Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

Hi op.
Iv 3 adhd boys and your story sounds familiar.
I spent years finding safe enclosed areas as they were runners. We did one holiday and never did another abroad. No holiday scheme could cope with eldest.
He always had to wear reigns or be in a buggy. He didnt like it but it was too. dangerous otherwise.
Just accept one of you will need to be on duty constantly supervising him.
Mine loved the pool so spent hours playing in the pool. We walked lots. Played football etc

I agree. And I’m an older parent myself.
It’s not always the case that older parents are more patient and tolerant as is often touted in here to people asking about having a baby aged 40 plus. I think it can be the opposite because you are older, tireder and crankier. I also say that as someone fit and healthy for their age.
And you definitely don’t have as much energy etc at 40 plus as you do at 20 or 30.
We only really go away for a few days at a time with our young daughter - I often find it more relaxing at home overall!

I have to disagree, we've done both kinds of holiday and all inclusive by far better for young families. No cooking, no tidying, snacks and ice cream on tap, entertainment is sorted.

UK caravan and self catering are bloody hard work with the driving, the cooking, the unreliable weather. Don't get me wrong we've had some lovely UK holidays too but they're not as relaxing as a pool holiday where everything is done for you - except parenting, that bit is always the same!

This is a bit of unfair comment, the children are here now she can't put them back. It wouldn't be my choice either, my children will be in their 20s when in op's age. I couldn't imagine it, but everyone deserves a holiday. Perhaps it's easier to tailor a holiday around kids/family needs when you've never experienced a child free break (like dp and I).

I’ve got a 5 year old DS who we suspect has ADHD and have taken him all around the world including backpacking around SE Asia. I do remember age 3 being the hardest year for holidays tbh! However we tend to do apartment style holidays rather than all inclusive - it’s just way too hectic for a young ND child, that way we’d have the choice to go out and eat at restaurants if we wanted or if we were having a rough day we’d order in/cook. But just because you’re struggling with a 3 year old now (the hardest age imo!) it doesn’t mean all of your holidays will be like this.

You need to plan holidays for small kids completely around the kids - in this case your 3 year old (who is 100% too young for a hotel kids club). One of you needs to be focused on entertaining him at all times while the other is with the baby - including at meal times. Feed loads of snacks, ice cream etc. (very convenient at all inclusive). Lower your expectations - grab a croissant and a banana and let him eat bites of breakfast while running around on the grass or somewhere.

Holidays are absolutely worth it with young kids. I’ve always loved holidays with mine.

I did note the ages and think the same @Hellvellyn - it’s knackering dealing with toddlers at the best of times. I’m sure op has reasons for having dc later in life as much as I had reasons for having mine earlier, neither is better or worse or at least both have their pros and cons. But this was a massive con for us having any more kids and decided we were done when we were as we didn’t want to be having holidays in our 40’s with small kids.

Op when we had small ones we did find SC/villa type holidays to be very ‘easy’ for want of a better word. Go out to eat when we want on our terms, no risk of disturbing anyone else’s holiday and we just planned our day around them making sure dh and I found some enjoyment too.

Holidays with young kids can be a situation of same shit different view - lower your expectations and follow their lead. Tag team spending time with each kid too.

This kind of holiday isn't for a 3 yo.

Next time do a caravan or a cottage selfcatering.
We have had wonderful and great holidays with our 3 children but I have never been brave enough to one of these hotel holidays with kids club.

Your husband is nearly 50. I also can think of nothing worse than being on holiday with babies or toddlers at nearly 50. We thoroughly enjoyed our holidays with our young children but had the energy to keep up with them. But you must have thought about this when deciding to have children at your age?

"Three is old enough to understand you sit and eat nicely when out."

Except this child is suspected to have adhd. He's more than likely incapable of it, even if he does understand the expectation.

It would be a tall order for a neurotypical child let alone one with ADHD who developmentally is probably behind his peers.

