We’ve lived in a lovely village for the past 15 years. It was my absolute dream to live here, and it hasn’t disappointed me. It’s not only beautiful, but has a real sense of community – everyone is so friendly, pops in and out whenever, and we all pull together, especially in times of need or a crisis. One of my neighbours hadn’t had a holiday in years because she was struggling with care for her elderly mother; we put together a rota to look after her so my neighbour could finally have a few days’ break. It’s just that kind of place.
Houses here are very sought-after and hardly ever come up for sale, because nobody ever wants to leave. However, one set of our neighbours sold up earlier this year because they wanted to downsize and move closer to their grandchildren. We were very sad to see them go, but at the same time, were looking forward to making the new people welcome, and seeing a family enjoying a wonderful home.
Things could not have worked out more differently. The new people just do not want to know, at all. It’s like they’re almost offended by our attempts to interact and bring them into the community; or at least a bit bewildered by it all. Nothing we do seems to do any good. They don’t seem to understand that they’re part of a community, and one that other people would love to be part of.
I went over to chat as soon as I saw them moving in. They were polite enough, but certainly not forthcoming. You could tell they were itching to get inside. I put it down to them being busy and stressed with the moving and thought I’d try again another time, or that maybe they’d pop over themselves the next day.
I knocked again a couple of days later. The wife answered and was perfectly polite again, but she seemed to be a bit bemused as to why I was there. I said I just wanted to welcome them properly now they were in; she said “Oh, thank you; that’s very kind”, but it became obvious I wasn’t going to be invited in. I felt awkward, so said I had to get on, but that if she’d give me her number I’d add her to the village WhatsApp. She seemed a bit taken aback; she thanked me, but said they didn’t really “go in for” big chat groups. I told her how useful it was and that that’s where we share all the important local information, and she actually said “Oh well, I’m sure we’ll hear about it if it’s important”. I was really shocked; it just felt so brusque when I was trying to make her feel welcome.
I’ve tried a couple of times with her husband, and he’s the same - polite enough, but not at all forthcoming. He’ll respond if you say hello, but makes zero effort. I thought our kids might get to know each other, as they’re similar ages, but we hardly see them, and she drives them off to private school every morning (even though the school is one of the big draws here).
I wondered if it was just me they didn’t like, but my friends and neighbours have all said the same thing - never actively rude, but zero effort or engagement. The owner of the village shop said she’s been in a couple of times, but an Ocado van arrived the day after they moved in, and they’ve never even been seen in the village pub or our local cafe - so it seems they’re not even going to support local businesses.
I know people can buy houses wherever they want to, but I’m just completely confused as to why they’d move to a lovely village with a real reputation for community when they seem to want nothing to do with it. They could have bought a new build in any anonymous town or city if they wanted to stay in their own little world, never talking to anyone, never being part of our community. So why, why did they have to pick here? It’s so rare for a house to come up here; it could have gone to a lovely family who actually wanted to part of things. They must have paid tens or even hundreds of thousands more to live here than some bland new build estate. Why?!
I honestly feel a bit gutted. I know it sounds a bit much, but I’ve loved every minute of being in a street and a community where everyone knows and cares about everyone. I don’t want neighbours who barely nod at me. I think of the wonderful street parties we had for the jubilee and the coronation - now if we have anything like that, it will be painfully obvious that one house is studiously ignoring it all. They might even object to it.
Is there anything we can do to engage these people? Have we done something awful by just trying to be welcoming and involving them in the community? Or do I have to just sit it out hoping they’ll decide they don’t want to be here and will sell up?