Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBTA if I refuse to cater for my ‘vegan’ MIL?

469 replies

Veganornotvegan · 17/10/2025 21:15

My MIL recently announced that she is vegan. Great. Love that for her.

This obviously came with a request that whenever we cater for her (think Sunday lunch, dinner parties, events, etc.) we cater for her as a vegan. All good so far.

However, she says she’s vegan, but she’s not. Two recent examples when we’ve been out for dinner, she ordered a vegan chilli, but with a side of dairy sour cream (“to make it less spicy”), or a vegan roast dinner, with a side of normal Yorkshire puddings (because “there’s no vegan alternative”).

We are hosting a typical 3 / (4 with cheese course) course Christmas dinner for 14 adults and 4 children, no one else has any dietary restrictions or requirements, and my MIL wants me to make a separate vegan version of everything just for her (no duck fat potatoes, no honey roast parsnips, no meat dripping gravy, etc). WIBTA if I said no / she needs to bring her own?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Matildahoney · 17/10/2025 23:16

Veganornotvegan · 17/10/2025 22:05

I totally appreciate there’s lots of options. As I mentioned above, I’m a pretty good amateur cook, especially known for my roasts, and have hosted Christmas dinner several times. I think my other guests will still be expecting what they usually get.

For this number of people I would typically cook;

3 meats (turkey, gammon, beef)
roasts potatoes (in duck fat)
mash potatoes (with butter)
pigs in blankets
red cabbage
honey roast carrots and parsnips
sprouts (cooked with pancetta and chestnuts)
mashed swede (with butter)
cauliflower cheese
Yorkshire puddings
stuffing (not vegan)
gravy with meat juices

it’s only now I’m listing it out I’ve realised how much of my Christmas dinner isn’t vegan! I will accommodate my MIL, but I probably need to speak with her to understand exactly what she’s expecting / hoping for in terms of the side dishes so she’s not disappointed. I’d rather do something separate for her, instead of change my whole menu (and what the other guests are expecting) just for her.

Show quote history

This is in no way helpful to your post, but have you got room for one more?! I'm definitely not vegan!

I would just get her an M&S or Waitrose plant based roast ready meal though, you're going to have enough to do!!

Ella31 · 17/10/2025 23:15

Any chance she's doing it for health reasons, op? It seems so extreme after all this time. Could you put a small amount aside and roast them separately. Also do you have an airfryer. That could help with the roasties- potatoes ect.

By the way your dinner sounds divine. 😋

saraclara · 17/10/2025 23:14

Christmas Vegan Dinner For 2 COOK share.google/uKAbvVdQPI0dSEtkE

Lunde · 17/10/2025 23:13

I made some veggie/vegan pigs in blankets last year with vegan sausage wrapped in that weird vegan bacon

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 17/10/2025 23:11

LillyPJ · 17/10/2025 22:56

Ah! Maybe that's why it's not good gravy. (I'm not saying vegan food isn't good, but it's the meat juices that give gravy its flavour.)

Show quote history

I agree, but a really good onion gravy is decent and can be made ahead of time.

Lunde · 17/10/2025 23:10

Buy or make something that you can pull out the freezer - I have done a "nut roast" from a recipe that someone posted years ago which is basically a sauteed onion, plus a box of stuffing mix, blitzed mixed nuts and optional cranberries

But vegan gravy granules

Are their vegan Aunt Bessie potatoes?

ComfortFoodCafe · 17/10/2025 23:07

I can just picture Pamela from Gavin & Stacey. 😂

Izzy24 · 17/10/2025 23:06

Greenwitchart · 17/10/2025 21:24

It really is not that hard to plan a vegan meal these days.

All supermarkets have a good selection of vegan products now. Just get her a vegan roast and she can have with vegetables.

It I ludicrous to expect a guest to bring their own food to a Christmas meal.

I’m coeliac. I don’t expect anyone to cater for me and just take my own food. It’s really not difficult!

HangingOver · 17/10/2025 23:06

YANBU I'm a vegan and I hate people like this

mamagogo1 · 17/10/2025 23:05

Christmas pudding is often vegan too, Tesco have them (and they are the cheaper ones £

Fifthtimelucky · 17/10/2025 23:05

At Christmas I cater for two vegetarians and one vegan.

The first year I did two separate lots of roast potatoes - one in duck fat and one in olive oil. That was too much faff and took up too much room in the oven, so now we all have them roasted in olive oil. They still taste great.

Instead of roasting parsnips with honey, try maple syrup.

Cook sells very good vegan gravy. It comes frozen. You just microwave it for a couple of minutes and pour it into a jug. Obviously you make normal meaty gravy for the rest of you.

I usually make a Wellington for the non meat-eaters, using ready made puff pastry and a filling that includes mushrooms and chestnuts. I make it up the day before and then it goes into the oven for half an hour or so, by which time the turkey has come out. If you don’t want to make your own, Cook does a very good vegan mushroom Wellington.