But i do agree screens with headphones are likely to increase his chances of being able to sit at the table.

Sounds like a nightmare! I love family holidays and have such happy memories or them, but my kids have never behaved as you have described. Of course they have their moments, we divide an conquer to make it work when it does kick off.

Three is old enough to understand you sit and eat nicely when out. Use a tablet and headphones if you need to (I'm not a fan but for the sake of yourselves and other guests sanity just do it).

We alway pick family friendly hotels but we don't use kids club, my kids didn't enjoy it and would much rather be by the pool with us. Get a mini routine going, tire them out by the pool in the morning, lunch then you can get some relaxing time in the afternoon while they nap. Then walk into town for snacks, drinks, ice creams, more pool time, back for showers and get ready for early dinner while it's quieter. Mini disco and then bed for them while you and DH enjoy drinks on the balcony.

Why are you packing for your husband? Is he the third child in this scenario?

What did you think shouting at your overstimulated, very young child was going to achieve? Your expectations of him are completely unrealistic and when he obviously can't do it, you're shouting at him and your husband is being super dramatic. Please tell me that you actually let your son eat before bed if he was crying for 20 minutes? Not letting him eat because he isn't capable of sitting in a restaurant like a neurotypical child seems pretty cruel. Hopefully that isn't what happened because that's how it read.

I have ND children, i know what it's like. So we don't bother with things like holiday clubs because they can't cope with it. We self cater, or we would ask for a doggy bag for the food and take it back to the apartment/room if he wouldn't sit still. Shouting at a child with ADHD won't do shit. Letting him move as his body is telling him to, will. It will help him regulate himself and tire him out. If there are any playgrounds around take him there.

Both of you need to chill out. So your son is energetic. You're going to have to get used to that if he's ADHD and learn how to cope with it because if your husband is being so dramatic about it now, he's not going to last long on this 18+ year parenting journey. You're going to have to let go of the idea of a "normal" life where you can do "normal" things like drop your children off at kids club and then have a few hours on your own. The sooner you can get your head around that, the easier your life will be because then you can start to come up with ways to manage it. Your life will be different and that's a hard pill to swallow but it's not your son's fault.

For now, take turns playing with your son, the other parent gets to relax while the baby naps. Additional needs or not, expecting to have a relaxing and restful holiday with a 3 year old and a baby is madness. Adjust your expectations and next year, think really hard before you book your holiday about what would make it easier -staying in the UK, self catering, rent an apartment or villa etc. and instead of punishing your son, help him to get the energy out in safe and fun ways.

And stop packing for the useless man child!

Get him in the pool with DH or running around after a frisbee on the beach - basically wear him out. Is there a fridge in the room so you can store some food for him? Buy a plastic plate and a few pieces of cutlery if necessary and feed him the room? You might need to tag team eating in the restaurant.

In future go on a caravan site near a beach with a good kids’ pool. Kids go to bed and then you sit on the decking. Done sites we went to had takeaway roast chickens and chips and pizzas etc so self catering was easy.

I had the sort of xh whose reaction to this sort of thing became another stress to "manage" and I definitely agree with those saying divide and conquer rather than attempting to do things together and it not working while a manbaby seethes next to you.

However., when I finally became a single parent and took kid solo on an AI holiday I did learn that AI and kids' clubs weren't the dream for us that they were for some families. Kid refused to be put down in AI and I had to carry him and individual plates of food around the buffet. I didn't try to put kid in kids' club as no point as he wouldn't be put down in buffet. Etc. If we holiday again I'll self cater as it'll actually be less stressful.

Holidays with DS1 were like this for first few days until we got into a bit of a routine. We didn’t know until he started school but he has ASD & ADHD. At nursery he was just described as “boisterous”. It’s totally normal for a 3 year old to be super energetic of course but all the running away/escaping you mention really takes me back in my own memories.

