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Original poster

Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

311 replies

Welshinlondonmum · 17/10/2025 15:21

Myself (F45), DP (M47), DS (3-nearly 4) and DD (9Months) are on day 2 of 11 night holiday and I’m already at the end of my tether and wondering are holidays just not worth it with young kids?

DS just runs off and doesn’t look back. He’s always been a runner and we’ve tried everything - reigns, refuses to sit in high chair, pops out of buggy that we brought to try and contain him. This morning I’ve had to wrestle him into chair to get breakfast in him, being stared at by others disapprovingly. Eventually got so cross I shouted at him as last night he cried for 20 mins before bed he was starving - when he refused to sit down in restaurant and eat! He’s also dairy intolerant so we have to wait for his food to be made, which doesn’t help. He escaped from kids club this morning. We were thankfully sat on loungers outside, but I jumped up to chase him and slipped on wet tiles. I’ve really hurt my back as a result and can’t lift or chase him now. Already dreading a night of breastfeeding in a hotel bed when my back in agony like this.

Also livid as I booked this holiday as they take kids from 3 at kids club but they don’t lock the door. Myself or DP will have to stay with him at every session if we want to give each other a break, which I was so desperate for. Last night he escaped kids disco and can also open hotel room door from inside, so having to barricade ourselves in with suitcases as there’s no way to keep door child safe.

We’ve been on at least 8 holidays with him since he was born and this could be the worst so far! I thought with age he would calm down a bit.

DS caring and loving and generally well behaved in childcare but really pushes it when in a busy environment . I’m firm and try to have consistent boundaries, stay calm but DP has a short temper and ends up frustrated and angry. To be frank, I don’t blame him, but this just adds to overall stress. DS just doesn’t stop moving - typical boy x10. He also has a mild tic and Dr has suggested potential ADHD, but says we must wait till school to refer when he’s older. But it is challenging and we are at a loss how to do ‘normal’ things.

DD (9M) is lovely but attached to me constantly- cries minute I put her down and squirms when dad holds her. Combo feeding but she’s in with me feeding all night off and on, so sleep is lacking. I was also up till 4am packing to leave at 10.30am. I just managed a last minute bikini wax at 9am on 3hrs sleep. Husband annoyed I left this till ‘last minute’ - Plus now I’ve unpacked I’ve realised I’ve got 3 tshirts, 3 pairs of knickers and several dresses that don’t work for breastfeeding whilst I managed to pack for both kids and husbands! My clothes order and underwear currently say in next which I had no time to retrieve :(

DP and I already arguing over sons behaviour and generally sniping about how he hates the stress of holiday. But I was desperate for a break but this is far from relaxing.

DP saying he cannot cope with DS and is physically shaking from his behaviour and keeps saying he’s going to have a heart attack!! I literally feel completely overwhelmed. Both miserable!

I know people on here will say I have a DP problem but I’m literally just looking for some kind words of advice on how to deal with son right now in this All inclusive hotel that is not set up for young kids, despite the reviews to the contrary. I’m trying to salvage the holiday and not feel like a hormonal, breast feeding, frazzled mum who’s completely overwhelmed with the worry of 9 days of this! praying it all calms down soon and we find some calm! Is this possible with 2 young kids?

Thanks if you’ve read this far! Please be kind - any advice?

OP posts:
Imdoodleladie · 19/10/2025 14:04

The children won't remember a thing about holidaying abroad. At that age day trips or two days camping. It's all the same. Better to stay home. Relax, chill & day trips. Going abroad is a bit like keeping up with Jones's.

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/10/2025 14:02

What a sad thread. We loved holidays with the kids when they were small. Still do now they’re adults, one with their own child.

rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 14:00

I couldn’t care less when you had your children. It is nothing to do with me at all. I’d like to think that you don’t actually think that because you had some nice holidays in your 20s and 30s everyone who had a child at 40 plus did, but your above comment makes me think you do.

BerryTwister · 19/10/2025 13:51

rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 13:42

I know I’ll be slated for saying this, but as older parents you’ve had years and years of lovely relaxing holidays pre kids

It is unheard of for me to be this rude but how stupid is this?

