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Original poster

Was male colleague cocky?

39 replies

DocMcMuffin · 17/10/2025 18:30

I was running a huge event at work this week. Lots of VIP guests and months of planning went into it. I was the most senior person there and was responsible for the whole thing running smoothly.

A male colleague (several grades lower if that matters) was assisting and I asked him to help set up some of the work. He took me by the shoulders, turned me around, and said, ‘Calm down your being really scatty’. It was said in a really patronising way and I just burst into tears because I was under so much pressure. My other female colleague saw it and told him he’d spoken inappropriately to me and later on he came over and gave me a fist bump (we are both adults in a professional workplace Confused ) and said ‘friends?’ as though I was the one who’d done something wrong, he didn’t say sorry or show any concern that he’d made me cry.

Am I overreacting to think he behaved really unprofessionally?

OP posts:
QPZM · 17/10/2025 18:42

What made him say it in the first place?

I feel like there's part of the story missing so for now, all I can say is he was being very unreasonable to have manhandled you.

That's not on.

FKAT · 17/10/2025 18:42

A lot wrong with this scenario.

The guy is a dick for a start. Nobody should be grabbing their colleagues and insulting them in any context never mind at an important VIP event.

No one person should be entirely responsible for the smooth running of an important event for stakeholders and VIPs. And there definitely shouldn't be just one senior person there - where were your peers and whoever you report into? It sounds an absolutely stressful and toxic situation.

This might be why you were so stressed you cried.

BreakingBroken · 17/10/2025 18:40

So stressed a simple comment had you burst into tears? You needed the reminder to calm down/refocus.

cromwell44 · 17/10/2025 18:36

You must have been very stressed to let a junior colleague push your buttons like that. I’m sure you would have normally just said I’m not scatty but I’d like you to do the task I’ve asked you to do, please .He doesn’t need to apologise, you need to have a frank conversation with him to inform him what is an appropriate way to speak to a colleague and that he needs to learn to be cooperative and supportive to the team especially when the stakes are high.

DDivaStar · 17/10/2025 18:36

Well one comrnt made you burst into tears so clearly you were not handling thecpressure well.

It might not be his place to do it but it he could have been just letting you know the pressure was showing.

MumoftwoNC · 17/10/2025 18:36

Bernadinetta · 17/10/2025 18:35

Yes, because telling a stressed out person to calm down is a well known way to help them calm down….

Show quote history

I agree he was deliberately goading her. Still, best to try to move on from it imo

Thepeopleversuswork · 17/10/2025 18:35

It was an overreach and unprofessional. He was belittling you.

There’s no merit in turning it into an issue though; hard to prove intent and it will draw attention to the fact you are rattled, which is what he wants.

Let it go but mark his card and remember he is not a friend. He’s after your job.

MaggieBsBoat · 17/10/2025 18:35

Well you burst into tears that was unprofessional. He shouldn’t have touched you if you don’t have that kind of working relationship. Very odd if you are the senior. Bad environment. Which clearly you need to deal with as the lead person.

Bernadinetta · 17/10/2025 18:35

Dacatspjs · 17/10/2025 18:32

I mean if you were close to tears he was probably not in the wrong to tell you to calm down...

The fist bump is odd. But I don't think he should be the one to apologise here

Yes, because telling a stressed out person to calm down is a well known way to help them calm down….

MumoftwoNC · 17/10/2025 18:35

He was very tactless but there's not much you can do about it without over-escalating and prompting scrutiny of how you (mis?)handled the event. If all had gone well there wouldn't have been any last minute rushing around - obviously this might not have been your fault, but still.

If I were you I'd try to forget it, but keep this man at a distance from now on.

GabriellaMontez · 17/10/2025 18:34

I think he needs to keep his hands to himself.

LordEmsworth · 17/10/2025 18:33

Well, thinking something is unlikely to be an over reaction, so probably not.

Crying probably was. Telling him to fuck off wouldn't have been.

pilates · 17/10/2025 18:33

Yes he did act unprofessionally and he was rude.

Poor you having to work with such a twat.

Dacatspjs · 17/10/2025 18:32

I mean if you were close to tears he was probably not in the wrong to tell you to calm down...

The fist bump is odd. But I don't think he should be the one to apologise here

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