Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

311 replies

Welshinlondonmum · 17/10/2025 15:21

Myself (F45), DP (M47), DS (3-nearly 4) and DD (9Months) are on day 2 of 11 night holiday and I’m already at the end of my tether and wondering are holidays just not worth it with young kids?

DS just runs off and doesn’t look back. He’s always been a runner and we’ve tried everything - reigns, refuses to sit in high chair, pops out of buggy that we brought to try and contain him. This morning I’ve had to wrestle him into chair to get breakfast in him, being stared at by others disapprovingly. Eventually got so cross I shouted at him as last night he cried for 20 mins before bed he was starving - when he refused to sit down in restaurant and eat! He’s also dairy intolerant so we have to wait for his food to be made, which doesn’t help. He escaped from kids club this morning. We were thankfully sat on loungers outside, but I jumped up to chase him and slipped on wet tiles. I’ve really hurt my back as a result and can’t lift or chase him now. Already dreading a night of breastfeeding in a hotel bed when my back in agony like this.

Also livid as I booked this holiday as they take kids from 3 at kids club but they don’t lock the door. Myself or DP will have to stay with him at every session if we want to give each other a break, which I was so desperate for. Last night he escaped kids disco and can also open hotel room door from inside, so having to barricade ourselves in with suitcases as there’s no way to keep door child safe.

We’ve been on at least 8 holidays with him since he was born and this could be the worst so far! I thought with age he would calm down a bit.

DS caring and loving and generally well behaved in childcare but really pushes it when in a busy environment . I’m firm and try to have consistent boundaries, stay calm but DP has a short temper and ends up frustrated and angry. To be frank, I don’t blame him, but this just adds to overall stress. DS just doesn’t stop moving - typical boy x10. He also has a mild tic and Dr has suggested potential ADHD, but says we must wait till school to refer when he’s older. But it is challenging and we are at a loss how to do ‘normal’ things.

DD (9M) is lovely but attached to me constantly- cries minute I put her down and squirms when dad holds her. Combo feeding but she’s in with me feeding all night off and on, so sleep is lacking. I was also up till 4am packing to leave at 10.30am. I just managed a last minute bikini wax at 9am on 3hrs sleep. Husband annoyed I left this till ‘last minute’ - Plus now I’ve unpacked I’ve realised I’ve got 3 tshirts, 3 pairs of knickers and several dresses that don’t work for breastfeeding whilst I managed to pack for both kids and husbands! My clothes order and underwear currently say in next which I had no time to retrieve :(

DP and I already arguing over sons behaviour and generally sniping about how he hates the stress of holiday. But I was desperate for a break but this is far from relaxing.

DP saying he cannot cope with DS and is physically shaking from his behaviour and keeps saying he’s going to have a heart attack!! I literally feel completely overwhelmed. Both miserable!

I know people on here will say I have a DP problem but I’m literally just looking for some kind words of advice on how to deal with son right now in this All inclusive hotel that is not set up for young kids, despite the reviews to the contrary. I’m trying to salvage the holiday and not feel like a hormonal, breast feeding, frazzled mum who’s completely overwhelmed with the worry of 9 days of this! praying it all calms down soon and we find some calm! Is this possible with 2 young kids?

Thanks if you’ve read this far! Please be kind - any advice?

OP posts:
Heyitsmeyeh · 19/10/2025 00:15

I hear you. I’ve been you. I send you reassurance that it gets better. We had a holiday like this and I realised something which has helped me every holiday since (DS now 6 DD now 3). Family
holidays have incredible bits. Bits you’ll remember for years to come. Bits that make your heart sing. They also have bits that make you think you’ll explode with the overwhelm or horrific ness of it all. And want to cry. Or actually cry.

but that’s life. It IS ups and downs and holidays are no different. Holidaying with a BF 9 month old is just feeding in a different place. Without your night light and usual set up. So mix up your routine. All get in bed together in the morning. Put son infront of the tv or iPad. (It’s his holiday too). Just have no rules except survival. And enjoy not having to do the washing on top of it all.

it does get better, I promise.

also, the kids will be in sensory overload at all the change. Give them a few days and it will improvexx

Anonemouse1 · 18/10/2025 23:52

Can you do dinner in your hotel room so it's less stressful? Maybe on the balcony if you have one? Lunch on the loungers by the pool? Just make it more casual than formal dining experiences? Let him snack loads. He's 3 years old and at that age they seem to survive on a bite of toast and banana-no idea how!
We've just been on holiday with our two under 3. We stayed in self catering apartment and had picnics on the beach, breakfast and dinner at home and strolled down to have ice creams out after dinner. We did have dinners in restaurants a few times but packed so many toys and those magic marker packs and we took responsibility for a kid each and entertained and distracted all the way through and ate really quickly. But managed to keep them at the table and also hiding under the table for most meals and on one meal, we took turns to walk one or both of them whilst we tagged teamed eating - sometimes kids just don't want to comply. It's all practice for when they can sit for longer in a few years. Think it must be so dull for them, they must think I've eaten, why are we still say here?