Tbh I dont feel it is worth it. Also think under 5s struggle massively with holiday childcare

No, I don't think holidays of this sort are compatible with children that young, unless you maybe only have one and they are of a really chill temperament. I didn't take my twins on these sorts of holidays until they were six years old. Neither would have sat in a restaurant or in a push chair or stayed in a kids club. The most we did was 3-4 days at Center Parcs.

As much as you don't want to hear that your partner isn't a problem - he is. Why are you packing for him? Why isn't he packing for the kids too? The holiday and the DC are only a problem to the extent of it being being normal that kids are high energy and crap sleepers – your partner is the one that could be making it better, but he isn't. Sorry, but you sound like a classic skivvy.

You and/or probably need to be taking DS and wearing him out. Lots of swimming, running around outside, exploring all that kind of thing.
Also agree that self catering is usually more relaxing at that age - you have a lot more control.

Personally I don't think it's worth it, no

I think your DCs are just too young for this kind of holiday. You’re expecting your 3 year old with potential ADHD to go in childcare he is unfamiliar with, with unfamiliar staff and kids, something that even some older, NT kids struggle with, and then expecting him and you’re 11 month old to sit at a restaurant for dinner. I’d get the holiday towards the kids for the rest of the holiday. What are some fun things outside the hotel you could take them to, days out at the beach building sand castles and getting ice cream, splash parks, wildlife park, play parks. Don’t send him to holiday childcare until he’s older and ready for it. For future holidays book a kids holiday like Bluestone or a holiday park until a bit older.

I think holidays have to look different with kids that young and yes there are definitely times it’s not worth it.

A lot to be said for you and Dh going away for a night or two or three (and the baby if breastfeeding, or do it after you stop bf) while ds stays in his own home with his grandparents. Simplest of all if you go to your parents house, just swap, or if you have the money go for a hotel break on your own.

If DS finds busy environments difficult - don’t go to them. Tbh he really does sound too young and too ‘extra’ for kids club and the behaviour required for restaurants - I know some kids like it but an awful lot don’t. Go self catering, though beware of houses that also aren’t set up for kids, somewhere you can all do something active and go outside a lot without breaking stuff. I know it’s not for everyone esp with a baby as well, but we genuinely found camping much more relaxing at this age at the right site. We all went to bed around 9/10 and slept pretty well, handed out chips and sandwiches and kicked a ball around, went to the beach.

You might have to revise your idea of what constitutes a break.

It can be a break from cooking, from cleaning etc but not a relax by the pool type break. Get out, walk for miles, dd can sleep in the pushchair / carrier and ds can wear himself out.

Get snacks from a supermarket for while he is waiting for food, or one of you goes 15 minutes earlier to order it.

We went to Majorca at a similar age and there was another couple with a beautifully behaved toddler. By the end of the week she was copying dd's messing around and they looked frazzled 😂

With the food, can one of you go and order for ds first (they can take dd) then the other bring DS once his food is ready so you can all sit and eat together?

For your back - plenty of regular painkillers - as much as you’re allowed when bf. Is there a spa? Book a gentle massage if there is.

kids club have a duty to keep the kids in their care safe - have a very firm word about this.

once it’s the kids’ bedtimes make sure you and your DH have got a couple of drink each to take to the room and put your feet up once they’re asleep (assuming you’ve got separate bedrooms?). Stick to your normal routine as much as you can.

DH needs to accept that holidaying with 2 young kids is not relaxing. We always went to a villa for this reason where we could eat and relax easily onset kids were asleep and there were no other people judging our parenting!

Hope it improves as everyone gets used to being away @Welshinlondonmum xx

Can you come home early? If not give up the idea that this is a break and plan for reality.
You split the day, one adult gets a lie in, the other does early breakfast and pool and swap the next day. Book a spa session for an hours off and DH has one too (or whatever he fancies).
Holidays aren't Holidays for a other 8 or 9 years. Its just inconvenient childcare away from home comforts.

Depends on the child. To take my DS anywhere was a mission. My two DDs were so much easier.