Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

Deprive themselves? Having children is not a right. Did I say that? I said this is the likely result. It’s really not that hard.

Thinking about it, we went on holiday July 2023, just a couple of weeks before my due date. We went to Devon which is a good four hours drive and on the way there ds (then two and a half) was fine, he slept, listened to his Tonie box, had snacks, drinks and rest stops. The way back was a different story! DH stopped for fuel after about an hour and it woke him and he was furious. We stopped and got him lunch and after that could not get him back in the car seat despite frantic attempts. Ended up putting Mr Tumble on the phone and drove back with him watching that and eating crisps. Not the parent I thought I’d be, but the parent I had to be in that moment!

@MrsKeats

some people don’t want to have kids in the twenties or thirties, they aren’t ready. And some people can’t have them in their twenties or thirties for a variety of reasons. Are you saying that these people should deprive themselves of being a parent when they reach a position for parenthood?

@FioFioSILK

“Plenty of food constantly to slow him down a bit.“

sorry, don’t get this bit…how is stuffing him full of food gonna do? (Besides risk making him obese in the future, after learning to keep eating beyond satiation)

Sorry you are having a hard time. When I look back on our holidays 2DS I think we were mad and it would have been better to do days out or shortbread. Good luck.

Just use this as something to learn from. As much as you still want to go on holiday and have a break the reality is very different for you at the moment . You need to.adjist expectations. Some kids are easier than others but seeing as your son is such a runner , the main priority is keeping him safe. You were never going to be able to relax knowing this is what your son does. He is probably extremely over stimulated from the change of environment. I would look for earlier flights back and just come.

Ha - my DH leaves that to me. I’m surprised that the OP has got so much hate for that. If I’m packing a suitcase for me why wouldn’t I put DHs pants, socks, jeans etc in? I don’t see that as incompetence, it’s just that in a relationship you do things for one another.

At any rate, I was thinking about this thread this morning. I do think a lot of the problems stem from trying to force the DS to sit / stay rather than making sitting an attractive option. High chairs are not for children who are nearly four; they just aren’t, and I’m not surprised he wouldn’t sit in it.

I know tablets and so on aren’t great and I don’t use them myself but to be honest we have only recently started to venture into the world of restaurants and eating out again and we’re a year ‘ahead’ of the OP. (DD is a bit more chill than my DS was at 2!) But I would use a tablet or phone to remove the conflict and shouting. It just makes life easier.

The Ops DS may have ADHD; it isn’t for any of us to say. Just be cautious and don’t make assumptions (on both counts) don’t assume he hasn’t but also don’t assume he has. Both are potentially damaging.

I think there is a middle ground if you and your DP are a solid 50/50 team. I can see how that could work. I bet your DH knew how to pack his own suitcase for a start.

In OP’s case (and mine - whole other thread!) it sounds like the man-child partner is not exactly proactive in helping to manage the situation.

When you’re breastfeeding a nine month old and wrangling a toddler in a hotel in another country, you really do not need to be coaching your partner how to parent (or even pack a suitcase!) on top of all that. Picking up the slack of a dead weight partner is the most exhausting aspect of the whole thing.

It’s very rare anyone will even accept an ADHD referal before 7 years old.

Adjustments shouldn’t be based on diagnosis, although we know it is. But there is nothing stopping the OP for putting adjustments in place now. I would strongly suggests she does that now.

@OhNineFiftyFour surely there is a middle ground, though!

We have been to Center Parcs (many times!) and had cottages in the Lake District, wales, Shropshire and other places. They’ve been lovely and the children have really enjoyed them as well.

And it DOES get easier. We went to Center Parcs in the Lake District for the Easter weekend, when DD was about 20 months and DS was four and I optimistically took a book. I didn’t even look at it. Went again (to Sherwood) at the start of September and in the intervening five months things were a lot more settled and I did get to do some reading and relaxation in the evenings. Also walked to the nature reserve with DD in the pushchair and she napped and I just sat and enjoyed it (while DH did some Land Rover discovery thing with DS!)

Obviously if we didn’t have the children we wouldn’t go on a holiday like that but it was still so enjoyable and not just in a ‘because the kids like it’ way. I love nature and wildlife; DH loves activities and outdoor pursuits, we all love swimming and who doesn’t love pancakes …

I know you posted for advice now that you’re there. But honestly, I don’t think you’re going to find a magic bullet for this situation. It is what it is and you either cut your losses and go home early or tough it out.

it sounds like you’re learning the hard way that holidays with children those ages are more hassle than they’re worth. I also made the same mistake of buying into the fantasy of a lovely few hours lounging by the pool while the DCs tired themselves out at the Kids’ Club, followed by nice family dinners at a sea side restaurant while baby slept in the buggy. Ha!

