Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

DS is only 3 and you've already been on 8 holidays. That seems quite a lot to me.

When mine were that age our expectations were far lower.

It sounds like it just isn’t the right kind of holiday for you all at the moment. I’d be tempted to go home and have time off together at home where you will be comfortable and have all your stuff.
Do something more suitable another time. Although holidays with little ones just aren’t fun in my experience. There can be nice moments but over all it’s bloody hard work.

Do you have a balcony? Can you feed the kiddies early, get them into bed then take it in turns to collect food and a glass of wine for you both to eat on the balcony when they’re sleeping?
We did that very successfully a couple of times, hotel were fine with it.

I have an adhd’er and I would say if you have got a runner…. let him run! Don’t fight it, go with it. Find a long beach, wood or park and run run run. Despite what others will say “it will wear him out”, honestly it probably won’t (it didn’t for mine anyway), but at least it’s a few hours where you are letting him be and not fighting against it.

Sending solidarity and I really hope you can get a little bit of respite, albeit not quite as much as you hoped.

Day 2 and your 3yr old has already been dumped into childcare.. poor soul.

Invest in him, play with him, go to the beach or pool or whatever. Let go of the routine.

All inclusive, if that's what it is, is a nightmare with kids and adults never sit to eat together as one or both is up and down to the buffet all the time. I wouldn't do it.

I have to say though, any time we go on holiday it does just take the kids a couple of days to settle.

Hats off to you op i couldnt do at 45 with a 3 year old and a baby.
Im 39 in December i get worn out with just life i need a holiday to get back to life.

Our toddler is brilliant on holidays but I always come away wondering why we bother. Small children seem to thrive on routine and I'm sure ours would rather stay at home and attend our local parks.

God even with relatively calm girls I remember "holidays" when they were little being such hard work and the opposite of a relaxing break.
I found it helped to abandon the idea of a relaxing break completely.
The best times were when grandparents could look after them.
OP, you have my sympathy

Sorry I haven’t read all the other replies.
I have been where you are right now. I feel your pain and I know it’s tough. Hang in there.

My children exact same ages and trying to go on holiday ‘for a break’ is a trial. Mine are now nearly 21 and 18 and were runners. Which is of course stressful when they have no common sense in a foreign holiday hotel.

First of all you need to lower your expectations. A lot. I realise you have holidayed 8 times already but 3-4 is still very very young even for a neurotypical child. He has no common sense at this age.
He is out of his natural environment and therefore out of sorts and routine which always throws everything off. It used to take my kids at least 3 days to re acclimatise into a new routine.

If he is neurodiverse this will be much more prominent. Perhaps more hypersensitive too. His high energy may well mask a bit of anxiety and he will be overwhelmed and not ‘hearing’ and too distracted by all the new things to listen. Plus probably tired and wired.

My GP and the book Taming Toddlers had good advice. Take them outside and find a field and let them just run. You are much less likely to murder them outside! ( obviously that last sentence is a joke from the book!) but it did bring some acceptance and humour into it. The sooner you get to accept it for what it is and the age and stage he is at, the lest stressed you will feel. It’s also stressful being out of your environment for you. Where you have a routine and predictability and this is second baby on top. It’s not going to be anything but chaos initially. And that’s ok.

On one similar holiday mine had tonsillitis in the week which turned into a full on vomiting bacterial infection of the lymph nodes. Would he take the antibiotics? Of course not! We were warned that a hospital stay with an antibiotic drip was next step if we couldn’t get it in him. I’m pretty sure the other hotel guests thought we were trying to murder our son. When we were just trying to give him important medicine. It was so stressful. I ended up cleaning sheets all week and then ended up with the bug myself on the last day as we had the ordeal of packing it all back up. This is holidaying with toddlers . It’s not always pretty. It does get better!! I promise!

So, so far , they are not sick, everyone is still in one piece. You need to tire him out which means letting him just run about freely in the morning as the exercise will calm his nervous system. Find a large area away from people if you can. Try and stick to a routine bedtime as best you can and keep to regular meal times. A good bedtime wind down to get as much sleep as he can- and you guys sit on balcony in the evening with a glass of wine.

You need to take turns as parents to get yourselves calm when it feels overwhelming. So, try and just give each other even a 10 minute break just to lie down calmly and breath. The calmer your responses to your DS the more likely he can start to regulate himself. This isn’t going to happen overnight. But sounds like you are doing this.
It’s tough because you yourself don’t feel calm. And of course you are forgiven for that. But keep going and just grab those moments when you can and find some reasons to be grateful.

Say fuck it to every other bit of judgement. You will never see those people again. They are probably more sympathetic than you think but of course your brain will assume they are not.

You have 10 more days. Trust there will be ups and downs. It’s like waves and you have to just ride them. You can do it!! See it as an experience not a quest for perfection. Keep your humour. Step back once in a while and see the funny side.

Agree that you probably need to adjust your expectations, it does sound so stressful and you're not getting any benefit of her break.

One thing I find really helped with my daughter and actually still does is going out in the morning, having a sleep on the afternoon, and going out in the evening. You need to somehow turn it into a family holiday instead of shoehorning young children into an adult holiday. It sounds like he's got a lot of energy to burn!

I was getting ready to say UABU but that sounds horrific.

