My husband said he isn't happy

Saying he is unhappy does not mean he wants out. Things need to change but from him too. Not dealing with the child before his alarm or after 8 what the fuck is that shit? Sorry mate, news just in … it’s your child too.
See what he says but he also needs to recognise his failings not just what he thinks are yours.
I would be concerned he’s going on a stag do telling himself he wasn’t happy anyway , but don’t put up with shitty behaviour where he blames you. Yes ocd probably makes it difficult but relationships are hard and it’s not easy all the time.
look after yourself but don’t roll over and accept it’s all your fault because it’s not.

I'm on the fence having lived with my DH, who had MH struggles. It can be tough going. There might have been a level of PND and it can get worse with each pregnancy. He's telling you that he doesn't want more children. He could be ripe for an affair, time will tell. But he's done it when you have space to think through what you want. Could you be happy with just one child? Are you really working on your OCD? What were the agreements re night feeds etc pre pregnancy? You have a one year old, have OCD, yet wanted to start trying for baby number 2? It doesn't sound as though you are in touch with the reality of your situation and possible outcomes if another pregnancy tbh.

I’m very sorry, @Lottie585 but this wouldn’t upset me - it would infuriate me.

And I’d probably text him and say something foolish so I’m really glad I’m not you.

That’s such a low down, dirty rotten thing to do your wife whom you know has been struggling and will pull at this like a loose thread on a sweater.

Does he know about us? I’m thinking he doesn’t.
I hope you insist he reads every single reply on this thread - the bastard.

I wouldn’t worry too much about somebody who waltzes out the door to attend a stag weekend.

He couldn’t be THAT unhappy.

Try and remember that truly unhappy people fret and wring their hands and moan and carry on.
They don’t go sailing out the door for a weekend with the guys - no matter if they’re the best man.

I think you’re a little more important.
And I’m sending love from faraway ❤️

edited to add: What’s his number? I’ll call him. In fact, we’ll ALL call him. lol

Sounds about right

I’m sorry you’re having a crap weekend OP ..
That’s not something he should have said when he was heading out door for weekend , very unfair & thoughtless of him …
To say it has been the most miserable year of his life after his baby son being born is awful 😔..
You two need to talk when he gets back ..
i hope everything works out ok for you OP x

Telling her he is unhappy just as he is walking out of the door in his way to a stag do certainly points in the direction that he is thinking he might end up cheating

Oh for god sake. @Lottie585 ignore this shit.

Telling you he’s unhappy does not make him a cheat, it makes him unhappy.

I would let him know that dropping this on you and then going on a stag do just sounds like he was planning to cheat on you and came up with what he thinks is his get out if jail free card.

If he has been unhappy this year Boo fkin Hoo.
If he cared to look beyond his navel he might have realised what a tough time you had been going through

Maybe it’s time to call an end to this marriage as you don’t want to me married to a cheating scum bag who throws a grenade into your life then walks off.

Only discussion you are having next week is with a divorce lawyer

Personally I would be thinking 2 can play throw the grenade game. See how much he enjoys his weekend away when he knows that you know what he plans to get up to and what the results will be

Having a baby upsets most relationships, you’re both sleep deprived and yes you’re both not being great to each other, because you’re exhausted and stressed. Sometimes these things come out at the worst time, ie maybe it came out because he was going away but it wasn’t fair of him.

I’m sorry it’s been a difficult time.

I disagree, I don’t think he is necessarily going to cheat etc. I do think it wasn’t great to say before he left for the weekend. I would find that hard and painful. Especially as you are looking after the baby alone for the weekend, that’s nice of you!

I think make sure you consider yourself, what you need, what you expect from him. Then when he gets back honestly discuss. See if you can put a plan in place. Time together (a babysitter?), therapy, etc what is needed.

I agree he needs to take responsibility, it’s not a problem for you to fix alone.

Do you have someone who could come and spend the weekend with you, also take your mind off it until he’s back a bit? I know I would really appreciate that.

Finally are you connected with supportive things related to being a mum? In our area there are various free (public or volunteer run groups) and private (mothers circles etc) some have funding and don’t charge much/ are almost free. Sending hugs and best wishes

Oh come on. Have you read the OPs posts? He gets annoyed if she asks him for help during the night and he ignores her mental health issues. It’s not blanket men bashing it’s bashing a guy who on paper sounds like a prick.

It’s the timing of his comment which has raised hackles here @Secretsandlies222

I agree with the PP who referred to the typical man bashing here. The OP has spoken about her OCD yet there is zero interest in the impact that it may have had on the husband and therefore the marriage . As always. a man expressing being unhappy, despite there being a potentially understandable reason is met with a chorus of ‘’he just wants an excuse to cheat’. No wonder men are often reluctant to discuss their mental health.
I get that it’s the OP who is seeking support here and not the husband.
But this fixed narrative of cynicism and mistrust against men is not going to help resolve this issue at all. How dare he be unhappy when he has a child. Really?? So OP,, reject the biased lens that is so predictable here and actually begin to open your mind, using this time to reflect on your marriage in a transparent and empathetic way. I truly hope you can resolve this between you .

