WIBTA if I refuse to cater for my ‘vegan’ MIL?

I just looked at the Ocado site and they do a few vegan roasts, pies, side dishes (including sausages) and gravy. I think you could put together a nice meal for her from these, and maybe include a simple vegetable in your own meal and do her a baked potato?

Well just because it hasn't happened to you personally, that doesn't mean that it doesn't happen to anybody else!

Most vegans are happy to live and let live (and I'm aware that some of them would find that phrase very ironic - but I'm talking about humans); but some of them are indeed preachy and unwilling to freely accept other people's simple choice for themselves to be omnivore.

Fair enough if you were the one hosting and you chose the menu - I presume nobody was imprisoned or forced to attend against their will if they objected?!

Yes, that's what I was trying to say - but I may not have phrased it very well!

People are telling OP that she can 'just' prepare her veg differently and she 'doesn't need' to add fats or animal juices/products to them - but that's how she likes to serve them! And as she doesn't have any actual vegans there, what possible reason would there be to deliberately make them vegan and - in her (and my!) opinion - less nice?!

I'd get her some vegan alternatives and she can decide whether or not to break her rules on the day.

I wouldn't provide an equivalent for everything.

Sample message : Hey MIL, I'm really looking forward to seeing you ! Unfortunately I won't be able to sort an alternative for every dish, but I'll make sure you have at least some vegan options to pick from. Feel free to bring some of your own as well !

I suppose it depends on budget but it you wanted ready made vegan stuff so you could concentrate on the rest then this could be an option ?

https://www.cookfood.net/products/vegan-dinner-for-2?utm_source=google&utm_medium=shopping&utm_campaign=vegan-dinner-for-2&&utm_medium=ppc&utm_source=google&utm_term=&campaignid=18794886401&adgroupid=168156038629&utm_campaign=Shopping%7CNon%20Shop%20Locations&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=18794886401&gbraid=0AAAAAD_P-4g3Ge5LBOFHggyKiWgdZYN5m&gclid=EAIaIQobChMImvv-x5KukAMVr5BQBh0dJAa_EAQYAyABEgKlDvD_BwE

I would accommodate her , however if she went to put something non vegan on her plate I would be “ oh MIL please don’t have those potatoes they aren’t vegan “

I think you can go with vegan ready meal for protein, stuffing, gravy and make separate roast potatoes without duck fat for her (or get frozen roast potatoes and shove a few in the air fryer if you have one). Put maple syrup on the carrots and parsnips instead of honey and job done. A small amount of extra work but means she gets a bit of everything except mash.

To all those people suggesting OP 'just' does a little extra tray of roast potatoes, an individual vegan main, a little jug of vegan gravy, a small dish of sprouts without lardons, a few vegan pigs in blankets etc... My kitchen is small, I only have a single oven and not many dishes, I have limited funds and cooking Christmas dinner is stressful enough already! Do people really have the resources to add all that extra work for just one person who's decided they don't want to eat some things?

MsSara

"I have family who are vegan, vegetarian, gluten free etc. I take pleasure in hosting and love to make sure everyone is catered for. It takes a bit more effort than just doing the same thing for everyone but I find they all appreciate the effort. Just do it Op. Even if you pre make her potatoes etc and heat them up etc."

So lovely to read this. Our Godson's brother is dairy free and I love finding special chocolate or cheese for him.

Having dietary needs can be a pain (for the individual), for whatever reason people have them. So catering to those needs and not making it a big deal can be nice. OP as your MIL is the 'problem', maybe your other half should be helping with the catering for her.

@Veganornotvegan - could you do a little tray with parsnips, carrots and roasties done in oil, and some balls of vegan stuffing, cooked ahead of time, and slotted back into the oven while the turkey is resting - then all you need is vegan gravy granules and the nut roast?

I was responding to a specific post, you can easily see that if you click "show more" and then follow that little exchange. I know it can be confusing but if you focus really hard I'm sure you'll get it one day.

