Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

I disagree with a lot of people saying these type of holidays are conpletely unsuitable for young children. You just have to adapt your expectations, it will never be like a child free holiday, but it doesn't mean it can't be enjoyable and fun. You can't expect to lie down and relax on a lounger all day, you need to keep your child entertained, play with them in the pool, go for walks, a day trip out etc.

OP was my son was a runner, it peaked at age 3-4. He would always run off from me in the supermarkets, shopping was a complete no go. I know it can be stressful, but you will have to take it in turns who is watching him all the time. Rather than kids club which isnt working , take turns playing with him in the pool, go and explore the area together, let him have some downtime with a screen if needed, or even during a meal if it will get him to eat.

My son is 6 now, he still loves to run but he knows he can't run out of site now and we give him opportunities to run, like junior park run. I suspect my son is ND too

I haven’t read any of the comments so apologies if other people have already said this…if you can definitely try the “right to choose” option for your DS, it is so much quicker but please keep in mind that the route will still be long! I was finally diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 32, so if you do think that your DS could potentially have ADHD, please ignore those people who say “oh it’s all normal” or “don’t label them this young”. It’s not about labelling or anything like that, it’s about ensuring your baby boy has all the support he could need whilst going through life, especially at school. My life would have been so much easier if I had been diagnosed as a kid. I have two DSs, one is 2 next month and one is 9 weeks old, I am pretty sure my 23 month old has ADHD, like me, he runs off all the time, can’t sit still, has no attention span, which yes are all typical toddler behaviour, but he also stims just like I do, he can hyperfocus on things he is really interested in, and is generally like the typical “ADHD” little boy. We will be asking for a referral when he is older, not because we want him to have ADHD, but to give him the support he might need if he does have it. It doesn’t have to be a label. One thing we have done to get my DS to eat at lunchtimes is put his food in a “snackle” box as he won’t sit down properly to eat but will eat out of his box! I hope your holiday gets a bit easier and you get to relax somewhat!

You’re right they are a nightmare even with NT kids and it does sound like potentially a ND diagnosis. Don’t wait until school - ignore your doctor - you have a right to choose! The waiting lists are astronomical so will end up being when he’s well into school life anyway and accommodations can be made before he starts. Or go get a private one. As a teacher. Is see so many children failed with support waiting diagnoses. Please just get it done.

Bless you. This sounds awful and I understand as I've just had a holiday to Tunisia with 4 children, on my own and the youngest is 3 who soooo annoying and doesn't listen, screams NO at everything, won't stay in a high chair, constantly wants to be running around, jumping off things. It's hard but you're there now and there's 2 of you so you have to work as a tag team to get any sort of enjoyment out of your holiday.

I'd suggest agree a rota with DP. It doesn't matter if he feels like he can't cope, he needs to cope, these are his children. He takes both kids for an hour to give you some relaxation time even if that means keeping them in the room with him
You go sunbathing/Spa or whatever it is you need to rewind. Take turns and do this throughout your stay when you can.
Other times trap the kids in the pram and give them a phone with YouTube kids or something to keep them happy so they stay in there and be quiet. It's not ideal but if it gives you some peace it's worth it.

Also take food/snacks out of the restaurant for later so when he's hungry, there's something to eat. My all inclusive had a policy of no food taken out of the restaurant but I did it anyway as my youngest would get hungry later and there would be nothing to eat then

I understand the shock as I actually think holidays are one of the things that are so jarringly different after kids that it does take time to adjust. You’ve been a family of four for less than a year and are still adjusting to THAT let alone a new, unfamiliar environment.

what also jumped out though is that you’re only on day 2 or 3 - I actually think that’s the worst bit. Still tired from travel and organising, and the kids are adjusting to a new place. I think it’s definitely possible you’ll get some relaxing time and nice memories from this trip, but I would totally drop your expectations of what that would look like. Your oldest is going to run around and you’ll have to watch him like a hawk - that won’t change. Take shifts with it - being with a baby who doenst move yet is probably the easier option here so take turns! Don’t stress about dinner time - just go there, eat, feed kids, leave. Have a glass of wine in your room or on the balcony afterwards. Or Let the toddler watch an iPad so you all eat?

above all, this WILL get easier. My kids are now 13 and 9 and I’m now a single parent. I took them on holiday just the 3 of us this year and it actually was relaxing (ish - I’m not saying it was like a solo spa trip haha). And one of them is ND! I tend to be very lead by her and what she can cope with - that’s the starting point that makes everything else easier. Good luck x

By this logic, why have kids at all if you're going to palm them off onto any sort of childcare?

