a solution to just keep doing what she’s doing.

How do you think she should ‘deal with the current situation’? She can’t make him into a different person.

cgwdwnmi · 18/10/2025 11:06

He's an arsehole.
But on the other hand the whole thing sounds really badly planned and perhaps you don't communicate effectively with each other.
If you've got a month to leave the place you are currently living in you have time to do the move in stages at an appropriate time. I don't really understood why you had to move on the day you got the keys and therefore do it after work, which was always going to be a nightmare and a failure.
You need to sit together and make a proper plan as to how the move is going to take place, what time the friends with vans will be coming, what will be moved first etc.

aWeeCornishPastie · 18/10/2025 10:32

He sounds like an absolute man child boot his arse!! Out the door preferably or stop letting him get away with all that

Original poster
Prinajdjd · 18/10/2025 10:30

vickylou78 · 18/10/2025 10:28

But why not arrange for day when he isn't working?? Who moves after work? No wonder he didn't want to do it. But is bad that he didn't help with packing. Did he want to move in 2 weeks time? This is what I don't get.

He insisted for the move to “get it out the way so we could focus on work” but when I realised this would be impossible in a day I tried to delay it. Once he gets an idea in his head it’s very hard to change it.

OP posts:
vickylou78 · 18/10/2025 10:28

But why not arrange for day when he isn't working?? Who moves after work? No wonder he didn't want to do it. But is bad that he didn't help with packing. Did he want to move in 2 weeks time? This is what I don't get.

Original poster
Prinajdjd · 18/10/2025 10:10

Canonlythinkofthisone · 18/10/2025 07:22

I'm so confused. Where was the plan? If he was working why didnt you wait for a day off? Was he meant to move all the furniture all on his own? Do you have a van? Why didn't you sort childcare and planning who was going to do what. It just sounds a bit disorganised.
Also, fuck packing everything whilst he played computer games. Is he 12?

He has a van and was offered by many friends to help move but declined. He also was meant to move the furniture starting with the beds immediately after work but didn’t think to until 9pm when it was the kids bed time and I was already knackered.

OP posts:
Original poster
Prinajdjd · 18/10/2025 10:06

CopperWhite · 18/10/2025 05:36

Is he struggling due to the family tragedy that now means he’s solely responsible for a wiife and three children instead of two?

It’s his half sister and only to do with her dads side of the family.

OP posts:
honeybeetheoneandonly · 18/10/2025 09:35

His behaviour on the surface seems unreasonable BUT what was the family tragedy that led his 13 year old sister to leave her home and move in with her adult brother? Surely this family tragedy is also seriously affecting him? I think the move has probably come at the worst time possible and he isn't coping at all? I would tell him you have sympathy but you cannot deal with this alone. He needs to bite the bullet and come through for this and then he can look into (grief?) counselling for him and his sister to get back on an even keel.

1stTimeMummy2021 · 18/10/2025 09:27

@Prinajdjd I can't believe he said babysitting about his own children, it's called parenting, which it sounds like he doesn't do. He's not a partner and you'd be better off alone. I will never understand men who don't want to spend time with their own children.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 18/10/2025 09:24

GentleJadeOP · 18/10/2025 09:16

Yes I agree. I just think everyone piling in saying she needs to get a job, needs to think whether this would work financially and in the short term the support she is looking for is the way her husband had treated her and obviously the chaotic house move. None of us know her circumstances and job potential. I know from experience how difficult it is to work with young children (toddlers in this case) She already sounds at the end of her tether and comments like ‘get a job’ are not very helpful. She needs to deal with the current situation first. Just simply getting a job doesn’t solve any of the current problems

Show quote history

Staying with an abusive partner doesnt either but that also keeps her dependent on him.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 18/10/2025 09:22

You yourself identified this hideous man as abusive in May. Why not use this as a springboard to finally leave him?

Floatingdownriver · 18/10/2025 09:18

LTB

GentleJadeOP · 18/10/2025 09:16

Rogerthat14 · 18/10/2025 09:00

So no one with toddlers work?

and surely for you to conclude that you need to know the OP’s salary potential?

Show quote history

Yes I agree. I just think everyone piling in saying she needs to get a job, needs to think whether this would work financially and in the short term the support she is looking for is the way her husband had treated her and obviously the chaotic house move. None of us know her circumstances and job potential. I know from experience how difficult it is to work with young children (toddlers in this case) She already sounds at the end of her tether and comments like ‘get a job’ are not very helpful. She needs to deal with the current situation first. Just simply getting a job doesn’t solve any of the current problems

FreeTheOakTree · 18/10/2025 09:15

I left with the kids (apart from his sister) and went to more sympathetic people- my parents.

Can you stay there longer term? I would want to get out of this marriage, get a job and get my life back on track.

Sunholidays · 18/10/2025 09:10

If your new tenancy is unfurnished moving will require more planning than just moving in when you get the keys. It all sounds disorganised tbh.

