Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

Have you ever been on holiday with children ? Certain things change , you prepare before you go , you pick suitable places etc .
I am always a bit shocked with posts like this as I was a single mum for 14 years including yo a very autistic child and we traveled the world and I’m yet to say , it’s not worth it to go on holiday with the kids . As a example my now much older autistic child doesn’t like noise from others so the last few years we picked private villas instead of hotels . I e don’t ouvi places with balconies as my 3 year old is not to be trusted around heights etc .
If this is your first holiday with little ones then don’t give up just adjust

It gets better! Hang in there. Stop packing for your husband and think about yourself a bit.
Holidays with young children are not as fun as social media makes out. Hugs to you x

You've already had 8 holidays in 3/4 years along these lines?! Maybe just wait a bit until he's school aged for the next one and do self catering.

I took my 2 1/3 and 4 year old to an all inclusive and the buffet was a totalll nightmare. Every meal without fail. Then I resigned myself to tablet.

Will your DS sit with a tablet or phone play if a longish programe?

My DS also gets manic in overstimulating places. Are there quiet beaches, forests or anything similar? I’d probably raid the breakfast buffet (maybe buy some Tupperware) for a decent packed lunch and take a day trip somewhere quiet two days in a row and see how that goes.

Good luck!

This is why I refuse to travel abroad with my two young children - I just know I will struggle! (I applaud you for doing it though)

If it were me, I’d accept the situation and plan to do activities separately (divide and conquer) for a few hours of the day to ensure both kids needs are met eg husband take the older child to the kids club and you just focus on youngest. You can then arrange to meet for lunch or an early dinner - this will hopefully the stop animosity building between you both

This, frankly.

They do say sometimes that a holiday is just parenting without any of your home comforts, handy familiarity and routine. It's a long holiday you've booked too, I would say the only thing to do is reframe it not as relax or chill time but a family holiday, or you'll both be feeling more stressed and foiled by your kids age appropriate behaviour as somehow blocking your good times.

When they're both a bit older then those breaks will come, just not yet unfortunately.

This isn’t much help to you now but we find self catering more of a relaxing holiday with young kids, even though you then of course have to do food shopping / cooking etc still. We had 11 nights away this summer which was the longest we’ve done so far and we found it the most relaxing yet albeit nowhere near as relaxing as pre kids.

Try to focus on some of the positives of being on holiday, take it in turns who has to be with the eldest and who gets to chill with the baby, take him in the pool loads to tire him out, maybe look at acitivities away from the hotel. Basically accept you’re going to be on the go a lot more than you would have been pre kids and try to create some nice memories then look forward to returning home for a rest! When all else fails do you have an iPad for him that he could watch while the baby naps, I know people on MN will look down on this but honestly holidays are the best use of screen time I find.

PS older parents, husband 40 for the eldest, second child for me at 40. Parental age irrelevant, just child focussed, blessed with two often horrible brats, but both grown ups

Holidays with kids totally not worth it imo. Well, certain kids. Some people seem to love it but they don’t have my kids! Now they are great at 7 and 9 but at your stage it was horrible. I remember taking DD1 to Gozo when she was 8mo and had just started to crawl. She was a horrendous sleeper and for some inexplicable reason I booked self catering. So basically moved a mobile baby to a totally non baby proofed environment, where I still had to cook while trying to stop her killing herself every 5 min. Plus even less sleep than at home. It was certainly a baptism of fire as a parent. Then an AI in turkey a few yrs ago when we felt able to try again…I got the pukes and spent rest of hol waiting for the rest of them to get it…

Good luck op. I agree with the previous suggestion of tag teaming for a bit of peace and low expectations- holidays as you know it never the same again really.

Husband about to to have a heart attack..get on with it but don't bother me! What a useless parent.

I feel (hopefully you don't mind me pointing out) that you and DH are older parents. You've both had 20+ years of adulting, holidaying without children/responsibilities. It's going to take some time to adjust to this new normal.

I found our first holiday a shock as a family and I had my first at 21! Now we enjoy our holidays for what they are (DC 7 and 2). They aren't relaxing, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel in regards to DS7.

You'll get there... embrace the crazy if you can and be kind to yourself whilst adjusting. It's all normal.

All of this.

If your child is ND you’re completely over stimulating and deregulating him by expecting him to settle into kids clubs with strangers. Absolute madness.

Same with foods - go to the supermarket, get some really simple and recognisable foods you know he will eat and stick to those. We have had many holidays where Ds now aged 13 would only eat chips and bread in the hotel room (autism).

You have to completely change your expectations.

Have faith that you will all settle into the holiday OP, you just need to find your holiday routines.
We took DS away to an AI when he was 2 and I found the first few days difficult, DH said I was being a killjoy, that didn’t help 😆. The food timings weren’t great so we fed him at the snack bar at 4/5pm and let him watch Peppa pig whilst we ate our evening meal. Prior to becoming a parent I vowed I would NEVER do this, but needs must and I now never judge! The other thing we did was took it in turns to go up to the room on an afternoon whilst he napped. Can the parent waiting outside kids club lie on a lounger reading a book? The beach is also great entertainment, especially if you have some little cars and can make a little road.
I promise you will find moments of joy and relax into your hols. Everyone’s always uptight after travelling and being in new surroundings x

What is it about this holiday that has made him worse? If you have taken his 7 times before why is he acting up now?
Don't do kid's club OP. He is too young to get anything out of it. Do things as a family.

Oh we have the same son. Mine is now 6. 1-5 there was no point in going anywhere but a large forest with no one else there so he could run like a wild thing. We think he has ADHD. He has settled a bit but needs to always be moving and climbing.

