Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

When you get home, get DS assessed for ADHD.

Start making a huge effort to get your 9 month old to sleep through the night. Look into strategies and see what one might work for you, then stick to it. Plan this with DH. Talk to each other as you work through it.

Relaxing holidays as you once knew them have changed for the time being. At least while the kids are so young. This stage won’t last forever but for now it will help to accommodate the children rather than expect them to understand what holiday mode is.
They are likely unable to understand the upheaval of not being at home and don’t know what to do or how to behave except to either have fun by running away or clinging to the person making her feel safe.
Both mine were Velcro babies and the youngest was an incessant runner and mover.
He is now 9, diagnosed ADHD and DCD, and always upto something 😅
Time to relax is likely going to be a tag team event for you and DP, but that’s ok - it’s just the norm for now. Just make sure he is on board with that.
Take some prepped non dairy food/snacks with you so he can be entertained before his meal arrives or feed the kids first before you go out to dinner so they can snack when out. Colouring in, playing with toys and movement breaks will all be essential.
it won’t be like this forever but it’s a mind shift for now.
PS get your DP to pack the bags on the way home this time x

It does not sound relaxing OP I hope things settle down soon.

Just wondering why your nearly 4 DS is still in a high chair and stroller? I struggled containing my 2 year old in these contraptions and now she is 3 she sits at the table on a normal chair and the stroller is collecting dust. She really enjoyed the independence from them.

We've just had a lovely 2 week holiday with our twin 2 year olds a 3 and 4 yr old....They loved the pool and beach, trips to animal parks, aquarium etc a couple of days were wet so we did sticker and colouring books for some of there favourite treats and watched some cartoons with them. Went to a few parks great for running there energy off and had a few nice meals out. Maybe you need to do more child friendly things as if you don't kids just go hyper and bored. We found that once we started having kids had to totally change what kind of holidays we have and it does work

Fook me - aged 45 and having a 3 year and a 9 month old! It was hard enough when I was 25, can't imagine doing that now (47) when I'm all old and creaky.

Haven’t read the whole thread, but my advice would be to let go of what you consider a traditional holiday - relaxing by the pool, drinks, long dinners etc.

We've travelled all over the world with toddlers and love it so much! But we focus on doing things as it’s just build in entertainment - museums, walks, beach, attractions etc. We only eat out when child is asleep (nap/in the evening) or accept food will be a quick affair (take away or just eat and go vibes).

You can do cottage and caravan abroad. We have. Yog can go out for a meal just saying.

Its hard, I've got no advice but solidarity. Mine are 3 and 5 and holidays are an ordeal. We've started going on long weekends an hour down the road and calling it a holiday - they dont know the difference at this age and its easier to cope with than a week/ fortnight. Hope you get through it, and then get yourself a babysitter and relax on a date night after you get home.

I just don’t get your logic as a parent, and why you are doing your husbands packing too

I didn't get that impression from the OP. And this is her 3 year old's 8th holiday since he was born. So she clearly has a pretty healthy holiday budget. I have a friend who reduced to one holiday a year with a travel nanny instead of two without as she said it was so much less stressful she'd rather go away less and be more relaxed.

I know you want time with the baby but if you feel you need time to yourself as well, dh could take the 3yo to go play with the baby napping in the pram so you get time on your own and vice versa.

Your son evidently enjoys the kids club and playing with other kids but he's not able to do it without a parent - that's fairly typical for most 3yo.

I'm glad he was allowed to stand up and eat today and that made life easier. A lot of being a parent of a neurodivergent child is letting go of other people's expectations about what you "should" be doing, and instead doing what works.

Good luck for tomorrow, I'm sure you'll have a lovely day. Id say keep a mental note of what works better, what doesn't work, compare notes with your husband. Communication is everything. Even write it down to remind yourselves in the moment so you can figure out the best way to help your son stay regulated. Write down positive moments as well. It helps to read back in the hard moments.

One thing me and my husband have had to get very good at is realising when we are becoming dysregulated ourselves and handing off to the other parent and walking away for a bit. Also building rest time into our days so we know that we will have a chance to recuperate - for example on holiday having half hour scheduled in to go and get a coffee in peace and quiet while the other parent deals with the kids. The instant you or your husband recognises you are getting frustrated with your son, you hand over to the other and walk away for a minute.