Do people actually think that we get to 42 and think ‘actually we’ll have a baby now’ or do you not think sometimes it’s things like previous serious illness, infertility (which means a lot of the time there are no lovely relaxing holidays as all your money goes on IVF) not meeting a partner until very late in life (and hopefully you won’t need me to explain to you that living as a single person, even well paid, isn’t a cheap option) and other things, not many of which align very well with lying on a beach.

It is a really stupid and ignorant thing to say. I know MN can be ridiculous about older parents (and younger ones) but some of these comments are absolutely appalling.

@rainbowshoes I also said I am an older parent. I didn’t meet my partner till I was mid 30s, then had many years of unsuccessful and devastating IVF before finally conceiving, after which my partner left me. But during my 20s and 30s I made the most of my child-free holidays, and although it felt like a rather pathetic consolation prize at the time, on reflection it enabled me to not feel short-changed when subsequent holidays where totally child-orientated.

rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 13:42

I know I’ll be slated for saying this, but as older parents you’ve had years and years of lovely relaxing holidays pre kids

It is unheard of for me to be this rude but how stupid is this?

Do people actually think that we get to 42 and think ‘actually we’ll have a baby now’ or do you not think sometimes it’s things like previous serious illness, infertility (which means a lot of the time there are no lovely relaxing holidays as all your money goes on IVF) not meeting a partner until very late in life (and hopefully you won’t need me to explain to you that living as a single person, even well paid, isn’t a cheap option) and other things, not many of which align very well with lying on a beach.

It is a really stupid and ignorant thing to say. I know MN can be ridiculous about older parents (and younger ones) but some of these comments are absolutely appalling.

2to5 · 19/10/2025 13:29

I think we have unrealistic expectations of children at big times of the year, holidays xmas birthdays etc
It's really easy to feel disappointed as at these times you hope they will change their behaviour to show how much effort and expense it has taken and behave gratefully. The reality is they often dont until they are older. I can't see that your DS behaves in restaurants and doesn't run off at home so holiday won't be any different. These behaviours need to be embedded at home if you expect you expect them. Start small with short restaurant trips and make the expectation clear before you go, dont set your child up to fail by making the first few restaurants somewhere you know it will be quick service, child friendly food etc and dont hang about once done! Offer the choice to sit nicely on a chair before forcing a high chair.
Natural consequences are the best teacher but you have to have nerves of steel. If you run off I won't chase you...... every child always remembers a time they were or thought they were lost.
I do remember when one of mine used to fight to not be in the cars seat, it literally took every move I had to get the buckle done, one day on the drive I just said OK then you stay here, I stood them on the doorstep, got in the car and I drove off up the street. Of course after a minute parked up the street I came back but they never did it again!
I do think kids clubs need to be secure but if your child is an expert escape artist then it was always going to happen.
Stick to short staycations until you're ready for abroad.

user1492809438 · 19/10/2025 12:14

What makes me really sad is you are on here at your wit's end trying to find solutions, what are your husband's suggestions? I understand he has panic attacks, but really if he is a thinking intelligent being holding down a job he should be able to contribute some ideas. You are both parents, but you are doing all the heavy lifting.
PS my husband and I had our children in our 40's so age is not a factor I recognise.

BerryTwister · 19/10/2025 11:57

OP I just think you have to completely change the meaning of the word “holiday” when you have young kids. It’s not a rest from work or routine, it’s a hard slog. But it’s a slog in a different place, so your kids have new experiences and see new things.

I’m a single parent so it was always just me and the kids, and I found holidays exhausting. But I enjoyed finding places and activities that the kids would enjoy, and I loved seeing them discover new things. We live in the midlands, so just paddling in the sea was exciting for them.

One of my kids was a runner too, so we always did self catering holidays, because I knew that managing his behaviour in a hotel would be impossible.

You just have to work with what you’ve got, and structure the holidays to match your children’s personalities. I’m afraid it sounds as if you and your husband had your own agenda and expected the kids to fall in with it. Sadly young kids aren’t always that compliant!

