Are we wrong for not inviting my MIL and SIL to our micro wedding ceremony?

I feel like people aren’t really reading your updates. There’s clearly stuff that’s happened in your DH’s family, and the fact he’s closer to his aunt says a lot. I’m sure they are upset and offended but if this is what your DH wants then that’s his choice. It will impact the relationship but without knowing the history it’s hard to say whether it’s unreasonable or not. As others have said, it’s up to him to speak to them and make it clear this isn’t down to you.

So you are NC with his family? I think it sounds like his family situation is very complex so in that respect I'd defer to him to deal with it and keep yourself out of it. If she wants to blame you then let her as long as your dp is directly on top of it.

If your mum and sister were there I think you were very unreasonable not to invite his mum and sister.

He could have had three guests to your two.

Ooofff!. Of course you can invite whoever you choose. That said if my son didn't invite me to his wedding I would be heartbroken. Even worse that his Aunt is there.

If it’s anything like our town hall two witnesses is something like £175 and the larger hall which fits up to 50 is £700 so it’s a big difference in cost

I don't think you thought this through enough. It's really unusual to deliberately exclude family from the ceremony and then have a meal with them afterwards. Elopements can have receptions long afterwards but they're not designed to run anyone's nose in the fact they weren't at the ceremony whereas same day events could have that feel.

They might be blaming you for not explaining standard social conventions to your fiancé, people don't usually do this kind of thing for a reason.

I'm not in contact with them...

At this stage I think you need to take only your witnesses, neither of whom should be relatives in your situation, into your legal paperwork appointment. It's the only way that anything can be salvaged in terms of a positive relationship between you and your Mil going forward.
No wonder your Mil is refusing to come, you've already excluded her and no matter what you say now, she knows she wasn't wanted in the first place.

It's you're wedding, but I'd be devastated not to be at my sons' wedding ....and I'd guess you'll feel the same.

Don't worry about it then. It was your future DH's decision to invite his aunt rather than his mum and it was your MIL's decision to not welcome you into her family so of course she wouldn't be at the top of your list for an invitation.

With only three guests allowed, the split of guests between the two families for an invitation to the ceremony was always going to be uneven. Your DH isn't bothered about not inviting his mum, so neither should you.

Well really. Even if you ‘don’t know her’ you know she exists and is his mother. And anyone would realise that there is an order of hierarchy in blood relatives that means an aunt is lower down a list than a parent, unless there is a massive reason to reverse that order, such as living with the aunt rather than the mother growing up, or an abusive situation.

if your fiancé doesn’t realise this then you are marrying an emotionally immature man. And even if he didn’t realise this, you should.

Obviously your (plural) wedding, your choice. But if you exclude a parent, particularly when including the parent of the other party, and including a more minor relative, then a massive fall out is entirely predictable.

@Stoufer just looked up a random registry office. Price for smallest ceremony (2 witnesses) £56. More guests but same room £250. Different function room £650

Very unreasonable...and I speak as someone who eloped. We deliberately made sure we offended each person equally, as there were huge numbers of family members involved, so we made sure we invited nobody at all... Unlike my brother, who did what you did - his wife invited her sibling(and her DH and kids) and her parents and grandmother, while he just invited me and DH. Their relationship with my mother was ruined forever.

I can understand why she's upset, I think the best way forward here is for you and your fiance to sincerely apologise to his Mum, admit you made an error in judgement and would like to rectify it.

I appreciate this was your fiance's call, but if it were me I'd have told him it was a a cruel thing to do. There may not be a way back from this, and despite any mistakes she has made, this will be the defining thing that people will cling to.

Honestly how did you two expect MIL and SIL to react to this?

So, you can invite your mum and sister but his are excluded!!

Can you really not see why that is particularly unkind and hurtful? Of course you can, but you'll probably press on ahead with it anyway.

Nobody is saying you must have a big wedding, not at all. But leaving his mother and his immediate sibling out like this is very poor behaviour from you and likely to prove divisive in the future. Unless a humungous drip feed about how abusive they apparently are is shortly to emerge (which won't be believable).

You invite your mum and your sister. He can surely invite his own mum and sister too. Meet everyone else at the pub/restaurant afterwards if you are so inclined.

You don't say where any fathers feature in this, so I'd guess that they may not be on the scene.

Anyway, yes, you are being totally unreasonable here. I would be very upset to be excluded from my child's wedding in this way so, in the absence of any information to the contrary, I am team MIL/SIL here.

You are choosing the way to get yourself off on the wrong foot with your future in-laws. The damage from that may well not be reparable if you proceed with this.

Then tell your fiancee to own it and handle it with them and explain why he chose his aunty over his mother.

i have seen posts on here talking about really cheap wedding ceremonies at a register office? I don’t really understand this at all - how much is the cupboard-room, and how much is a bigger room?

So you invited your own mum and sister but not your husband to be's? Not surprised they are upset!! Cutting your own mother out your wedding when there is no reason to is just dam right nasty. You invite his mother over your sister, quite simple. Your sister and his sister can join the meal afterwards.

If this was my sibling and they did this to my mum I'd want nothing more to do with them. Not the best way to start your married life.

This is an absolute dick move by your partner and you should be ashamed of condoning it.

For those asking about how big the room is, the cheapest wedding offer usually limits guests to minimum required for witnesses, it's not necessarily the actual size of the room that is the limiting factor

Bloody hell @JanineR I am a MIL and adore both of my DIL.

I think what you are doing is the best possible way to ensure the continued estrangement and lack of inclusion from his family.

Is that your goal?

I'd struggle to look at you tbh.

Pathetically short sighted

@JanineR do you have any say in your relationship?