Ha! It’s clearly a holiday on the cheap. A travel nanny? Get real

What you need is a really really child friendly hotel with loads to do that is also good with allergies and lets you preorder food for him

We regularly go to one with a toddler pool witb slides, private beach, mini golf, several playgrounds, kids club, various different games etc. It has an excellent buffet and if you talk to guest services you can prearrange e.g. dairy free porridge, pancakes, pasta etc at meals.

And then you divide and conquer. Knacker the older one out by getting him to walk everywhere around the hotel. When he's old enough for a scooter take a travel one and have him scoot round the grounds. Take it in turns to nap with baby whilst the other one takes the older one out.

I usually keep them on UK time, so mine sleep 9.30 to 8.30/9.30 when there is a 2 hour time difference. We go to bed not long after them and get up when they do so feel relatively rested.

Grab fruit and bread rolls from the buffet and keep thrusting them at your child throughout the day. Also bring some favourite snacks from home if needed.

Bring a bag of restaurant table entertainment, things like those cheap lightweight etch-a-sketch things, Blaydon, little cars, fidget toys etc. Make sure they've done something physically strenuous before every meal if you can. If you have to wait for the meal to be cooked can you get things like bread and olives to keep them quiet? I find that rather than eating breeds more eating, and once you get them going they'll often eat more.

And if money allows, get a travel nanny!

That's unreasonable. I took 3 year old and breast fed baby on holidays but hired a cottage which gives more freedom since you are not stuck in one hotel room (did this once with DC and decided never again!). She has an active toddler who won't be confined. A hotel holiday was not a great choice esp as child is lactose intolerant. Why do so many children have ADHD these days?

‘Your poor thing’ - patronising, much!

You poor thing. I think you'll start to turn the corner soon. What I found with these holidays is that even completely NT children become very overwhelmed and exhibit very challenging behaviour for the first few days. Once he feels more secure and used to the location, he may well settle enough to at least be able to eat a meal. Keep hanging in there!

The idea of buying child friendly food that your DS will eat is a good one and lots of walks to hopefully tire him out. Maybe lower your expectations and make the best of it? I hope you have some happy moments with your children.

Nope, definitely not worth it. Too many sharp corners, too much unfenced water and hotel buffets with small, fussy kids are hell on earth. The last holiday we had abroad, my kids came back black and blue and bitten to pieces.

Survive this one as best you can. Does the hotel offer babysitters? Might be worth getting one for a few hours.

Going forward, I heartily recommend a cheap and cheerful UK holiday park. Centerparcs or Bluestone if you're feeling spendy, but tbh we've found that places like Parkdean and some Havens are equally good and often more relaxing as everything is closer together. Pool in the morning, soft play in the afternoon, an outdoor play area and a few affordable activities. Tablet time in the restaurant, although some do have play areas. A lot are order at the table. Or you can cook in the accomodation. We used to feed the kids in our accommodation and then they'd have an ice cream while we ate dinner (fussy eaters). Yes, the weather isn't as good but it's infinitely less stressful and more enjoyable for kids who struggle with airports and abroad holidays.

Then spend the money you save on flights and an expensive AI on a few extra nursery days and some uninterrupted lunches out at nice restaurants. That's often as much a holiday as you're going to get while your kids are this age.

Get to the beach-dig a hole (in the shade) DS can’t climb out of and have lots buckets and spades for him to entertain himself in the sand!

@Welshinlondonmum it sounds like you could do with a good seeing to. If your kids can go to any on-site childcare tomorrow then hopefully your DH can put in a ‘performance’!

I suppose different people’s experiences of holidays will depend on their set up at home. I would have been getting a break from cooking every day and cleaning and the nursery run and work. While if your three year old is in childcare and your DP is doing the school run and cooking, then a holiday does not offer such a change from your day to day, especially if you have a nice home set up for the children and perhaps have a cleaner.

i think a happy three year old will equal a happy holiday.

Looking back we were incredibly lucky, DC would sit through four course meals in French restaurants at that age, travelled long haul 24 hour trip with me at four, lots of Lego was made ( thank you Swiss Air), I even won a holiday when DC was two and DH stayed home - we had a great trip, but I just planned my days centred on DC who , after a busy day, was especially taken with the chocolate on the pillow at turn down!

Frankly delusional, OP. Big girl pants time!

Holidays with children are just hard work.

I work hard enough, I am not doing holidays anymore. I can’t stand them.

It doesn't mean the original poster was wrong!