Are we wrong for not inviting my MIL and SIL to our micro wedding ceremony?

It’s your wedding invite who you like, don’t fall into the must invite trap

You are looking at it from the only perspective you know.....yours.
Drag yourself out of your own bubble of importance and see it clearly from OPs perspective. I feel you have ignored her information and gone immediately on the attack.
I hope you develop a relationship with your childrens partners based on them and not you! Because half the issue with in laws is they think they are entitled.

I'm quite shocked at the level of animosity directed at this lady.
She explained that the fiance's family have taken a dislike to her from the beginning.
She's explained that there was abuse in the family long before she met him.
It looks like the mil likes to blame her regardless of her son taking full responsibility for the decisions.
Yet you too are all blaming this woman.
I see a lot of people in this chat that have personal issues going on and are taking it out on her.
Take a good look at yourselves and wonder why your dripping vitriol at this lady that just wanted to be understood in a hateful online forum.

To op. This is both your wedding and it seems like you chose who you wanted he chose who he wanted. And that's all that matters. If he wanted his mum he would of chosen her. You not thinking about her is obviously testament to your lack of relationship with her.
It takes two. And if she has a history of being quite nasty to you then why would you want to be around her!

I personally struggle to see how the marriage would work if you

1. Don't suck it up and deal with the issues with his family. I mean "ok mil what is your problem with me" and get it over with. Or
2. Cut them off.

Good luck however you do this

You excluded your MIL for £160. I don’t see how that could ever be reasonable.

This!

the responses on this thread are wild!
@JanineR if as you say this woman stood back and allowed her son to be abused by her husband, why the hell would either you or your fiancée give a shit about the tantrum she’s pulling?! Why are you so keen to forge a relationship with this woman?!

Forgive me if I'm mistaken.. however, I am left wondering how long have you been in this relationship? & why the sudden rush to get married?

Are you both youngsters without any financial resources?

His mother and sister weren't excluded intentionally??🤣

Of course they were excluded intentionally. He chose his aunt intentionally which intentionally excluded his mother and sister

And of course you'll get the blame. It's inevitable especially as you don't get on with them very well

Why does your husband to be get to call all the shots about when and where you get married?

You've walked straight into a nightmare by allowing him to make all the decisions

I had a tiny wedding. 2 x sets of parents , 3 x siblings (from both sides) , 1 x 5 year old neice

So you decided your people input, your now DH confirmed his, he should be posting this question not you.

Our nephew just eloped and told no family at all. They are planning a bigger ceremony in the country that his DW comes from in a couple of years, by which time they will have a baby. I don’t see the point of that in all honesty. We sent a card and a gift when we were told but we won’t be going to the ‘pretend’ wedding if they ever get round to it, most of the family have said the same thing. No one is hurt that they got married that way because we were all treated exactly the same way.

His DM is hurting, she won’t come now and I’ll be surprised if she comes for the reception.

You do realise it was OPs husband to be that didn’t invite them, not op?

*We really don’t see the ceremony oat as the biggest part of the wedding, hence why we were so taken aback at the reaction. We want to have a ceremony in a church in a couple years time when my fiancé is baptised which we would invite everybody to. Hence why this wedding is so tiny

If you really felt this way about the ceremony you wouldn’t be getting married at all. Which one of you came up with the idea of a second wedding in a church?

You both sound bonkers.

You keep saying that his family are blaming you for this but haven’t said if your future husband has set then straight - that it was his idea?

Then HE needs to make it clear to his family that it was HIS choice to not invite his mother and sister to your wedding then

Would you want someone who allowed their partner to abuse you at your wedding?
The mother should have protected her son when he was young and then I expect she would have been invited.

If you were already non-contact, then it would be okay not to invite her. But clearly he's been maintaining the relationship with his mum, so this will have been entirely unexpected and she was hit with a bolt from the blue. That would have been agonising.

If he wanted to treat his mother this way, then he should have had the guts to cut himself off from her before now. You don't choose your wedding as the moment to give your mum a completely unexpected F* you, and expect her to get over it.

You have done the right thing supporting your partner and his choices.
It sounds like his Mum won’t be a great loss in your life if either she or your partner chooses to go no contact 💐

YANBU

It's so easy for those who haven't suffered with in-law issues to find you unreasonable! My in-laws were not invited to our wedding. They hated me. They were put out that they weren't invited, yet hadn't invited me to any family event since we got engaged, and made it clear when we got engaged that they hated me and tried their very best to stop DH from marrying me. They are fucking unhinged.

There was no way I was having people who openly hated me at my wedding! It's such an intimate moment and there wasn't a chance I'd want toxic people like that there!

I don't see anything wrong with your plans @JanineR Of course they will be blaming you, and it took me years to stop taking things my in-laws said and thought about me to heart, but try to just let it wash over you. Once you no longer give a fuck about what they think, your life will become so much happier - promise x

Wow! So your mum and sister can attend but his mum and sister can’t!!! I’m not surprised they are upset! Just plain nastiness!

It's your choice but aren't you setting yourselves up for difficult relationships with his mum and sister?

Are mothers of daughters never MILs?

This attitude is madness. The marriage ceremony is the most important part because it is the actual wedding. The rest is just fluff.

I think you need to book the bigger room and make sure you invite close family on both sides.

I can't believe that you didn't see this coming. Any later ceremony is not a wedding, it's at most a renewal of vows.

I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine. But…. As a mother of 2 boys I find it so sad that all of you, MIL haters, feel that the mother in law is so horrible. Like the wicked step mother of fairy tails. She didn’t wake up every morning thinking how can I piss him or you off. More likely she has spent the last 20 to 30 years raising a human you obviously love. Give her a break. She wants desperately to be part of his and your life. I wish all of you only boys. You will love them desperately, and if karma is a thing they will find a daughter DIL just like you.

Yes you are being unreasonable . Very much so.

And yet the exchanging of vows is the most important part of a wedding, the words spoken in a wedding ceremony are legally binding

I don't think YABU if she's been abusive. But also you should have seen this fallout coming a mile off if you invited your DM and DS to the ceremony and not his.

I mean you've invited them to the reception, I would have definitely anticipated that they would be pissed at the snub, especially if they have form, and it would make the wedding day awkward.

How did you expect them to react?