After one particularly horrendous week in a caravan in Wales I decided that was it and I wasn’t going to bother trying to go on holiday until the DCs were older. We didn’t go away again until the youngest was 5 and then we had an excellent time.

I’ve been in your situation and stuck it out to the bitter end. But knowing now what I didn’t know then, I would just come home and spend the rest of the holiday staycationing. Why make life harder?

It sounds like both your son and possibly your DP have ND issues and so you’re going to have to learn to manage the disappointment gap between the fantasy holiday and the reality of taking them out of their routines and overwhelming them with stimulus.

I also cannot believe that you packed your partner’s suitcase. That needs to stop immediately. A grown man of nearly 50 should be able to throw some pants and t shirts into a bag for fucks sake.

47 is three years away from fifty. It really isn’t in one’s dotage.

I am 45. I have one child who is five in December and a second who turned two in August.

Yesterday we were out of the house from 9 in the morning to gone five. The children like being outside and we all have more energy for the fresh air. I didn’t realise I was supposed to be collapsed, exhausted, on a sofa somewhere!

My husband is 53 we have a child who is a flight risk

Places where kids aren't safe give me the rage. I stayed in a mobile home at couldn't be properly secured on the inside, my 2 year old at the time could have let himself out (we were staying at Devon cliffs so you can imagine the worry). I had to sleep in the same bed as him on the outside so he wouldn't get up wondering around without my knowledge. When we stayed in Thailand when my son was 4 my husband's friend booked us the penthouse of this local hotel we would stay at every time we went. It was about 4 stories high and the window was low down had no lock. My son could easily have opened it and fell to his death. We had to baracade it somehow with furniture and once again I slept next to him literally clinging to him lest he got up and opened the window!

I find holidays where my kids have constant access to water extremely stressful. They're not in any way a break for me, I'm on high alert the whole time, right next to the smaller one and trying to keep the bigger one in my eye-line. I refuse to go to fancy waterparks etc. unless we have one adult per child.

What works better is holidays where there is a pool but it can't be constantly accessed. So we go swimming for a couple of hours in the morning (with a lifeguard present) and that's it. Then we have lunch and a rest in our accommodation, kids watch some cartoons, and then we do more activities later in the afternoon, feed the kids and go out for adults' dinner and kids' ice cream. That's the most restful formula I've found for a family holiday so far.

Your main concern here is your son. He is suspected ADHD so that in itself is a challenge for him and you. He is out if his routine and totally overwhelmed and over stimulated. I am a mum to an autistic and ADHD 7 year old and he will also run when in situations where he is overwhelmed.

Try feeding him when the restaurant is quiet or take the food back to your room. As for kids club, talk to the staff and explain the situation. My little one goes to kids club on holiday but only after I asses it and talk to the staff. Previously we have taken him to see them in-between sessions so he can get used to it then he attends with everyone else.

Try explaining what is going to happen when to your son. Split the day into what you want to do and giving him time out of busy places and time to burn of energy by running around somewhere.

The holiday can work but you have to make adjustments.

This is like saying "you can't say you're finding anything hard, because you knew before you had them that kids would make life harder". So basically negating the need for things like mumsnet. In addition, this particular situation doesn't sound like it's about the average child does it?

Struggling to understand this one. When you're 50, your patience just flies out the door? All men aged 50 won't have patience with a child? What about women? I see plenty of people at younger ages both men and women shouting and screaming at kids. Surely it's a personality thing?

Really? How about wording it like: "sounds like he does have ADHD, you don't have to wait for school to get a diagnosis - here are some other ways to go about it as early intervention can be so beneficial."

Shes already been to her GP who has given the advice to wait. It's not like she's ignoring it as you seem to be suggesting. She's clearly mentioned all this as she's aware of a problem and hopes for advice about her particular situation. So why finger point? What purpose does it serve? How about encouraging someone and giving them solutions instead of simply accusing them of lack of effort? That doesn't benefit anyone.

Exactly this. Holidays (or most things really) with young kids are absolutely shit. They are not holidays at all!

We stuck to short, local breaks with all of ours until they were about 5 when they could do what they were told and didnt cry all the bloody time!

OP hopefully you survive the rest of your time on holiday and it gets less stressful! Skip foreign holidays for a few years or leave the terrors with granny next time!

i think holidays with under 5’s are just hard. It’s just parenting in a different location with less facilities. I kept trying with the foreign holidays as well but ultimately center parcs was the best holiday for us at that age.

you can only try and make the best of it.