RabbitsEatPancakes · 18/10/2025 09:06

He sounds like a dick but I don't really understand what's gone on with the move. Why the rush if you have time left on the tenancy. Surely the tv and computer would be packed up so how was he playing them?

Couldn't your parents have come and watch the kids to help? Or you could've fetched the keys with a car load of stuff to have ready at the house? Or just pay movers.

Not sure about the desperation for stairgates- we've coped fine without for long times.

Rogerthat14 · 18/10/2025 09:01

Op as per your last thread, you are in an abusive marriage. This won’t get better with a house move.

Rogerthat14 · 18/10/2025 09:00

GentleJadeOP · 18/10/2025 07:40

How can she get a job when she has two small children and a 13 year old? The childcare costs would outweigh any wages

Show quote history

So no one with toddlers work?

and surely for you to conclude that you need to know the OP’s salary potential?

Trendyname · 18/10/2025 08:53

Prinajdjd · 18/10/2025 01:36

I have 2 toddlers and my DH’s sister recently moved in with us due to tragedy in the family. He took her in but as he works like crazy, I, being a stay at home mom do the care giving, the cooking, cleaning etc. Our kids are 3 and 1. We recently moved to get a bigger house. We’ve known we were moving for a couple of weeks and instead of packing he used his free time to play video games while I did ALL the packing and labelling by myself as well as 24/7 care giving of three children. On actual moving day it was pushed back to today. As my DH had meetings and refused to reschedule even though he is self employed, we had to wake up half 6 to accommodate for his schedule, as he decided it was best to leave us in the unfurnished house with no stair gates or safety measures for my youngsters. I agreed because we both needed to be there with IDs to pick up the keys from the letting agent. I instead took the three kids and I shopping. When he got back I requested we stayed back into our old house until the new one was furnished as it was unsafe and the electric wasn’t on. He said I was being unreasonable as the trip back would take too long (30 minutes away) and he had other things to pick up. He remained in a strop all day and went out at 2 after dropping as back home. He came back at nearly 9 pm, still haven’t had picked up any furniture as he claimed he had chest pains due to the stress. I told him if that was true he would stay, help me put the kids to sleep and we could both tackle the moving tomorrow. I had also only had a few hours sleep from having to pack the remaining items when the kids were asleep with no help. I felt stir crazy as I’d been going 13 hours no break and I was at my breaking point. He instead at 9 pm said he was going to take the furniture up and he didn’t want to “babysit” kids while I just rested on my phone and if I wasn’t going to go straight to sleep I wasn’t as tired as I was claiming. As things were very heated and he was adamant I was the problem, I left with the kids (apart from his sister) and went to more sympathetic people- my parents. How can I possibly be in the wrong?

You are not unreasonable. From my own experience and observing others, some men have no respect for their wives for not working for money. I sense that from his comment that ‘you will be resting on your phone’. He is dismissing all you do to take care of 3 kids, home and a lot of other things.

I don’t have much advice but will say for him to stop behaving this way, he needs to change his mindset and deep seated attitude that women who stay at home taking care of kids, cooking, cleaning, coordinating are not just sitting with their phones. But such arrogant men have no real motivation to change that rigid mindset. It’s very disrespectful of him. I suspect he saw his mother in a job so look down on stay at home mothers.

Is the third child his sister?

JJMama · 18/10/2025 08:49

Squirrel177 · 18/10/2025 02:32

The only thing you did wrong was having children with the wrong man.

This. “Babysit” his own kids? And refused to? This tells you everything you need to know. Move on your own with the help of your parents, and leave this cretin with his sister.

Badgerandfox227 · 18/10/2025 08:47

PflumPfeffer · 18/10/2025 02:56

  1. Get a job
  2. Choose a new home for you and your kids.
  3. LTB
  4. Be happy that the only headache you’ll have going forward will be if he ever bothers to visit the kids or gets EOW in a custody arrangement. You won’t have to deal with his shit 24/7 anymore.
  5. A long time later when everything is settled… maybe find someone who cares about you, puts you first and wants you to be happy.

What are your job prospects like? Do you have a profession you can go back to?

I agree with this

Homegrownberries · 18/10/2025 08:38

He is taking advantage of you. This behaviour is never going to change. This is it. You can either accept it or cut your losses. If you're going to cut your loses do it now because you'll blink and 10 years will have passed, you'll still being doing everything for everyone and you will be a shadow of your former self. You'll have no cv to speak of and you'll feel stuck.

rainbowstardrops · 18/10/2025 08:38

He’s a twat. I’d stay with your parents for the foreseeable if I were you.

TheBeaTgoeson1 · 18/10/2025 08:37

A father is never ‘babysitting’ his own children.

ExtraOnions · 18/10/2025 08:36

Moving house is stressful.

You have 2 weeks, tackle it piecemeal.

He doesn’t sound like he’s been very helpful, and should have done more.