Oh gosh OP, I absolutely love hotels and have been going to them since younger DD was 1 and older DD was 3 (we don’t do villas as I can’t face cooking or cleaning while on holiday). We are lucky, however, that our DDs aren’t escapers. This must make it much, much harder. Could you or DH take DS out on a walk until his food is ready?

Does your DS like the pool? While my DDs (now 7 and 4.5) don’t run off, they both have high energy levels, so anywhere with a pool is a godsend! They can also spend a very long time at the beach playing in the sand. When younger DD still napped, we would walk to the beach with her in the buggy so she’d fall asleep on the way. Older DD would then play while younger DD slept (bigger beaches often have wooden ramps to push buggies down onto the beach).

Are there any play parks nearby? We tend to book hotels with a kids’ playground in them, but most tourist spots have play parks somewhere. My DDs also love hotel mini discos. Great for tiring them out in the evenings!

Oh gosh what a holiday!
I loved holidays with mine but we were a lot younger and so it was much easier. I had a runner, a clinger and an easy one. I stayed with them a lot in hotels on my own when oh was working. I could not have coped with a hotel where he could open the door. I think barricading is the only option.

I have never used a kids club but is that normal that the children can get out? If a child can get out an adult can get in. I would have to stay in there with them. Would it be less stressful to entertain him yourself? Is there a beach? Mine all loved digging. Or maybe a children’s park?

Sorry about your back. That is awful. Will a nice hot bath help? Even a little?

i understand why you both shouted but that is never going to help. Children who are shouted at usually exhibit bad behaviour.

if you ring reception before you go down to eat most hotels will let the chef know what the little one will eat and they will have it ready for you when you arrive.

Maybe you can work through some strategies before you go away next time?
Make a list
Get everything out and packed the week before, if you still need items of clothing make another list to remind you to pack.
Find some activities to take that your children enjoy
Split time with your husband so you both get an hour on your own.
I can’t get over the bikini wax. Why in all this stress was that a priority? I feel sure no one would be looking at your pubic hair and if you thought they might then taking shave foam and a razor would have been quicker.

i do think you need to work through the things that have been issues as without strategies they might get worse, with simple changes you can have wonderful family time

And I thoroughly recommend holidaying at home for a few years. Spend the money on day time activities, babysitters and adult meals out. Especially if you both work FT. The holiday for your kids will be spending time with you.

Did you bring the reins with you? If so, use them. DD went through this phase around this age but found them humiliating enough to call it a day on the sprints.. It was the only way to make her stop doing it when I couldn't chase after and abandon a pushchair with a newborn in it.

If funds permit, book a sitter if even for a few hours to take your son off to do an activity on a 1:1 basis while the baby naps. You will both be in a better place for it. The kids club staff may have some spare hours for cash?

If you can, download some super chilled stuff that he can watch for 10-15 mins while you finish a meal and nail a large glass of wine. I recommend Sarah and Duck, Oliver Jeffers animations of stories, the Gruffalo etc. All very chilled and quiet and won't ramp him up before bedtime.

Do you have somewhere to sit in your room, can you take a couple of drinks back there and sit and chill on the balcony with the door to the hall firmly locked?

It sounds to me like this is also a good opportunity to wean the baby off you in the clingy sense. She can spend time with her father, perhaps have the occasional bottle [you can still dream feed later] and you are probably more patient with DS so could take him for a bit of a wander after dinner.

Lastly, how is he with sand? Kids that age can usually be endlessly amused with sandcastles and building stuff? If you are all up at the crack of dawn anyway, an active morning, lunch and then a nap for everyone even if you have to strap him into a buggy or go back to the room might make him less overtired for a late restaurant meal?

Bless you! This really brought back memories for me! My son is five and has just been referred for an ADHD assessment. I can vividly remember the holiday that he kept running away when he was three. We had him on reins a lot and had him in a high chair so I feel your pain. At one point, he escaped under a fence next to the stage area next to the kids mini disco.
I think (in the nicest possible way) I would agree with earlier comments that unfortunately you might have to manage your expectations here. I remember hoping for a relaxing time too, but it just doesn't happen and you end up feeling frustrated.
Practical advice for right now would be:

1. Don't bother with the kids club - I don't think I would trust them much anyway after an escape attempt.
2. Get some breakfast snacks from the local shop for your room and feed your son there instead of the restaurant. Your husband and yourself could nip down to the buffet individually and enjoy a peaceful breakfast and a time out. Yes - my husband and I have done this!
3. Lunch - most all inclusive places have a cafe style option. I'd get food from there and eat on the sun loungers. If your son has a tablet - I'd use it and worry about screen time later.
4. Evening meals are trickier, if you can't manage the restaurant (I found the times they start food are too late for a three year old), I'd feed him earlier from the bar/ cafe and put him to bed at the usual time you would at home. Then - your partner and yourself can solo dine. Not ideal, I realise, but honestly it does help! You really do have to sacrifice the idea of a cocktail in the bar.
5. Change your expectations from lying on the lounger and relaxing, to doing family things. Take turns with your son in the pool, go to the beach, see if there are any aquariums/ zoos etc nearby. Book an afternoon at the spa when you get home and could be child free.
6. Also - I'd not bother with the pushchair- he is quite old and it'll frustrate things further. We stumbled on a trick for our boy where we made a game of actually allowing him to run. He had to run to a certain place e.g. lamppost, then run back. Or the game red light, green light. Giving him freedom within boundaries did help a lot.

Your mistake calling this a break, holidays with small are just childcare in another location. Your better off getting an su pair at home.
My 3 were a nightmare too, it gets better from ages of 8 and 10.
Your dp has to accept it.