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Original poster

Are we wrong for not inviting my MIL and SIL to our micro wedding ceremony?

492 replies

JanineR · 17/10/2025 15:18

We are having a micro wedding with only 3 people at the twin hall wedding ceremony (2 family members from my side, 1 from my fiancé’s side). We are inviting 6 people apart from us to the wedding reception meal, all paid for by us of course. My MIL and SIL are upset over not being at the ceremony. We didn’t intentionally exclude them, but we chose another family member from his family who are are both much closer to. The rest of my fiancé’s family have never been particularly close welcoming to me and I WS always excluded during Christmas and other occasions. That’s probably why his MIL wasn’t at the top of my mind when we were choosing witnesses for the wedding ceremony. His family are of course blaming me for everything. Are we in the wrong?

OP posts:
Original poster
JanineR · 17/10/2025 15:38

sweeneytoddsrazor · 17/10/2025 15:36

How tiny is this room.

Only 3 people are allowed for attend apart from bride and groom, that’s what we were told.

OP posts:
Stoufer · 17/10/2025 15:38

JanineR · 17/10/2025 15:37

I would be more than okay with that arrangement, but she is refusing to come.

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..sounds like the damage is already done. Oh dear. Doesn’t really bode well for you going forward…

sittingonabeach · 17/10/2025 15:37

Has he told them it was his choice.

Will you always have issues around his family, and will you always get the blame (even if not your fault). Wouldn't get married if that is the case

Lifebeganat50 · 17/10/2025 15:37

JanineR · 17/10/2025 15:31

They are invited to the reception and everything else, it’s just the signing of papers that they are not invited to.

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you haven’t invited them to the only part which actually matters!

Original poster
JanineR · 17/10/2025 15:37

TanquerayTickles · 17/10/2025 15:36

Then you invite both Mums and the aunt you're close to, the siblings join afterwards. It is the only fair way to do it. You really need to change this up.

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I would be more than okay with that arrangement, but she is refusing to come.

OP posts:
Original poster
JanineR · 17/10/2025 15:37

Hellinnnnn · 17/10/2025 15:36

This is so bizarre. If I’m honest, my biggest fear is that my DS will have a relationship with the kind of person who has grievances and grudges and is manipulative around events like this. Why can’t your 8 meal guests go to the registry office and witness the wedding? Why have it emotionally charged and complex and dramatic like this?
I would be devastated if my son invited my sister and not me to his wedding!

It wasn’t fully my choice. I suggested getting married later on so we could save up and invite everybody.

OP posts:
TanquerayTickles · 17/10/2025 15:36

JanineR · 17/10/2025 15:32

Only 3 people are allowed to the ceremony room unfortunately. The larger ceremony room is much more expensive. It was his choice to invite his aunt instead, not mine.

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Then you invite both Mums and the aunt you're close to, the siblings join afterwards. It is the only fair way to do it. You really need to change this up.

sittingonabeach · 17/10/2025 15:36

You don't think having the meal with them afterwards is going to rub their noses in the fact that they weren't at the ceremony. Most people I know who have the really small wedding where you can only have witnesses tend to have friends (or strangers from the street!) and then meet up with family afterwards

sweeneytoddsrazor · 17/10/2025 15:36

How tiny is this room.

Maray1967 · 17/10/2025 15:36

Is he being a coward and not telling his mum that all this was his decision?

If he won’t make change his mind he at least needs to tell his mum that all this was his choice.

Original poster
JanineR · 17/10/2025 15:36

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 17/10/2025 15:34

Ok well disinvite your sister and invite his mum then

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I tried to do that and reconcile privatelly but she is refusing to come.

OP posts:
Hellinnnnn · 17/10/2025 15:36

This is so bizarre. If I’m honest, my biggest fear is that my DS will have a relationship with the kind of person who has grievances and grudges and is manipulative around events like this. Why can’t your 8 meal guests go to the registry office and witness the wedding? Why have it emotionally charged and complex and dramatic like this?
I would be devastated if my son invited my sister and not me to his wedding!

ShanghaiDiva · 17/10/2025 15:35

Unescorted · 17/10/2025 15:35

It may be more expensive but for the sake of your marriage and your husband to be's family relationship you may just have to suck it up & make cost savings elsewhere. Alternatively sack your sister off and invite MIL.

Exactly!

ComfortFoodCafe · 17/10/2025 15:35

If it was his choice, then fair game maybe they should of treated you better beforehand.

Evenstar · 17/10/2025 15:35

Do you have any DC yourself? Can you imagine how devastated you would be to be excluded from their wedding?

Unescorted · 17/10/2025 15:35

It may be more expensive but for the sake of your marriage and your husband to be's family relationship you may just have to suck it up & make cost savings elsewhere. Alternatively sack your sister off and invite MIL.

Original poster
JanineR · 17/10/2025 15:34

DaisyChain505 · 17/10/2025 15:33

I think the important question is what is your partners take on this and how does he feel about his mum and his sister.

This isn’t just your wedding it is his wedding too and even if you don’t particularly like them he deserves to have his close family there if that’s what he wants.

I absolutely agree. As I said in my previous reply it was his choice, but I am being blamed for it by his family.

OP posts:
IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 17/10/2025 15:34

JanineR · 17/10/2025 15:32

Only 3 people are allowed to the ceremony room unfortunately. The larger ceremony room is much more expensive. It was his choice to invite his aunt instead, not mine.

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Ok well disinvite your sister and invite his mum then

ShanghaiDiva · 17/10/2025 15:34

So starting your married life together by alienating your dh’s family. Not the wisest move…

Maray1967 · 17/10/2025 15:34

JanineR · 17/10/2025 15:32

Only 3 people are allowed to the ceremony room unfortunately. The larger ceremony room is much more expensive. It was his choice to invite his aunt instead, not mine.

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His mother will be very hurt by this. If you could only have had three people you should just have invited your mums and no one else.

Original poster
JanineR · 17/10/2025 15:34

BlueMum16 · 17/10/2025 15:31

YABU to invite his aunt but not his mum and sister, if you are in contact with them.

What does your DP think?

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It was his choice. I suggested getting married later on so we could have a larger ceremony and save up but he insisted on getting married in the smaller ceremony room. The problem is I am being blamed for everything. I’m not in contact with them hence why she wasn’t at the top of my mind when we invited our witnesses, but I of course wanted to include her at the reception.

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 17/10/2025 15:34

Why don't you invite both mothers, and not have the sisters. Then you are even

Stoufer · 17/10/2025 15:33

Only three people allowed into the room?? That is bizarre - is it a cupboard??

DaisyChain505 · 17/10/2025 15:33

I think the important question is what is your partners take on this and how does he feel about his mum and his sister.

This isn’t just your wedding it is his wedding too and even if you don’t particularly like them he deserves to have his close family there if that’s what he wants.

Sophiablue95 · 17/10/2025 15:33

Ouch, this is why I dislike the fact I’ll only ever be a MIL as I have sons.

Of course she is going to be upset! You have invited your mother and sister yet excluded his mother! I wouldn’t forgive you for that if I was her.

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