I know I’ll be slated for saying this, but as older parents you’ve had years and years of lovely relaxing holidays pre kids. Now you’ve got a few years of just sucking up the stress! I’m an older parent too by the way.

It gets easier, although moaning teens can be a challenge on holiday too!

DaringOtter · 19/10/2025 11:47

A wise friend said once, holidays are 'same shit, different location' with young children.
OP you're doing amazing to have made it on holiday. You only had a baby 9 months ago! Don't put pressure on yourself - whatever you have to do to survive - do it. Even if that's pinching anything your son will eat from thr buffet and letting him eat it on the move - who cares!! You need a break - take it whatever way you get it.

ps it does get easier (I have a 7 and 4 year old)

Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 19/10/2025 11:34

Autisticburnouthell · 19/10/2025 10:42

OP you’ve had couple but not many judgy comments at all on this thread considering it Aibu board but most of your replies are combatative. I’m wondering if reading this thread is helpful for you at the moment or if its better to step away from in for now and post on sen parenting and/or relationships when you’re back from holiday.

@Autisticburnouthell I do appreciate that and I’ll admit the last few responses have been combative as sadly there is a lot of hate on here - certainly as the comments have gone on and I’ve been reading comments backwards.

I’m definitely fine and in a much better head space now than a few days ago. There was a massive amount of great advice in the first 60% and many of the replies. Much of which I’ve started to apply and some have been so helpful. DS has been doing what he loves down the beach and swimming etc and eating environments have improved. He will always run but husband and I have a rota now - if you don’t have baby, drop everything and chase 🤣

I’m just gobsmacked really about the main criticism which was unsolicited and just shows the levels of small minded and judgement for other people’s lives. Our ages, my partners stress, the fact we tried a holiday to start with, trying a kids club that thousands do, using a buggy…and being called a classic door mat for packing a few shorts and pants lol

I’m just more for women supporting women so we rise and not slamming people on the internet. We all do things differently. But hey - I guess that’s the internet for you.

x

OP posts:
rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 10:50

MrsKeats · 19/10/2025 10:47

The result is that older parents are often knackered. Hang it up and stop projecting.

It is children that are tiring, not the age.

I’m not knackered, at any rate. I get tired sometimes but mostly that’s on my work days! Working, managing a home, raising children (especially when you do it ‘well’) and juggling other relationships and commitments is tough.

Luckily, so are we.

rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 10:48

Autisticburnouthell · 19/10/2025 10:42

OP you’ve had couple but not many judgy comments at all on this thread considering it Aibu board but most of your replies are combatative. I’m wondering if reading this thread is helpful for you at the moment or if its better to step away from in for now and post on sen parenting and/or relationships when you’re back from holiday.

She’s not been combative at all!

Cherrytree86 · 19/10/2025 10:48

MrsKeats · 19/10/2025 10:46

Yes. It all sounds super fun 🙄

@MrsKeats

yeah I’m not sure OP would be finding the holiday with these kids fun if she was 25, not 40. Cos it’s not fun. She needs to save her money and go on trips with her mates while husband looks after kids and vice versa, until kids are old enough to not be such hard work on holiday!

MrsKeats · 19/10/2025 10:47

The result is that older parents are often knackered. Hang it up and stop projecting.

rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 10:47

Ah no there’s no hate - it’s fine if it works. I was just wondering if maybe you were sort of assuming he was still a toddler. Both mine have hated the high chair, not sure why. Life’s so much easier now that’s gone for good. But I’d honestly just go with whatever works.

When he is four? My DS was really difficult at the end of 2 and right up to about 3 and 3/4. He calmed down a lot at four which is why I am wary of assuming ND. He’s (mostly) lovely now but he was so defiant, angry, rude, stroppy when he was three, it used to really upset me and think I was a terrible mum. (And MN diagnosed him with ADHD and PDA; as far as I can tell he hasn’t got either!)

MrsKeats · 19/10/2025 10:46

Yes. It all sounds super fun 🙄

Cherrytree86 · 19/10/2025 10:43

MrsKeats · 19/10/2025 10:38

Deprive themselves? Having children is not a right. Did I say that? I said this is the likely result. It’s really not that hard.

