Are we wrong for not inviting my MIL and SIL to our micro wedding ceremony?

You are building up big family trouble for the future

It’s genuinely concerning and if it was the other way people would rightfully be querying coercive control and abuse. She can have hers there but he can’t?

Outrageous you’re having your own mother and sister there and not his. A really bad way to start a marriage and there’s NO reason you can’t have his family there too. It’s a horrible, nasty way to treat your MIl you claim excluded you at Christmas and now you’re not letting her see her own son get married. I hope you have a son one day. You can’t claim it’s because they ‘excluded you’ and then do this. Your husband is a wet wipe for even allowing it. And I can’t think of anyone that should be invited more than his mother. Foul.

It’s your and your partner’s special day, so the guest list should reflect what YOU BOTH want. You can invite as many or as few people as you feel comfortable with, being family or a parent doesn’t automatically guarantee an invitation. Your MIL is entitled to be upset but that’s as far as it goes, you didn’t need to, but did offer an alternative that she declined, she should really let this go now and stop guilt tripping you.

God these men need to grow a backbone.

If I said to my husband “let’s not have your mum to the wedding/to the hospital to see new baby, oh but my mum is coming” he’d tell me I was bang out of order and wouldn’t go along with it.

Look forward 30 years into the future and would you really be happy about being excluded in the same way by your child & future spouse?

Really think about this because you both have caused a massive rift in the family by prioritising one side of the family over the other. Either none or both of the mothers should have been invited but not one over the other.

Even though you've invited her now, it's too late because the damage has been done.

I think people are missing the point that it’s YOUR wedding. Your partner picked his aunt over his mother or sister. Coupled with the fact they constantly exclude you, I can absolutely see why you wouldn’t want them there on your special day. I can imagine since your partner didn’t immediately say he wanted them there, he probably doesn’t like the fact they have done this to you either?

Since they’re kicking up a fuss I would uninvited them to the reception too but maybe I am just petty.

I also think the concept of ‘not being able to wait’ until they could afford a bigger room is ridiculous, considering it is just a month! Maybe if it was a year that you needed to wait to save, you could see why someone would say, let’s just get married now with a smaller budget. But not being able to wait a month??!

Also, OP didn’t respond when I asked how much the outfit and shoes were costing. I suspect this whole issue is less about the money saved, and more about thoughtlessness.

Op Id tell everyone you have cancelled. Then just go and get married with two strangers as witness

You’re being incredibly naive to not think this will have thrown an absolute grenade into the family. Did you really both think his mum would be ok with not being invited.

it makes it worse that it was about the cost of venue hire, you’ve excluded his mum and sister for the sake of £160.

My dad got married and turned up on my doorstep with his new wife. Felt like I'd been stabbed in the chest. Took many, many years to heal. Who's idea is it? If it's your partner then get rid and don't look back. If it's your idea then you probably need therapy.

You have both fucked up here; both mothers should have been invited and then one other person. As you've had issues with his mother previously, this exclusion has tipped it in to the point of no return. So even though you've tried to rectify the situation it looks like she's an after thought, which she is. So now this looks even worse than before, it was an extremely short sighted gesture on both your part.

It sounds like the son hasn’t told his mum that the stuff that she considers OP’s fault is actually his.

While the reasons why they don’t want MIL are understandable, it’s difficult to understand why they’ve been blindsided by her anger. If keeping the peace was their tactic (MIL and her son are clearly not NC) then it should have been aunt and the mums who were at the ceremony. If OP wanted her sister there then she should have insisted that they wait so that a few extra could be invited.

Gosh, I can’t believe this is the only thing you’ve taken from my response.

OP, invite two friends, one each, both mothers or two strangers. Stress early on in a marriage is going to really affect you and your DP and they won’t let this go for years to come

Is he close to his mum and sister usually? Are you worried they ruin the service for some reason? They will never believe you weren’t behind this even if you’re not

It sounds like an awful lot of poster's replying to this thread would be exactly the type to rush to blame their DIL in this situation completely ignoring their son's agency in the decision or examining why he might have made it.

You are not at all in the wrong OP. Please don’t let this woman sully your wedding - she shouldn’t be allowed to take that from your future husband along with everything else she put him through

I think most sisters and mothers would be offended if they don't get invited to their brother/sons wedding. I'd actually be really hurt if it was me. Especially if your mum and sister is going. Have they did something really wrong? If not then it's unnecessarily cruel.

I think most sisters and mothers would be offended if they don't get invited to their brother/sons wedding. I'd actually be really hurt if it was me. Especially if your mum and sister is going. Have they did something really wrong? If not then it's unnecessarily cruel.

This attitude is definitely on the increase. Completely selfish and with no recognition that you yourself have probably been invited things out of obligation/ kindness not to exclude you and that actually people involved in your life and who have helped you over the years deserve a bit more kindness and thought.

YANBU but it’s pretty sh1t and I can fully understand why she’s pee’d off. If decisions are constantly being made like this then I can understand why there are issues.

Have the wedding that you want - but I think you are back peddling a bit.

In your op you said “That’s probably why his MIL wasn’t at the top of my mind when we were choosing witnesses for the wedding ceremony.” … and then later you try and say you had suggested to your partner you push the wedding back and get a bigger venue so his mother could attend but he had insisted on getting married sooner with the smaller room.

You have your reasons for not liking his mother and thats ok. But stand firm to this or it makes you look like you are being a bit flaky and not fair to your partner. Inviting his mum to a small reception but not the ceremony is a bit weird to be honest.

OP, I don’t really understand why you posted this. You asked if you and your partner ("we") were being unreasonable and the large majority of people responding have said yes, you are, but you seem to be saying there’s nothing you can do about it.

Can you really not afford an extra £160, or whatever it was, for a room big enough to invite your MIL-to-be to her own son's wedding? Is he really so unwilling to wait for a month to be able to afford this for what is arguably one of the most important days of his life? I just cannot understand this. Either the relationship has broken down so much that DP no longer has anything to do with his mother, in which case fair enough, or it hasn’t and he is still in regular contact with her, in which case not inviting her is incredibly and deliberately hurtful.

You say you've tried to reverse the decision but she now won’t come. I don’t blame her. She must feel incredibly hurt. The only thing I can suggest is that her son has a heart-to-heart with her, tells her the original decision was his not yours, and begs her to come as the beginning of a fresh start to their relationship.

You will always upset someone or other. We invited my youngest DD and her fiancé and DH's sister plus her husband.
It was our wedding, our way. Besides, we couldn't afford anything else.
You do your wedding your way. Invite those who are closest to you, whether it is relatives, the postman or the milkman.
We are having a bit of a do for our 10th anniversary and will be inviting those who have been there for us through thick and thin.
Congratulations.

No, my son is getting married with just his sister and bil to be there.
we will have a smallish party a few months later
their choice
enjoy your day x