Are we wrong for not inviting my MIL and SIL to our micro wedding ceremony?

To me it feels very cruel to not invite your MIL and SIL yet you invite one aunt in their place when you have invited your DM and DS. I’d be devastated if I was not invited to my sons wedding

So, you just choose not to acknowledge the ones about the abuse and the history then?

And discount the multiple posts suggesting the opposite to your otherwise unfounded suspicions?

Pretty sure I did. The two mothers could have been invited and their respective sisters could have been ditched. I suspect OP manipulated her fiance to ditch his own mum and sister. I hope her fiance comes to his senses before it's too late.

I've never heard the phrase 'micro-wedding'. Is it something different from an actual wedding?

Yes, l believe you. Bless you and wish you well. You have the right to those words because you are using them correctly. Others on here think any mild upset is abuse, and not getting what they want is trauma.

You've made a terrible decision. If you have a very small family surely you would want to expand that family. Are you going to exclude his family if you have a child? I feel sorry for your new husband.

Oh gosh. As someone who was 1) once called by her mother and shouted at and asked if I wanted the adoption papers. For one of my brothers!! And 2) that brother is not planning to invite our mother to his wedding.

I get this.

and yes it breaks my heart. However some mothers just don’t see they have a part to play in not falling into the #1 slot because of their behaviour. And that is on them.

yes it sounds like the groom should have managed comms better here but its done and it is his choice.
one of many more that will no doubt expose the damage in the mother son relationship.

OP. Have a wonderful wedding and best of luck with marriage. May you be the end of this and live life differently to how his family of origin has worked out.

If it’s anything like our registry office, they’re really strict on numbers. Ours only allows the two witnesses and that is it, no negotiation.

I hate this because I was abused and have trauma, so much so that I have DID. Do you believe anyone?

“Abuse “ it’s a bit like “trauma “ chucked about and never defined so those serious words cease to have value. Do you mean abuse or would disagreement or personality clash be more like it?

Same old, same old. Always the woman's fault.

I suppose it's a convenient 'out' from examining what might have gone wrong in your own family dynamic (generic), and the part you might have played in it. It's an easy disclaimer of responsibility.

Apologies, I hadn't read the whole thread. Apologies OP. It is entirely up to your DH to be whether he invites his Mum or his Aunt under those circumstances, but he should be the one expaining it.

I again you had a son you allowed to be abused then had the nerve to get upset that he chose his aunt who took him in and protected him over the mother who didn’t!

It fully depends on the parish priest, some will happily marry non Catholics others won’t.

My db and sil had to get married in a Methodist church because our parish priest refused to marry them unless sil converted, he was a notorious prick, he also refused to baptise my neice because sil wasn’t catholic.

Imagine you had a son and he did this, would you be happy?

I would be heartbroken that he/you had chosen an Aunt over me.

Your wedding, your choice. Period.
If they have not been welcoming to you then it's on them, not you.
Have a wonderful wedding day!

This is so far fetched - you need to check this. I've seen rooms up to 10 never one that's only 3?!?!

Overall on this thread, it's clear that you and your soon to be hubby dropped the ball here. Your witnesses should have been the two Mothers and that's it. You talk of your soon to be hubby being baptised and having a Church blessing of sorts in a year or so time. Yet the first Blessing in the 10 Commandments tells us to Honour our Mother & Father. This doesn't mean seeing them all the time and being doormats to parents, but to forgive your Mother (not forget.) & show your Mother some level of respect and consideration. Regardless of the step father being abusive (it's fairly common unfortunately that many women choose thier partner over thier children) It's the litmus test in Faith. ....many can't forgive.

See I take a different slant on this. If my son didn't invite me to his wedding I think I need to ask myself why.
I think it's on me to be important enough to both the people getting married to want me there.

I don't think you get a free ride to relationships just because you gave birth to someone.

The main issue I’m failing to understand is why you’re being blamed by his family. This was the grooms choice. He needs to own it with them, otherwise this doesn’t bode well. Marrying a coward/avoider never ends well.

I’m not blaming OP for this, although she’s complicit. I’m blaming her fiancé. I think it’s a deliberate sucker punch to his mother. I have read the posts indicating that she failed to protect him from abuse and has been unfriendly towards OP but he should address this with her directly rather than use his wedding as an opportunity to get back at her. Either her behaviour has been so unacceptable and continues to be so unacceptable that he can’t have a relationship with her or he should have chosen her as his guest. He really needs to talk to his mother and take responsibility for his choices rather than let her continue to put all the blame on OP. I don’t think anyone could fail to see that replacing his Mum with his Aunt would be hurtful.

Of course they are upset - a sister could understand being excluded but a mother ! That is such an insult that at least you won’t have MIL problems in future

As someone who does not get on with their family I would take the lead from your OH. For my last wedding we had a small wedding and partly chose the location so my Mother would not attend. My sisters and dad attended! Have a fabulous day!

You haven't read all of OPs posts have you?

It's a kick in the teeth for your mil and sil for you both to invite your mother and sister and his aunt while his own mother and sister are not! but you know this already -it feels like you're revelling in getting your own back. In the absence of a backstory of them being unkind etc to your fiance, he should invite them. But then you admit The rest of my fiancé’s family have never been particularly close welcoming to me and I WS always excluded during Christmas and other occasions. That’s probably why his MIL wasn’t at the top of my mind when we were choosing witnesses for the wedding ceremony. So I am guessing you manipulated him into inviting his aunt and not his mother and sister, and they probably know this. Deep in your heart you know what you've done. I think I would judge him as a future partner if he did this to his mother and sister ( in the absence of a backstory of abuse etc).