I'd be away for a few days and let him arrive back to an empty house. If he messages you then just say you're disgusted with him and are taking time out to decide what you want. He's a colossal prick.

My gut is telling me that he's having the time of his life on this weekend getaway. Strippers, clubbing, just low life behavior from a married man with a child.

Honestly, I would take baby and leave and let him know you are going down lines for divorce. Cheating is vile and he is doing just that is what my woman's' intuition is telling me.

This is mn so people will automatically blame him, we only know your version, we do not know who is the wrong and no I am not going to mention affairs, or blame either of you, maybe he wanted to tell ypu before he went away to you both space to think about things

I wont jump on the poor innocent you he is terrible to do thia to you endless bandwagon you mention old how do you think ypu are like to live with having that

He may be trying or he may be the cliched man people on froth about to blame the second a man in mentioned

All ypu can both do is talk, there was no rigjt time to bring this up it had to happen sometime

If he never mentioned it and just left he wpuld be blamed he mentions ot he is blamed, no matter what he does for some on here it is wrong, he is man that exists he is wrong we dont know what he is going through neither do you till you both communicate more

Sounds to me like he’s soft launching an affair. Dropping his excuses early.

I agree with most of this.

His timing is off- he should not drop this on you just before he leaves for a weekend away, leaving you in limbo. It’s unkind. He should have waited until you could sit down and discuss how he feels and where you go from here. And when you do discuss it, i think you need to let him know this was unfair.

That said, he clearly is unhappy (and unlike a previous poster, i don’t think that means he hates his child or OP), and I think it is potentially telling that you have not noticed and were thinking you were going to plan baby 2. Of course, some people are excellent at masking their feelings, and I’m assuming he is telling the truth that this is not a very recent change, but most partners would have sensed some degree of dissatisfaction. Have you been unkind to each other? If you are honest with yourself been getting on well, or more like housemates who tolerate each other?

In my experience oIf an ex-partner with mental health problems- and this is in no way meant to make you feel guilty or lay all the blame at your door, as relationship issues are very rarely solely due to one partners behaviour- this did make him quite self-centred and sometimes he did not seem very aware of how he behaved/the impact it had on me. For example, he could be irritable and snappy, but did not always seem to even realise that he had been and would then get annoyed when I reacted or withdrew. And when he did acknowledge he had done or said something unreasonable, the mental health issue would be trotted out in an “and that means I can’t help it/ it’s not my fault/ you can’t blame me/ it’s my illness etc and used to keep everything in his comfort zone. I am not saying it was deliberate, for the most part I don’t think it was and was more of an unconscious strategy for him to be more comfortable/a way for him to feel more settled.

You’ve no idea whether or not he’s bothered 🙄

I'd be away for a few days and let him arrive back to an empty house. If he messages you then just say you're disgusted with him and are taking time out to decide what you want. He's a colossal prick.

I really really feel for you op. I got really unwell after my first child was born and ended up in a mental health facility due to believing something bad would happen to my baby. It sounds like you’re doing some incredible work on yourself and your OCD so congratulations for taking that step.

i agree with previous posters that dropping that bomb on you then going off on a stag do/lads weekend is beyond cruel and cowardly. I’d be asking him why he thought the best time to tell you that was just before he went away. Is he just a coward or does he think that means he can get up to god knows what while he’s away?

either way he sounds like he’s not thinking of you or your little one.
It must be really hard at the minute but just focus on yourself and your baby for now and try and have a think on what you want to say to him when he gets back.
sending you a big hug xx

Yeah, I'm not interested in any comment you make, there's no need to chastise me on multiple threads. Not 'batshit', but correct.
The man could and should have been striving to make himself excel in every way, and hasn't bothered.

He said it's been really difficult, we've been unkind to each other and it's not how he wanted life to be.

It sounds as though you have been quite difficult to live with and probably have been unkind.
He has probably also said some unkind things to you and he probably has found it very difficult.

The trouble is with MH, the person going through it doesn’t realise the impact it has on the other person.

I would rather my partner felt he could be honest and open with me than resent me.

I’d text him telling him to have a great time and that you’re glad he told you how he felt and that you’ll talk about it properly next week.

When he’s home (and recovered) then arrange a time to both sit down and talk it all through.
If neither of you are very good at communicating, then perhaps look into couples counselling to have that middle person.

Enriching his knowledge about feminism?

What an absolutely batshit response. The man didn’t announce he hated having a child - why are you extrapolating wildly from what OP actually said to suit your own agenda?

Why even bother commenting when you have absolutely no advice of any use or value to give? It’s not an opportunity to jump on your soapbox. There’s a child involved who needs two parents to act maturely in their best interests.