Are we wrong for not inviting my MIL and SIL to our micro wedding ceremony?

I would cry for days if my DS chose anyone except me in this scenario. I’m not surprised your MIL is distraught

I think you’re a bit mad about this, to be honest. You might not like them, but they should be there if your mum and sister are there. If the cheaper room is too small, then just have two council workers as witnesses (strangers), no-one else there, and have everyone to the party afterwards, equally. You are storing up big trouble later by deliberately poking a stick at them.

Why on earth should OP not have her mother there just because the new MIL doesn’t have a good relationship with her own child?

Is anyone saying her mum shouldn't be there? If so, I missed those posts. What I see people saying, is that both mums should be there.

In OP's position, I'd be suggesting that they invite both mums and the aunt.
But before OP started drip feeding info that would bring people on side, she clearly had no intention of even thinking of inviting MIL, or considering what the fall out would be.

That’s appalling

It’s up to OP’s DP if he wants his mother there and up to OP if she has hers present. It never ceases to amaze me that people can’t seem to empathise - can people not understand that when your mother treats you like a piece of shit when you’re growing up, it’s worse than a stranger doing it? I’m glad for those people who’ve never had to give this a second thought but there’s a LOT of it about and it’s not easy at all. Of course you wish your mother wasn’t that person and of course it’s weird but try to understand that giving birth doesn’t actually make you a good person.

Why on earth should OP not have her mother there just because the new MIL doesn’t have a good relationship with her own child?

If this man was the one posting I'd be telling him to figure his shit out before he gets married. He's either got to find a way to let go of the hurt and forgive his mother or he needs to accept that he can't and go NC. Life is too short to keep someone in your life that you hate so much that you can't help but ruin what should be special events with this drama.

Do you really want your life, getting married, maybe having your own children and celebrating milestones to be ruined by this man's mum drama at every event?

I know, but if that was me I wouldn't agree to it. OP hasn't said why or how long there has been an issue, but sometimes we do need to think through the consequences and have that conversation with our partners. If it's a temporary rift, this is a very permanent action to agree to, which will have a long lasting impact.

It was her partner who chose not to have his mum at the wedding

It depends where she is getting married. Where I live witnesses are not required.

Oh dear, so you say there is history of you being blamed and left out, didn't it occur to you that this would be a massive issue?

I would be so upset if either of my son's did this. I'm sorry, but this is really not going to end well and the day will not be pleasant and possibly the worst start to a marriage. You're starting married life together and his mum and sister are part of that life.

I have read your updates and think it is extremely sad that, rather than making your wedding a source of joy, you have used it to create division and bitterness between your husband and his family, and to bring yet more sadness to an already damaged family.

Inviting your mother and sister and not his was clearly intended as an insult, and a revival of old bitternesses. If you’d wanted to avoid that you could just have had 2 non-related witnesses (and no, I don’t buy the idea that you were unaware you could do that).

I don’t think it is unreasonable so much as spiteful and destructive and sad.

It's always with these kinds of threads that the @OP starts with something really incriminating (unknowingly), then following lots of 'unwanted comments' starts to furnish their appeal with so much more damning information on the other parties side inorder to get the comments they really want.

At the start, @OP prefaced everything with 'We' did this and 'We' did that. Gradually, its changed to this is what DH wanted and it's not OP's doing at all.

However, the OP said, 'The rest of my fiancé’s family have never been particularly close welcoming to me and I WS always excluded during Christmas and other occasions. That’s probably why his MIL wasn’t at the top of my mind when we were choosing witnesses for the wedding ceremony. ' OP has a huge axe to grind here.

Clearly implied it is indeed OP who couldn't be bothered and the feckless DH just went along. Now we've got abuse happening in childhood, estrangement, vodka drinking when MIL was pregnant, the reasons are getting worse and worse to back up why she hasn't been invited. Hasn't said what the SIL has done, though. I'm a firm believer in that the 1st testimony is always closest to the truth.

Eloping seems like the answer!!

When you inflict a wound it is necessary to understand the depth of it. The best and most forgiving person in the world would find this difficult. I’m personally sick of reading it’s my life/kid/choice with no reference to outcomes or feelings. It often sounds as is ops have had a load of bad therapy.

My thought exactly.

And a wedding probably isn't the occasion for your partner to act out his resentment towards his mother.

This is why we are seriously considering eloping and maybe not even telling anyone afterwards!

We're older, both married before, no parents but I've a huge extended family, he has an adult child who prefers not to engage with me but grandchildren he loves dearly. Plus various family around Europe tied to different school holidays. We can't work out how on earth we accommodate everyone so maybe the answer is offend everyone equally as someone else suggested!

This set up sounds like it's going to sour relationships for years.

I can’t believe that for the sake of £150 you’re bothering to have this fall out

This is the aunt that took OP's DH in when his step-father abused him and his mum did nothing to stop the abuse. I would imagine that the aunt's opinion of her sister is pretty low.

It's your decision and the decision of your husband. Those decisions are going to have consequences and it's up to your husband to pick his battles. Inviting an aunt over a mother and sister was most likely going to be controversial but it sounds he had a good reason to prefer his aunt to be there. I'd probably have put my foot down and waited and gone for the bigger ceremony room so everyone could attend both parts. These things cause headaches and often the gain is not worth the pain. But it's your/your husband's call ultimately whether to make a decision that inevitable has consequences.

I think that if your mum and sister are there, his should be too. Its ill-advised to exclude them.

I had just eight, but included parents both sides but not siblings.

I say that as someone who got married with just two witnesses. We carefully choose non family members so that neither family could feel they were specifically excluded

Sorry, it sounds like a very poor decision to have your mum and sister and not his. Mean.

He should be totally free to decide for himself who he invites to his wedding, it seems to be forgotten in weddings it os a grooms wedding too

Every day we see poster's complaining on here about they are sick of the thought load yet we also see examples of poster's involving themselves when they dont need too

How is it possible you can get married in a room with only 3 people ? Don’t you need 2 witnesses? So surely you’ll have you, DH, registrar, 2 witnesses?

I would just invite both Mum’s if you really can’t get a slightly bigger room.