Page 2 | WIBTA if I refuse to cater for my ‘vegan’ MIL?

Veganornotvegan · 2025-10-17T20:15:28+00:00

My MIL recently announced that she is vegan. Great. Love that for her. This obviously came with a request that whenever we cater for her (think Sunday lunch, dinner parties, events, etc.) we cater for her as a vegan. All good so far. However, she says she’s vegan, but she’s not. Two recent examples when we’ve been out for dinner, she ordered a vegan chilli, but with a side of dairy sour cream (“to make it less spicy”), or a vegan roast dinner, with a side of normal Yorkshire puddings (because “there’s no vegan alternative”). We are hosting a typical 3 / (4 with cheese course) course Christmas dinner for 14 adults and 4 children, no one else has any dietary restrictions or requirements, and my MIL wants me to make a separate vegan version of everything just for her (no duck fat potatoes, no honey roast parsnips, no meat dripping gravy, etc). WIBTA if I said no / she needs to bring her own?

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/10/2025 19:22

QuiltPlantCandle · 21/10/2025 16:38

I think that's the key point. It's unnecessary to cook potatoes in goose fat, so to do so when one of your guests in vegetarian seems unkind.

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Why is it not unkind to not serve the other 13 people what they prefer?

There are a lot of things that are unnecessary but we do them anyway, because we like them! Most of what is eaten at Xmas is unnecessary but we do it as its a special occasion.

Personally I would do a few plain spuds in the air fryer and leave it at that, no way would be making something different for everyone at the request of one person who isnt even what they claim to be!

SwingTheMonkey · 21/10/2025 18:47

QuiltPlantCandle · 21/10/2025 16:38

I think that's the key point. It's unnecessary to cook potatoes in goose fat, so to do so when one of your guests in vegetarian seems unkind.

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I think the suggestion of putting a small number of potatoes in a separate tin within the bigger tin of potatoes is a much better idea than expecting someone to alter the way they like to cook to suit one guest.

QuiltPlantCandle · 21/10/2025 16:38

Financial · 21/10/2025 01:01

It seems that MiL has occasionally eaten the vegetarian choices. Serving her vegetables cooked in goose fat and meat gravy is out of order and totally unnecessary, especially if she’s unaware of this.

I think that's the key point. It's unnecessary to cook potatoes in goose fat, so to do so when one of your guests in vegetarian seems unkind.

CrispieCake · 21/10/2025 01:29

There are lots of good microwave options.

Financial · 21/10/2025 01:01

It seems that MiL has occasionally eaten the vegetarian choices. Serving her vegetables cooked in goose fat and meat gravy is out of order and totally unnecessary, especially if she’s unaware of this.

Janicchoplin · 20/10/2025 15:57

angela1952 · 20/10/2025 15:17

@Janicchoplin If it's not for ethical reasons and she has broken her own rules to suit herself. Make everything the same. Just throw a nut roast in the oven then serve her portion and split the rest with others as a stuffing.

This sounds like a really great idea, a nut roast would make a lovely stuffing and you could add dried cranberries, apricots, prunes or whatever. You could also cook vegan sausages on top so she felt she was getting her share of Christmas trimmings.

Exactly! She feels included. Without telling her the rest

QuiltPlantCandle · 20/10/2025 15:26

It's not difficult to make vegan friendly side dishes, so that's what I would probably do, because surely that's part of being a good host. So I would do "normal" roast potatoes rather than goose fat potatoes, not roast the parsnips in honey, etc. Gravy? Make your own regular gravy and do a separate small jug of Bisto for her. Along with some sort of ready made vegan main, accommodating her won't be much extra work at all. If she chooses to have a Yorkshire pudding, that's her choice.

angela1952 · 20/10/2025 15:17

@Janicchoplin If it's not for ethical reasons and she has broken her own rules to suit herself. Make everything the same. Just throw a nut roast in the oven then serve her portion and split the rest with others as a stuffing.

This sounds like a really great idea, a nut roast would make a lovely stuffing and you could add dried cranberries, apricots, prunes or whatever. You could also cook vegan sausages on top so she felt she was getting her share of Christmas trimmings.

angela1952 · 20/10/2025 15:08

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 18/10/2025 22:49

I love baked potatoes but if I were to be given one for Christmas dinner instead of roast potatoes I think I'd cry.

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Maybe she could bring her own?!

NellieElephantine · 20/10/2025 07:40

Do what you want @Financial
'There ain't no party like a yorky pud party, cos a Yorky pud party don't stop!'

Janicchoplin · 20/10/2025 06:55

Financial · 19/10/2025 22:03

😂
It’s just not traditional Mark

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"it's just not traditional mark" 🤔. Interesting that you think you know my traditions, have we met?
No. Well there you go. I have Yorkshire puddings with all my roast dinners. So does everyone that I know. So I guess that's our tradition.