That's just personal choice though. I hate my sprouts messed around with. Simply steamed with black pepper. No bacon or butter with them.

The post I was replying to and quoted was NOT!

Well, you made all of those scenarios up in your head. Noone I know who's vegan has ever told me that I hate animals for not being vegan.

In the situation I was relaying (which was not all the stuff you have added) I was asked to cook for nine people, one was vegan, so made vegan food for everyone. Noone asked me to do that but equally it didn't "just happen to be vegan", I chose to make vegan food. And noone complained. The post I was responding to said "I wouldn't inflict that on my friends" which I think is narrow minded because there is plenty of nice stuff you can do that's vegan. And it was two meals out of their whole lives. Breakfast was not vegan (I only did the dinners).

Yeah but find a vegan not driving a car made of animals is a bit slim though.

Or maybe they get round that because they don't eat cars, so it's ok in their heads.

Vegan dont eat animal products.
It's an animal product.

The industry kills (& culls) a lot of bees.
Vegans don't agree with killing bees.

It's also an odd concept IMO.

One of the things MN has taught me is that a lot of "vegans" and "vegetarians" secretly eat animal products and then lie about it!

@Poobs2022 Thank you very much! 💐

But the flipside is that OP ends up being dictated to about how she cooks her sprouts. Butter and bacon make them vastly nicer!

I think if someone's not a strict vegan it's unreasonable to expect you to cater vegan. I have various dietary principles that shift a bit when someone else is feeding me because that's life and we all have to be a bit flexible.

All the people lecturing you about how it's not difficult to do a vegan menu/dishes; yes, that's true but Christmas dinner has a lot of components and is already stressful to coordinate, and oven space is often at a premium.

And the person saying if you can't be trusted about vegan-animal cross contamination, then you can't be trusted with raw meat: absolutely not! I prepare the meat, have a good clear down and then relax because I won't poison anyone if I stir the sprouts with a bacony spoon. I consciously 'cross contaminate' things that don't matter.

I've seen a lot of suggestions of 'posh veg sides from M&S'. No use at all - they're full of cream and butter at the best of times, and double down on it at Xmas. Value ranges from normal supermarkets are much more likely to be vegan.

I'd better carry on eating everything then!

Well, yes. That would indeed be an entirely reasonable position for both the host and the vegan guest to adopt.

But it seems from the OP that MIL wants her choice to be vegan to be treated like a disability, or rather, what she imagines a disability is like ("You can't discriminate against me! If you provide a full Christmas dinner you must provide me with a vegan version of everything, otherwise you are a eugenicist or or or, well, something!!").

That's ridiculous for many reasons, and the fact that she has apparently decided that her right to "Dinner with all the trimmings" trumps both OP's right to choose how she hosts (at OP's house), and the rights of the cow and chicken (whose milk and eggs went into the Yorkshires) not to be exploited for the benefit of humans† (at the pub/restaurant), shows just how performative MIL's flexi-veganism is. If you're flexi for yourself then be flexi for your hosts.

Frankly I would have been a lot less surprised if the story had been about a 17 year old rather than a woman in (presumably) her 50s or above.

† Carnivore here. Apologies to any vegans if I have misrepresented their position.

Yes, this absolutely.

You don't NEED to add meat juices to vegetables; then again, unless they're actually genuinely allergic to meat and other animal products, nobody NEEDS to be vegan in the first place.

Unless somebody is a cannibal (or a 'humanitarian' as some people might say!), it's really controlling to try to coerce or dictate to another adult what they should or shouldn't eat.

No, but neither do I berate others for not following my rules. I go to the gym every morning before work, that is my rule.I don't expect others to and tell them off for not doing. That's what the MIL is doing. The most committed vegan I know - well actually the only one I know- never ever mentions his diet or that he's a vegan as it's the least interesting thing about him.

I wasn't the poster you were replying to.