I don’t think it’s impossible but I think everyone has to limit their expectations. I’d go three nights max with a baby and 5-7 max with an under 4 as it’s possible to have a lovely time and make memories but bloody knackering.

Id also sack off going abroad at this age unless self catering where you can avoid the whole breakfast/dinner drama. Go at a reasonable good weather time of year to a U.K. beach resort town and just take kids to the beach every day to tire older one out.

We go to the IOW a lot because it feels like you are going abroad taking the car ferry. Lots of good beaches, kids love the arcades, fairground rides etc

You do have a bit of a DH prob tbh. He needs to pack his own luggage from now on or go without. That will give you more headspace to think of things to bring that might keep DS engaged so you can have a meal etc Have you tried things like fidget spinners or other toys he can put his energy into. Those magnetic shapes seem popular with boys.

When you are no longer on holiday and are both calm have a serious conversation about DHs reaction to DS s behaviour. If he finds it stressful and embarrassing he needs to take more responsibility for learning about ADHD and how to help DS regulate himself. There are some useful free courses run through Family Hubs on parenting kids with additional needs. He can’t just leave it up to you.

We had some nice holidays with one child. We had a runner too (turned out to have adhd) Once we had two we honestly had to wait. Well actually we tried a uk break when the little one was about 11 months and eldest was 4 so same as you, and came back after one night. I ended up drinking the calpol at 1 am on our first night as I had a such a bad headache from the stressful day and had no other painkillers, we all woke up at 6 am, nothing was open and so we packed and drove home.
We then waited about 3 years before attempting a proper holiday. It just felt too stressful.
I now am so fussy about rooms, room locations and size, type of activities available etc. Ours also refuse to go in kids clubs
So yeah, holidays are definitely not relaxing. And full of danger with water and the sea. If you have very active kids who run its very, very stressful.
I would take it very easy, spend time in the room chilling watching tv, see if you can find indoor softplay and cinema. Take it in turns to have the kids and swap them over. Make it as easy as possible.

Haven’t read all posts of advice but 2 year ago we had a veryyyyy similar “holiday” and I completely empathise. We would have paid a lot of money for a flight home if we were given the option on day 2/3. Our child has recently been diagnosed autism and adhd and this year we forgo the all inclusive and went to a self catering and oh my word the difference was crazy, looking back the noise and intensity of the restaurants and people was too much. But that’s for next time to consider not now. Now my advice is
-skip kids club or take turns with one of u at door / outside if you must.
-each morning lift bowls/ bags boxes of cereal , bread, croissants whatever he can eat and bring back to room for back up dinner / supper for your child.
-try to speak to a staff member to” book” your sons food for certain time and go collect it and eat in room then one of you take turn to go to restaurant while other stays in room with children chilling/ tablet tv etc .
-if the pool is a risk , ie falling in if running away, we made our child wear their life vest all the time when out of the room- unfortunately our room opened out into the pool, beautiful sounding but made a very stressful time. And yes they fell/jumped into the water twice dispite that!!

• something that helped us at that age was to give child a job- so didn’t insist they held our handing walking for their sake ( and wouldn’t have) but for ours sake, mummy needs help to make sure she won’t get lost, can you hold onto me and lead me to the restaurant etc. My back is sore and you help me walk slow and show me the way etc. Novelty but May be worth a shot.
• also for your partner and you just say out loud listen this is shit, I know it’s stressful we both are stressed, Yes we might show our stress in different ways but equally crap for us both, remind yourselves you are a team and it’s you both together facing this!!
• if your child sleeps ok at bedtime( ours didnt!) then try and carve out an hour sitting in room together having a drink or both take turns to do bedtime while the other goes to the bar / reads in a quiet area etc.

I hope you all manage a good sleep tonight, and tomorrow is a brighter day !!

I remember this well…my son was very similar. He ran everywhere at break neck speed. We used reins but had similar with not sitting at the table and feeling jealous of the parents whose children would sit!!!
deffo avoid hotels. We always did self catering.

Came here to write the exact same thing.

Mine is also now 6 and is finally showing signs of calming down, but birth to 6 he would run, climb, escape and we could never get him to sit still. He still needs a LOT of exercise daily.

Love all the “have you tried discipline” comments 🙄 yeh thanks I never thought of that……

@Welshinlondonmum i have been where you are, we took DS on similar holiday at the same age and I remember how stressful it was. You have had a lot of good advice on here so I won’t repeat it but just wanted to offer solidarity and say I have been where you are. Do what you need to do to survive/make the most of it. ❤️

I remember a lovely holiday when my DC were that age but we kept it low-key. Self-catering in a house so we had plenty of space in a secure area. Lots of trips to the beach with a bucket and spade. I think hotel and AI holidays are probably better with older kids. If self-catering isn't for you then time off at home with trips out might be more enjoyable until they are older.

Holidays with young DC are never relaxing though like in pre-children days. Just an opportunity to spend time together doing something different.

Wouldn’t leave him there again.

Agree with this. When our youngest was 4, I was nearly 44 and my husband was 50. We knew what we were signing up for when we decided to go ahead with an unexpected pregnancy and planned around the kids accordingly.
The kids need to be the focus on a “family holiday”.

With children at that age it’s going to be a shitshow

Get a babysitter/nanny for the day. My kids have loved this in the past, the nanny can supervise them at the kids club.