I have 3 non-meat eaters to cater for out of 9, so it’s not just one person, and the vegan is my daughter. I But I do think that expecting a guest to bring her own food for Christmas dinner is not exactly welcoming!

mamagogo1 · 17/10/2025 23:03

I think it’s reasonable to make her vegetarian food but doesn’t need to be from scratch (use frozen roast potatoes, skip the parsnips, give her a frozen vegan wellington and most regular gravy granules are vegan, we have the Lidl gravy, add a spoon of dried sage and spoon of cranberry sauce to pimp it up.

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/10/2025 23:03

seaelephant · 17/10/2025 22:44

I have a family member exactly like this. Vegan, and don't you ever forget it, but the second you turn your back she's truffling her way into a bar of chocolate.

We cater for her because it's easy and not worth the argument.

"...truffling her way into a bar of chocolate"

What a wonderful description! I am totally nicking this! It gives such a fantastic image, 10/10 go to the top of the class!

99bottlesofkombucha · 17/10/2025 23:02

Tell us more about special Christmas cocktails op :)

NoBinturongsHereMate · 17/10/2025 23:02

Octavia64 · 17/10/2025 21:34

I’m (mostly) vegan.

(I’m actually a lactose intolerant veggie)

most vegans will not expect you to use separate spoons etc. honey is also somewhat debatable.

personally I’d provide a main, check about the honey and ideally provide a side that fits her requirements.

i have in the past taken a whole three courses of vegan food to a dinner party because I wanted to go and the host was a nice bloke who could basically only cook one thing but I do think you could manage a main.

The majority of vegans, and vegetarians, would definitely want separate spoons, roasting trays etc.

N0Tfunny · 17/10/2025 23:02

Cook one small separate oven tray with roast potatoes in olive oil , add in carrots and parsnips. Same with Brussels sprouts if you normally add bacon or any other vegetables like red cabbage. Buy a small vegan nut roast, packet of vegan gravy and ready made vegan single portion Christmas pudding.

You don’t need to have a separate identical vegan version of every single item on your menu. I say this as a person who is gluten free ( it’s a medical condition not a lifestyle choice ) .Id just hope for an approximation of a GF Christmas dinner , not an identical replica.

PrincessFairyWren · 17/10/2025 22:59

Another perspective is that if you don’t try to accomodate her dietary needs then in the future if you, your kids or their partners etc have dietary requirements then the extended family may not be as accomodating either.

Sounds like you find your MIL annoying and all families have members who push our buttons but I’d be careful of what precedent you are setting.

Pilfer · 17/10/2025 22:59

I’m sure someone else has already said this, but I’m definitely picturing your MIL as Pam from Gavin and Stacey!

saraclara · 17/10/2025 22:57

Vegan wellington
A few roasties in a separate pan in oil.
Before mashing, take out a few potatoes and mash then separately
Pack of microwave steam veg
Frozen stuffing balls
Bisto veg gravy

LillyPJ · 17/10/2025 22:56

sweetpickle2 · 17/10/2025 22:51

Bisto is vegan.

Show quote history

Ah! Maybe that's why it's not good gravy. (I'm not saying vegan food isn't good, but it's the meat juices that give gravy its flavour.)

secureyourbook · 17/10/2025 22:53

Ah…somebody beat me to it 🤦‍♀️

I have a friend who claims to be vegan, we’ve gone to the trouble of getting vegan birthday cakes, finding restaurants with good vegan options etc then found out she eats chicken when she fancies it.

However, it sounds like your MIL is trying. I wouldn’t be attempting to cook a vegan meal but I’d probably get her something decent from M&S if I was hosting.

sweetpickle2 · 17/10/2025 22:51

Neodymium · 17/10/2025 22:49

My dsd is vegan, I get a veggie nut roast. Have a small separate pan which I cook it in with the potatoes and carrots together using oil. It’s not that hard, the potatoes have to be peeled anyway. I buy a ready made vegan dessert. Bread rolls are vegan. And then I usually get some salads too and I make sure at least 1 is vegan. I don’t do vegan gravy or anything, I’m not even sure if that is a thing?

Bisto is vegan.

Neodymium · 17/10/2025 22:49

My dsd is vegan, I get a veggie nut roast. Have a small separate pan which I cook it in with the potatoes and carrots together using oil. It’s not that hard, the potatoes have to be peeled anyway. I buy a ready made vegan dessert. Bread rolls are vegan. And then I usually get some salads too and I make sure at least 1 is vegan. I don’t do vegan gravy or anything, I’m not even sure if that is a thing?

lazyarse123 · 17/10/2025 22:49

Iwanttoliveinagardencentre · 17/10/2025 22:39

You have decided she isn’t a good enough vegan so you are not going to cater for her.

This is really not nice behaviour, especially to a guest at christmas.

I would call it passive aggressive but actually it is more overt aggression than that.

Having the occasional vegetarian option is not the same as expecting her to eat duck fat.

You are clearly have your own agenda here be it a dislike of her or of vegans or both.

You make yourself look a bit daft when you don't read the ops updates.

secureyourbook · 17/10/2025 22:48

“You’re eating ham Pam!” 😂