I agree. To us, the idea of kids clubs was awful. Why go on holiday only to palm your kids off on strangers?

Not to be harsh but who goes on holiday and expects a baby sitter (ie the kids club) parent your child. Soon so many the kids will diagnosed ADHD, a diagnosis will mean nothing! He needs parenting, it’s hard going with kids that age. That’s the truth, that’s the reality. There is no short cut.

OP you are not alone in this. It is hard. I just came back from an all
i inclusive holiday. My son is the exact same! I feel that there is so much hussle and hussle in all inc. your rushing to breakfast the. Pool then lunch then something else then dinner. And disco etc. what I learnt to do was grab some
food from breakfast that he could eat when he was sitting by the pool having a minute. ( croissant, fruit, bread and
cheese) Often we skipped lunch as we had enough food. It saved on the whole rushing around which I find was overwhelming for my little one and me
too!
It’s nonstop and very draining. However the best part of the holiday for me was, no cooking cleaning and food shopping for a whole week! And of course a bit of winter sun.

Not that simple with neurodiverse kids. At that age my son could be active all day including a hike and still be bouncing off the walls at bedtime and take hours to go to sleep. Disgnosed asd at 4 and on the list for ADHD assessment too.

What he like sitting still in restaurants at home? Does he try and escape all the time at home? I suspect he’s just really excited. The trick is lots of exercise to wear them out and they fall asleep in the evening

I think this is true. More recent research suggests older dad's are more likely to have children who are ND.

Yet many, many parents who are younger than average have ND children. And we don’t even know if the OPs DS is.

@BerryTwister

@BerryTwister

“I know I’ll be slated for saying this, but as older parents you’ve had years and years of lovely relaxing holidays pre kids. Now you’ve got a few years of just sucking up the stress! I’m an older parent too by the way.”

don’t get this… it’s like saying ‘oh you’re had 38 years of weekends - you don’t need anymore now”. you can’t just bank previous holidays from your late twenties or whatever and expect them to sustain you in the here and now of shitty non-holidays which are all about the kids to the exclusion of everyone and anything else!

OF COURSE a family holiday should mean that EVERYONE gets to enjoy themselves not just the kids ..you could argue it’s even more important for the adults seeing as they.are the ones that need the relaxation after working all year to support the family

Age is completely irrelevant

It’s really not, there’s a greater chance of older parents having ND children

It's too late for this holiday but ds was a climber as a toddler and I spent hours looking for a suitable holiday apartment. I found one with an 8 foot wall around the back veranda/garden, it was totally secure. So worth it as we could relax then. We wouldn't have had a moments peace otherwise.

If I were you,I would take hotel holidays,especially abroad, out of the equation. Get a nice self catering cottage in Scotland or Wales .That way you can drive there at your leisure and your wee boy won't be as overstimulated! Maybe somewhere with lots of walking/running. Streams for paddling. Hills for climbing . Offer picnics, rather than sit down lunches and breakfasts. Your little lad has a shed load of energy . He needs to have a chance to burn that off. Tell your man if he doesn't pack his own clothes hes going Au natural ! Baby is getting a bit bigger now. Would you not consider cutting some of her breast feeds. Maybe just to bedtime and early morning! Just to give you a wee break. You seem a bit overwhelmed! Perhaps even just stay home and have lovely days out. Take care.