Ours was a runner too. Something changed six months ago and now he doesn't run anymore. Things shift, don't be so hard on yourself or him. Do what you can to simplify your holiday, use the iPad if you need to distract him. Hope the rest of the holiday gets better.

MooDengOfThailand · 18/10/2025 23:35

Sounds like your DH has ADHD too.

MooDengOfThailand · 18/10/2025 23:25

I bet he has ADHD and ASD.
Doesn't sound like you plan on getting a diagnosis any time soon, which is pity because early intervention makes a world of difference.

DarkForces · 18/10/2025 23:17

I gave up on hotel holidays abroad after a hellish one with dd. We did caravan parks in uk until she was older where we could drive to loads of fun stuff in the day and then chill in the evening. The travel, pools they could fall in and having to eat out constantly were a pita when she was little.

verybighouseinthecountry · 18/10/2025 23:13

Hellvellyn · 17/10/2025 18:06

Your husband is nearly 50. I also can think of nothing worse than being on holiday with babies or toddlers at nearly 50. We thoroughly enjoyed our holidays with our young children but had the energy to keep up with them. But you must have thought about this when deciding to have children at your age?

Exactly what I was thinking. I'd be on the brink of a heart attack at my age with a child that's a flight risk, especially near a pool in a strange place.

SharpMintUser · 18/10/2025 22:59

Spend some time with your child instead of packing him off to childcare?

MrsKeats · 18/10/2025 22:43

I didn’t say too old. It’s my opinion that people in their mid to late forties don’t have as much energy as younger people. Hardly a ground breaking idea.

Chinsupmeloves · 18/10/2025 22:37

MrsKeats · 18/10/2025 22:17

Not a popular opinion but I think having a baby when your partner was 46 is a bad idea in itself. A friend of mine had a baby with a man of 50 and he has no patience at all with their children.

Yes that is indeed unpopular! Having a baby in your 40s, never mind partner, happens more than you seem to know. We are perfectly capable of being good parents and much fitter than some nieces and nephews in their 20s, have earnt to provide for every need and have so much experience. We also help with one who got pregnant at 15 and can't cope, take the baby, now toddler for days out along with our young child, on holiday, look after.

46 too old to parent, really???

Chinsupmeloves · 18/10/2025 22:28

My first reaction was knowing he's a runner to put him into a kid's club with strangers in a foreign country! Ours was so this was never an option, basically ever.

MrsKeats · 18/10/2025 22:17

Not a popular opinion but I think having a baby when your partner was 46 is a bad idea in itself. A friend of mine had a baby with a man of 50 and he has no patience at all with their children.

Breadandsticks · 18/10/2025 22:11

For me it is more about changing my expectations of what a holiday is.

When you are single or holidaying without children, you can wonder off and just enjoy yourself and relax or be out all the time. It’s all at your pace.

For me, if I’m having a holiday with children (I’ve had holidays with and without children - post children) they become a time to make memories for the children. It becomes about finding things for the children to do, for example a museum that might have a baby section or a play park. Unless it’s a large family holiday and I know I can have grown up time at a restaurant/bar and leave the kids with grandma or family. I understand that this was probably what you were trying to do with the kids club. If I’m stuck with the kids I look at an holiday as experiencing parenthood just in another country.

Yes it’s still stressful, but it’s nicer as I allow myself to accept that tantrums will happen, finding child friendly restaurants or cooking myself is less stressful. It gets more enjoyable as they get older (then you have to decide how much you can stomach them telling you “I’m bored!”).

I guess you’re building memories, as stressful as it is. To answer your question I sometimes do feel I can achieve the holiday feeling with a staycation / but it’s nice to take them abroad. Although they don’t always remember which is sometimes funny when it comes up in convo when they are abit older.

Although since I’ve had children, I only take them to countries where I have friends and family as I find it much more enjoyable. If I want to explore a city myself, then I go without kids.

I do hope you can make the most of the days left of the holidays - defo give your OH more responsibility.

Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 18/10/2025 21:42

littlebilliie · 18/10/2025 05:10

I have to say boys are wired for adventure. My Ds was a loud bold lively little boy. I read “raising boys” by Steve Biddulph and it really helped me understand that this is a massive development stage. Don’t start labelling his so young, this is quite normal and my DS when through tics and lost speech at this age, it all passes but raising boys is exciting and they don’t always fit into our expectations he is a baby until age 5.