@MrsKeats

oh and these kids are being taken on holiday…when you “this is the result” what result? Kids being taken on holiday - what a hardship for them…

Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 19/10/2025 10:43

rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 10:38

Thinking about it, we went on holiday July 2023, just a couple of weeks before my due date. We went to Devon which is a good four hours drive and on the way there ds (then two and a half) was fine, he slept, listened to his Tonie box, had snacks, drinks and rest stops. The way back was a different story! DH stopped for fuel after about an hour and it woke him and he was furious. We stopped and got him lunch and after that could not get him back in the car seat despite frantic attempts. Ended up putting Mr Tumble on the phone and drove back with him watching that and eating crisps. Not the parent I thought I’d be, but the parent I had to be in that moment!

@rainbowshoes solidarity!! You got through it X

OP posts:
MrsKeats · 19/10/2025 10:43

Yes they do. And? Having a kid in year 6 when you are 57 will have consequences. That’s just maths. That’s my opinion.

Autisticburnouthell · 19/10/2025 10:42

OP you’ve had couple but not many judgy comments at all on this thread considering it Aibu board but most of your replies are combatative. I’m wondering if reading this thread is helpful for you at the moment or if its better to step away from in for now and post on sen parenting and/or relationships when you’re back from holiday.

Cherrytree86 · 19/10/2025 10:41

MrsKeats · 19/10/2025 10:38

Deprive themselves? Having children is not a right. Did I say that? I said this is the likely result. It’s really not that hard.

@MrsKeats

some people want to have a life before they have kids! Work on their career, go travelling, etc etc.

Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 19/10/2025 10:40

rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 10:23

Ha - my DH leaves that to me. I’m surprised that the OP has got so much hate for that. If I’m packing a suitcase for me why wouldn’t I put DHs pants, socks, jeans etc in? I don’t see that as incompetence, it’s just that in a relationship you do things for one another.

At any rate, I was thinking about this thread this morning. I do think a lot of the problems stem from trying to force the DS to sit / stay rather than making sitting an attractive option. High chairs are not for children who are nearly four; they just aren’t, and I’m not surprised he wouldn’t sit in it.

I know tablets and so on aren’t great and I don’t use them myself but to be honest we have only recently started to venture into the world of restaurants and eating out again and we’re a year ‘ahead’ of the OP. (DD is a bit more chill than my DS was at 2!) But I would use a tablet or phone to remove the conflict and shouting. It just makes life easier.

The Ops DS may have ADHD; it isn’t for any of us to say. Just be cautious and don’t make assumptions (on both counts) don’t assume he hasn’t but also don’t assume he has. Both are potentially damaging.

Indeed @rainbowshoes

I pack! He drives everywhere as I am shit at driving. It’s give and take.

Tbh the high chair thing was how I wrote it! He hasn’t used a high chair since early 2 - it was just one of the tactics we’ve tried of the years to keep him still and safe! He hates reigns too and will just lay on ground. Since his sisters come along he’s happier to go in buggy now and again as he sees her in it and thinks ‘ohhhh I can be pushed around too’. It certainly helps on the childminder run in the double buggy! I don’t see all the hate for a 3 year old going in a buggy. Two kids at this age and it’s hard yards going from A-b

OP posts:
rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 10:40

Having children is not a right invariably people who have no real problems conceiving come out with things like that.

Cherrytree86 · 19/10/2025 10:38

MooDengOfThailand · 18/10/2025 23:35

Sounds like your DH has ADHD too.

@MooDengOfThailand

what are your qualifications to makes these statements about Op‘s son and husband?

rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 10:38

Cherrytree86 · 19/10/2025 10:36

@MrsKeats

some people don’t want to have kids in the twenties or thirties, they aren’t ready. And some people can’t have them in their twenties or thirties for a variety of reasons. Are you saying that these people should deprive themselves of being a parent when they reach a position for parenthood?

Show quote history

That is what some people believe yes. Thankfully they are both stupid and dull and as such best ignored.