To feel a bit weird about the casual use of spoon theory

Op, I dont think its about the spoon theory at all. You mentioned how tired you are from your disability, I'd imagine at times when you are feeling low and your condition isn't publicised as you said, it can feel quite dismissive when this phrase is thrown around.

Your job should be acknowledging your condition as you said and I'm sorry you haven't had a good week, I hope you can rest this weekend and next week is better for you

What do you mean? Are we are foisting this twee metaphor on disabled people? Can't they be afforded the dignity of using common English to explain how they feel without being asked to play this spoony game?

Sadly, yes. I keep my difficulties to myself because no one cares, they are too wrapped up in their own problems.

Employers and organisations need to bring the focus back to material difficulties and not try and deal with subjective ones. Discrimination, health and safety should be the priorities.

You have no idea who is using it 'inappropriately' given that hidden disabilities are hidden.

It’s only cringe if it’s used by people who don’t have hidden disabilities. I.e. people just saying “oh I don’t have enough spoons today”.

Used in the proper way, in disability training for example, it’s pretty useful. I’ve seen it used in training and helped me to visualise what someone with a hidden disability is facing.

I can see people using it inappropriately though and why that makes the OP feel weird.

Additionally I think increased social media trumpeting of self diagnosed “struggles” from attention seeking types means people are generally more impatient and less sympathetic than they used to be to genuine cases, which is sad but understandable.

I have several friends who use “spoons” theory. I inwardly roll my eyes and hope the conversation moves on quickly whenever they refer to it. I do hope it doesn’t become mainstream. It feels very twee and attention seeking to me.

The reality is that people don’t really care that much about what it is like to be disabled or mentally ill or an insomniac or someone with cancer or someone with other conditions because they are preoccupied with their own lives and their own problems. Once you accept that, I think it makes things easier.

You can't copyright an idea or a concept. You can copyright the expression of an idea - the actual text - but you can't own a thought. Anyone can say, "how many spoons do you have?" without paying royalties.

It has obviously hit a nerve with you OP, I wonder why. Maybe because you find working life extremely hard compared to your colleague? Because you feel misunderstood most of the time?

They don't but Christine Miseeandino will own the copyright to it as she wrote it as a way to explain how everyday tasks take longer and use more energy for her as a person with a chronic illness.

It is a way of explaining energy levels and can be adapted to any group.

I understand it but don't use it as my friends and family don't get it. Fatigue from chronic illness affects everyone differently but the best description I found was imagine living with permanent jet lag .

My daughter has an official disability/condition and taught me spoon theory. She has no children, gets a cleaner funded, meal delivery funded, among other things. This does make her life a lot easier.

It's a genetic condition and she got it from me. I've had to manage it all my life without a diagnosis, struggled with it, dealt with the exhaustion. Never been free to acknowledge it and adapt to it. I have children, I do my own cleaning, make my own meals, and more besides.

Officially I don't have a disability (I think of it more as limitations which are sometimes more or less rather than disability), but I feel I can relate to spoon theory and don't think anyone should tell me I can't use it. (I actually don't, I get on with it). I believe everyone knows their own bodies, there are plenty of people with health issues that fly under the radar of being diagnosed too, so spoon theory should be used by whoever finds it helpful. It might also help people understand the concept that some people have more or less spoons to start their day and help disabled people with more understanding too.

The spoon analogy works really well for my kids. They’re autistic, so can get overwhelmed easily, but often don’t have the language for it. Thinking about spoons is a neutral, non-judgmental way to check in with themselves. It also helps us pace our visits into town, to reduce the likelihood of meltdowns.

I think spoon theory is a good thing for everyone. It's a good way for people to realise they have limited energy to spend and pace themselves rather than running themselves ragged fitting it all in. We should strive for balance, which can be hard in this day and age, so spoon theory helps people achieve that and not feel guilty about it. I don't think it should be limited to one group.

I do feel that people with conditions like fibromyalgia and ME feel like they have the monopoly on "fatigue". And they seem to talk about it and post about it a lot, and this "turn off" people with fatigue for any other reasons. I always see it argued on here from those particular groups "but you can't possibly have proper fatigue. My fatigue is unique and specialised (insert lots of superfluous descriptors" which makes a mockery of the very point that nobody validates their fatigue whilst constantly invalidating and mocking other people's very real fatigue caused by life or other conditions.

Of course you don’t escape other problems but there are a lot of disabled people who have better lives than a lot of non disabled people.

This is why its so wanky. Its a really poor analogy. Its not a 'theory'. It simply an analogy up its own arse. And a senseless one at that as people have pointed out

Also disabled people do not have the monopoly on descriptors of any sort as someone said above.

I've heard of it and am aware of it.

Unfortunately I think it can rub people up the wrong way. I'll be really blunt. It comes across like this :

Example from person with say fibromyalgia: "I've only got 3 spoons left. Read about my spoons. I'm so tired and fatigued. You don't understand. I've only got out of bed and driven to work. You need to make allowances for me. You need to understand. Read about my spoons and accomodate me"

(Person who's got 3 kids, works full time, secretly suffering with depression, got Ill parents, worried about finances, doesn't feel like getting out of bed in the morning, tells nobody of their struggles and keeps it all inside and paints on the smile whilst aching to go to bed for 12,hours ) Thinks: "you want me to be barraged and bollocked for not understanding how your spoons are depleted !"

Sorry for bluntness (none of the people in those examples are me !) but giving an honest answer on how I think these theories can come across in practice.

I'm struggling to see the advantages of this theory and why kids are discussing spoons this way. Sounds like they are heading for the crack den and need to evaluate who can bring the most spoons.

I get it, too, OP.

I had 622 on Wednesday but by Thursday was down to 419

This. Had a friend who got ‘diagnosed’ with something. Literally made a social media profile about spoons and talked exclusively in that language. Got divorced, got over her depression (miraculously recovered) and never spoke of Spoons again. Its a stupid analogy

Someone with SLE was in a restaurant trying to explain to a friend how difficult it can be to manage chronic illness and fatigue. She grabbed all the spoons to use as a visual aid. A couple of decades ago it was used a fair bit by people in the same boat but it's spread a lot further.

I don't really understand her question - how could anyone respond to it other than with a half-jokey 'not many!' or 'this cutlery drawer is empty!' or similar? It's not like there is a factual answer - you can't meaningfully say 'four'. What was she hoping to get out of asking?

It’s so bizarre has this has been latched onto. There’s no such thing as ‘spoon theory’ it’s literally just a metaphor for energy. You are being ridiculous, no-one has a monopoly over how their energy is described