@littlebilliie this sounds interesting. Will look it up when home. Thanks for suggesting x

OP posts:
FioFioSILK · 18/10/2025 21:41

Swimming pool. Use up that energy. Plenty of food constantly to slow him down a bit. Story time for quiet down time so he can be calm. Get some snacks so not relying on meal times. Let your husband take him for an hour and show him new things etc. In a moving buggy. At this age we used to walk our son like a puppy. A backpack with reins on filled with snacks and some good shoes and he's good to go. Even if it's ADHD you still have to learn to manage him. And yourselves. It's highly heritable. So either you or DH have it.

Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 18/10/2025 21:37

JillMW · 18/10/2025 09:20

Sorry one more thought! Well, two ha.
I am dark haired so I do get the bikini thing! I find if I am in a rush I do get more ingrowing hairs. For me I find to apply a hot wet flannel before and after seems to really help. I take two neurogfen before I get it done as I feel it stops any discomfort afterwards! No pants and a robe for an hour and only cotton pants for the rest of the day. I often book myself in with the hotel beautician for a wax and a facial on the first day. Too late this time but might be something you can try next time.
My middle one slept her first night when she was 4 years. She was an extremist! The other two were brilliant sleepers. She hardly sleeps now as an adult, which works well for shifts! I have no advice for the sleeping as I had no clue! But I was exhausted and embarrassed to ask for help. Try to get rest whenever you can. If anyone offers to hold the baby let them, she might be clingy now but soon she will be happy as long as someone holds her and at least you can have toast and a cuppa.

Show quote history

@JillMW thanks for your messages today! They have really made me laugh and also great advice! Refreshing to have a laugh about all this instead of some of the judgey messages I’ve seen! Great idea about booking for arrival on this stuff - I’m always organised in principle but time just always slips away!

OP posts:
Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 18/10/2025 21:29

Luckyingame · 18/10/2025 12:35

Packing for your (adult, male) partner.
Do you also "prep his lunches"?
Ick.
No, holidays with (small) children are not really holidays.

Well given he cooks for me most nights I’ll ask him if that gives him the ick. Why be so mean? @Luckyingame

OP posts:
Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 18/10/2025 21:18

LCB261 · 18/10/2025 19:30

I travel alot on my own with my 4 young children ( all under 9 ) , one has combined ADHD and has trouble in certain areas and running off etc.
Firstly id never do kids club , I dont understand why ppl go on a family holiday then leave there kids with strangers in a kids club to sit by the pool. Where is the 9 month old? While ur sat on the loungers? If that was my child , my child would b kicking off like why have I got to stay here with strangers but my siblings dont.
Bottom line, sitting in restaurants eating, putting kids in kids club esp ND children is unrealistic for kids this age. Its so boring for them , so u will notice more challenging behaviour.

Ppl ask me all the time how I manage it, its because we never stay in the hotel n from morning to night we are out busy, as soon as the boredom kicks in, theres meltdowns everywhere so avoid them at all costs. Im ok with the fact wen they r older I can have relaxing holidays to myself. But for now our holidays are tailored around the kids.

Literally the baby doesn’t leave my lap as we play or is in her stroller as we potter about or dad is with her. Once again - I don’t and didn’t envisage spending my entire holiday on a lounger with my son shoved in the kids club all day which is the conclusion most seem to have jumped too 🤣 he’s enjoyed it before. I thought he’d manage an hour or two. He also loves to socialise generally. Him being at kids club was time I’d spend relaxing with the baby and husband - so yes - quality family time! Because there would also be quality family time with my son for the rest of the day!

Relaxing for me is actually being away from home for a change, the life challenges we’ve had this year, the piles of laundry and the hope to have a nice time before I’m back at bloody work in the new year in the grey old uk.

OP posts:
Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 18/10/2025 21:05

Justwhy2 · 18/10/2025 21:00

We went away when out kids were 3 and 1.5, it was horrendous.

Do you have a kitchenette? We were self catering, had planned for dinner out every night, but it was just too stressful. Ended up going to Aldi and buying pasta, tomato sauces, bread etc and feeding the kids in the room, putting them to bed at their normal time, then hubby went and got us takeaway and we had a couple of beers on the balcony. Son was also df so I get it!

Day time was more bearable when they had more sleep. We found a theme hotel with a soft play (imagine going to soft play in Majorca), and went to little parks etc.

You both need to work together, and try to give each other some down time and get some enjoyment out of the holiday.

When he was 2.5 we stayed in an air b&b in Puglia and drove out to see and do things before a week at the end in a hotel. Granted he was less mobile then but it was easier cooking a few days then - but it was also a different time in his development. I am thinking self catered apartment wherever the location of even hotel with kitchenette may be the solution if we do try again! Which quite frankly not likely any time soon lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 18/10/2025 21:01

CremeBruhlee · 18/10/2025 20:11

The whole ‘bunging the kids in the kids club rather than spend time with them’ judgement is comedy.

My kids have always been really sociable and enjoy playing with other kids, each other and other adults.

