Are we wrong for not inviting my MIL and SIL to our micro wedding ceremony?

I'm really dubious about the drip feed. It contradicts what OP said in her first post, and I can't help bit feel that the drip feed is manipulative and the somewhat exaggerated.

Whatever you do at a wedding, someone is always upset / offended. You and your finance should just do you and roll with it. Those who love you will be happy for you and those who choose to be offended won’t be. DH brother and nuclear family cut us off after our wedding because they didn’t agree with how we did things. Their choice. Those who love us stay with us. Don’t overthink it and just do what will make the two of you happy.

Its in the updates! People need to at least read all the OPs posts before commenting.

Also

Your day, your way (which is a relatively new, hyper individualistic approach to celebrating marriage but which is now sadly the norm) but I think it is divisive and hurtful to do this, unless there’s a massive backstory, to quote a PP.

This is not what is happening here. You need to read the thread properly before weighing in, as you are implying that a son whose mother was complicit in his abuse is in the wrong for favouring the aunt who gave him and home and protected him.

Do it right then theres no argueing and fall outs

Op has already filled this in. OPs DH was abused by his stepfather while his mother stood he and never protected him, the aunt took DH in and looked after him, he considers his aunt more of a mother than his real one.

Opposite in mine, I adored my paternal grandmother and had very little to do with my maternal grandparents. Even as an adult I moved to my maternal grandparents city, I probably saw them a handful of times in 3 years but called my paternal grandmother daily, in the days before mobile phones, I used pay phones. I also travel from one end of the country to the other to see her every 6-8weeks.

It has nothing to do with being part of the maternal or paternal side of the family and everything to do with what kind of relationships people have with their children and grandchildren.

But he wants to be. That's why they're waiting for the church ceremony.

Your day, your way (which is a relatively new, hyper individualistic approach to celebrating marriage but which is now sadly the norm) but I think it is divisive and hurtful to do this, unless there’s a massive backstory, to quote a PP.

Sorry OP, but I don’t believe that.
It didn’t cross your mind to invite his Mother instead of his Aunt?
Also how much more really it’s going to cost to invite her?
It all seems quite mean ( and intentional)

I read the original post, but not all 16 pages on the thread.I don’t have the time! This info wasn’t in original post!

Difficult.
I can see both sides as I am currently the 'parent'.
Our DD is marrying next year and having a big reception / party with a 'fake' wedding ceremony and then doing the legal real wedding later with no guests.

Personally, I couldn't care less about the big reception but would far rather attend the small real wedding but they want that to just be about themselves and no one else. Their choice, but a pity as far as I'm concerned.

Unless his mother has been abusive I cannot fathom what kind of person woukd not invite their own mother to their wedding. Three guests should be both mothers and then a toss up between your sister and husband aunt . One day you might give birth to a son who on the most important day of his life shuns you for an aunt . I hope the aunt isn’t his mothers suster because that would be rubbing salt into the wound

Of course you should have invited his mum.

Don’t worry - I’ve got an amazing DIL that includes me in everything x

Did you actually read the thread? The bit where his mother did not protect him from his step fathers abuse? And he had to live with his aunt? Who he considers more of a mother figure than his actual mother? What about that cruelty?

Affect the mother/son relationship forever? Its a bit late to worry about that, and its on the mother.

I’d be devastated to not be invited to my
sons wedding. She’s his mum!! Unless they are estranged, this is just cruel. He’s her little boy. If I were your mum I’d be insisting grooms mum is there, it would be awkward afterwards. Also this is never fixable and could affect mother/son relationship forever. Imagine in 25/30yrs you’re the excluded mum at your own child’s wedding!!!

Tbh i think it’s pretty disgusting but shows the measure of you both thinking its an ok way to behave. One day you’ll be a MIL hopefully you get a better daughter in law than you clearly are

You have your mum and sister. But he's not allowed to have his. Not a great start to married life. Watch out if you're planning on having children as hey may just not be supportive of you both. Invite them. For your DF. Do it quickly.

If you can’t understand why this would be a problem, then I don’t think anyone can help you understand

Your wedding. Your rules. If that what you both chose to do. Dont feel bad because others dont like it.

Her fiance chose to exclude his mum not the OP. Then when she said she could come instead of her sister MIL behaved like a child saying I'm not coming now.
Honestly I couldn't be bothered with all the drama and would block her and let your DP deal with it.
She wasn't a good mum from the sound of it, I think she's lucky to be included at all.

How could the woman who gave birth to him and raised him not be top of your list? Or forgotten about, it’s not some long lost cousin, it’s the womb he grew in, I would tell my husband your mum is coming we are not doing this without her.

Yes his mum and sister should be included, as yours are

Of course his mother will be upset and for a very long time. Not only is she not invited to the wedding but you/he chose to invite his aunt instead. What sort of wedding venue can only accommodate 3 guests? I'd change venue.

I thought he wanted the aunt there as he has a bad relationship with his mother due to abuse he suffered as a child. That’s what OP said, at least.