NellieElephantine · 19/10/2025 23:24

Financial · 19/10/2025 22:03

😂
It’s just not traditional Mark

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Best get some lettuce in for the drinks Corrigan...

SomewhereInTheMIdlands · 19/10/2025 22:53

Lettuce?

Financial · 19/10/2025 22:03

Janicchoplin · 19/10/2025 11:21

I mentioned the Yorkshire puddings only because the OP mentioned them. Your quite right shop bought Yorkshires are not dripping in animal fat as a rule but you can get them. But some restaurants they are. Which was also my impression when op said that they were the only option available.

Just because you dislike Yorkshire puddings on your Christmas dinner its a little presumptuous that others don't like it because "you" don't.

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😂
It’s just not traditional Mark

autumn1610 · 19/10/2025 21:26

NellieElephantine · 18/10/2025 08:35

So change everything, build the meal around the flexi vegan? Nope as pp, very separate meals, I'd make a point of separate colour plates and bowls, and making it clear you'd designated a 'vegan' part of your kitchen for prep and cooking, so you'll make sure all the traditional food is kept well away!

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Not really your separating food before you add animal fat to it. Just taking a few things out after boiler and setting it aside isn’t too much. Like I said see what she actually fancies in her Xmas dinner. However I would be plating it up for her so not to have multiple dishes out on the table

NellieElephantine · 19/10/2025 20:07

SwingTheMonkey · 19/10/2025 16:13

What exactly is ‘tedious’ about cooking something in the way in which you prefer? Is it equally ‘tedious’ that you cook your potatoes in oil and don’t add bacon to the sprouts?

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Exactly, should I find it tedious dh has ketchup on a bacon roll, when he should have hp brown sauce because that's how I like it?

EasternStandard · 19/10/2025 19:24

SwingTheMonkey · 19/10/2025 16:13

What exactly is ‘tedious’ about cooking something in the way in which you prefer? Is it equally ‘tedious’ that you cook your potatoes in oil and don’t add bacon to the sprouts?

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Ik it’s so controlling to cook someone’s else’s way tedious.

SwingTheMonkey · 19/10/2025 16:26

Cherrytree86 · 18/10/2025 22:38

Save the unnecessary calories and don’t cook with goose fat @Veganornotvegan

Who on earth worries about calories on Christmas Day?

SwingTheMonkey · 19/10/2025 16:13

RhiWrites · 18/10/2025 13:32

You really don’t need to pour meat juices over all the naturally vegan or vegetarian food.

It’s so tedious to insist on adding duck fat to potatoes, they’re nice without it. Or bacon in sprouts, just don’t.

Your guests will be fine with the main dishes being meaty and the vegetables not.

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What exactly is ‘tedious’ about cooking something in the way in which you prefer? Is it equally ‘tedious’ that you cook your potatoes in oil and don’t add bacon to the sprouts?

Lookingforhomesolutions · 19/10/2025 14:57

My MIL is gluten and dairy free by choice (not vegan though), she always brings her own alternative meal when there's a family get together at ours. No fuss at all.

Imdoodleladie · 19/10/2025 14:38

I understand your point of view. But generally speaking, even now, that's the way it goes . Its really old fashioned. The having to acquiesce to the mother in law & bite your tongue. But some unwritten rules where families are concerned, are almost set in stone. They are not going to change for generations to come, because they never have. Put your frustrations aside & maybe buy a cheap tiered steamer and cook everything for your MIL in that separately & in one go. Her meal won't be as yummy as everyone else's and that is something she will have to forgo. Swings both ways. Just tell her you will do your best to accommodate her vegan diet. She can't ask for more.

NoBinturongsHereMate · 19/10/2025 14:23

Hardly a full dinner with no veg. But an easy starting point.

NellieElephantine · 19/10/2025 14:11

Here you go @Veganornotvegan full vegan dinner and all on one tray!

WIBTA if I refuse to cater for my ‘vegan’ MIL?

NellieElephantine · 19/10/2025 14:09

Imdoodleladie · 19/10/2025 13:54

This is called family politics! It's your MIL. I would find the fact that she has non vegan food occasionally quite funny actually!! Just go along with it. It's a pain I FULLY understand but is a plate of food really worth falling out for!! Try to see it from that point of view. A MIL quirk as it were. Trust me many MIL have worse!!!!

I never understand the 'go along with it for family politics'... why does the give always have to be one way?!

Imdoodleladie · 19/10/2025 13:54

This is called family politics! It's your MIL. I would find the fact that she has non vegan food occasionally quite funny actually!! Just go along with it. It's a pain I FULLY understand but is a plate of food really worth falling out for!! Try to see it from that point of view. A MIL quirk as it were. Trust me many MIL have worse!!!!