At most they have done maybe 3 kids club sessions over a week. Usually one or two plus a kids disco. Our last holiday they did one 2 hour session and loved it but we were too busy to fit another in.

Bare in mind that on a day on holiday with young kids that could be - up at 7am for playing with toys and heading down to breakfast, breakfast until 9am playing and chatting and interacting, 9-10 in the pool with both parents as 2 kids, quick change and

11-2 out for lunch and a walk around local town running round the square, seeing some sights.

2-4 - kids club for crafting session and arranged treasure hunt game and dance club in aircon kids club to avoid heat of midday.

4-5 - back into pool or down to beach jumping over waves/ on pedals etc or both parents in pool playing with balls and playing games

5-6 - back to the room to get ready so one parent playing with toys on the balcony with them

6- 8.30 - playing uno, chatting eating and running around at disco

Are you honestly judging these parents for a kids club session? Lots of kids love kids club and ask to go. It’s a long day with kids on a holiday and many enjoy other kids company and some activities out of the heat of the sun.

Show quote history

@CremeBruhlee agree! Everyone has a different experience. Seems wild so many judgey people on here taking offence to the fact I literally fancied the odd hour or two to focus on my 9 month year old baby on my holiday before I’m back at work and then I don’t get to see HER all day 🥺

OP posts:
Justwhy2 · 18/10/2025 21:00

We went away when out kids were 3 and 1.5, it was horrendous.

Do you have a kitchenette? We were self catering, had planned for dinner out every night, but it was just too stressful. Ended up going to Aldi and buying pasta, tomato sauces, bread etc and feeding the kids in the room, putting them to bed at their normal time, then hubby went and got us takeaway and we had a couple of beers on the balcony. Son was also df so I get it!

Day time was more bearable when they had more sleep. We found a theme hotel with a soft play (imagine going to soft play in Majorca), and went to little parks etc.

You both need to work together, and try to give each other some down time and get some enjoyment out of the holiday.

Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 18/10/2025 20:54

Holidayexpectations · 18/10/2025 20:34

Having dinner at lunchtime was a game changer for us with small kids. But yes adjust your expectations. It’s always worth bringing kids away IMO but it’s not a sitting on sun lounger type holiday anymore. Also try explaining calmly to the 4yo why they can’t run away, it’ll sink in eventually. My kids are unreal little travellers now at 11 and 8. Totally worth it.

I feel like a broken record repeating it to him constantly. It doesn’t change a thing sadly. And now the whole hotel knows his name from calling after him constantly 😂

We had a great lunch today in a small taverna and it did get me thinking we should try and make that a go too at lunch and just sack off the evening which is just disaster generally. Although he ate kids menu in a quiet a la carte at the resort tonight sat on my lap with the eye pad with an early start so this may also be the way forward.

OP posts:
Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 18/10/2025 20:52

OMGafourth · 18/10/2025 20:46

Only skimmed the comments, so please don't shoot me if I repeat previous posters.
Have you heard of "right to choose"? If you use those words to the Dr they should start the ball rolling. In my area this route is around 5x faster than the school route, which can take up to 5 years!

This is new news! I was dismissed when I asked about assessment with the consultant he was under for his tic and told wait till school. This was when he was trying to escape the room he was being assessed in ironically given this post 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 18/10/2025 20:50

user1492809438 · 17/10/2025 22:08

Husband about to to have a heart attack..get on with it but don't bother me! What a useless parent.

@user1492809438 wow your pleasant!

You sound like a man hater.

He is far from useless. When did I say - ‘don’t bother me?’

what I said is he has a shorter fuse, gets frustrated - quite natural human emotions in a stressful situation and given his history of panics attacks post a serious car accident where he was injured, he finds high stress situations hard as a result - hence the heart attack comment.

When your 3 years old son is literally running into danger (A road, a pool side, escaping what you’d assume was a secure child care setting) you’d probably feel extreme stress too.

I’ve previously stated he is good dad- he cooks most nights, does majority drop offs for childcare, does sons clubs, most bed times and is a very loving dad to name some of his ‘useless’ qualities!

Sweeping generalisations like you’ve made are quite frankly pathetic.

OP posts:
OMGafourth · 18/10/2025 20:46

Only skimmed the comments, so please don't shoot me if I repeat previous posters.
Have you heard of "right to choose"? If you use those words to the Dr they should start the ball rolling. In my area this route is around 5x faster than the school route, which can take up to 5 years!

Holidayexpectations · 18/10/2025 20:34

Having dinner at lunchtime was a game changer for us with small kids. But yes adjust your expectations. It’s always worth bringing kids away IMO but it’s not a sitting on sun lounger type holiday anymore. Also try explaining calmly to the 4yo why they can’t run away, it’ll sink in eventually. My kids are unreal little travellers now at 11 and 8. Totally worth it.