Some of these comments are so sad and so negative.
We are older parents (47 and 49) with a 7 and 4yr old and we're certainly not knackered or past it.
And all the people who don't find their children enjoyable, who find foreign travel pointless with them or expect a holiday lying on a sun lounger while the kids get sent to a kids club.

Our 2 have been holidaying abroad since 7mths old, they've enjoyed beach holidays, city breaks, theme park centered trips, long haul, and even 2.5wks backpacking round Europe on an Interrailing trip a couple of months ago. We absolutely love it, it's our favourite thing to do and certainly exploring the world could never be described as pointless.

OP i hope things improve for you, our only trip we found tricky was a Europe pool holiday at a certain age when the littlest was a runner, we just abandoned the pool and found a long flat beach where she was safer. You do have to arrange the holiday around them, we find holidays with lots of activities and things to do to be the best for those ages. Aquariums, zoos, theme parks, and definitely abroad so the unpredictable UK weather can't scupper you.

You haven’t upset me. Ignorance doesn’t particularly bother me as it’s a reflection on you, not me.

I’m not struggling to understand what you’re saying. You said as older parents you’ve had years and years of lovely relaxing holidays pre kids

Do not patronise me and make out my poor comprehension skills are the issue here. If you meant something entirely different to what you said above, by all means, tell me. In the meantime I’ll assume you meant that older parents had years and years of lovely relaxing holidays pre kids, since that is what you said

I haven’t rtwt but, is your kid like this at home? It sounds to be like he’s usually allowed to faff at dinner time and run around etc? The issue here isn’t the holiday or the hotel, it’s the behaviour. I always took my kids on holiday and it was never like you describe. What consequences are there for him when he’s run away from kids club etc? Why does he think it’s acceptable?

DS was similar at that age. We accepted that those sort holidays just weren't going to feature in our lives for several years. You can't sit down and relax together and then just resent it. We go on outdoorsy holidays and walk. We just keep DS moving and all is well 🤷‍♀️ just is how it is.

The only other option was constant tag teaming so one of you could chill and I never really enjoyed that as the whole point was being together as a family, we do enough of that getting through a normal week.

I do think you have to manage your expectations as a good holiday / day out / family meal looks very different with young children.

I agree you have a DP problem. The fact you even packed for him makes me think that’s he’s use to you managing everything and he just get to dip in / out when he feels like it.

What can you do to make your holiday more enjoyable for the remainder of your time? Take it in turns to get breakfast or one goes in and orders and the other joins when DS when it’s ready. Is there a quieter time you can eat? Do you have colouring in, cards for snap or similar you can occupy him with. Can you allocate time together and then time each with DS for a mixture of everything?

@rainbowshoes I’m sorry I’ve upset you and I’m sorry you’re struggling to understand what I’m saying. I won’t post on this thread again, so you can have fun slagging me off without worrying I’ll come back. Enjoy!

There are a few miserable gits on this thread. I can only imagine their headspace to feel the need to be so negative and bitchy on a thread looking for help. Probably mad jealous that you are on holiday.

You and your DH sound like lovely parents, who were stressed out after a scary event and a generally very stressful time. It can be hard to think on your feet at such times.

on the other hand, the kind and useful posts reflect mumsnet at its best. Collective wisdom and experience to come up with practical solutions.

Our kids are 3.5 and 2, they are not half as complicated as your son, and my husband and I came back from our last holiday absolutely knackered! I'm already dreading the Christmas break away with family...

Unfortunately I think it's just a difficult age, and hopefully it will pass. I don't have advice regarding your son's behaviour because these aren't issues we are having.

But for things like restaurants - we would only go and eat out once or twice throughout the holiday. It's too busy, too many distractions, too many temptations for them to run around... We prefer self-catering places, and sandwiches/picnic type meals for lunch.

The holiday club - is it really going to work out if one of you is there? My children have no issue going to nursery every day, but would go nuts if we tried to put them in holiday clubs in a setting they are not familiar with. If we're there, then they would cling to us anyway...

Is there anything else you could do with him instead? It's going to be quite repetitive after a few days.

I think you need to have low expectations and try to make things as easy as possible for you, and them.