To think family members should turn up before guests at a funeral?

Well I was treated with a lot of kindness at the funeral. People did approach me to offer condolences and then at the wake came to ask if I had everything I needed in terms of food and drink. That made it somewhat easier to interact. I was not, mercifully, doorstepped upon exiting the crematorium with a judgemental question. If this post is actually genuine, I think it’s perfectly possible the daughters were just taking a moment to process after the service. The comment about their lateness may well have upset and destabilised them and put them off talking to people later.

i have also been at a funeral of a child where a close relative was so utterly bereft that they entered and left the church in a daze and spent the wake in the garden in despair, unable to communicate with anyone. No judgement whatsoever from me. It was a harrowing sight to see and I can’t imagine feeling in any way affronted that I wasn’t acknowledged.

I don't want anyone, undertaker or otherwise, telling me how I 'should' behave at a friend's or relative's funeral.

The worst part is when people come over and say how wonderful the deceased was, it sets you off all over again

That really is a matter of opinion.

I took great comfort at each of my parents' funerals from the number of people who came to tell us how much they liked my Mum or my Dad, and how much they were going to miss them. Over 20 years on and I still think about some of the stories they told me and memories they shared. I still get a warm feeling from the number of people who took the time to be there, and who stayed afterwards to talk to us.

So, personally, that wasn't 'the worst part' at all - it was what lifted the days to a sort of celebration of life. It was a hugely helpful part of the whole grieving process for my siblings and for me.

We arrived the same time as Dad did, following behind in the funeral car so were last in, we walked down in front of Dads coffin with male members carrying the coffin. We didnt greet people immediately after the service as we were distraught.

Your post is actually horrible and I wouldn't have wanted someone like you to attend mine or anyone I loved's service.

I hope the catering was up to your standards.

Do you think that your friend would be more upset at his daughters arriving (as is traditional) just before him, or at the idea of a friend spending his funeral nosing at his daughters, making unkind judgements about them, and then taking to MN to tell the world how awful they were? If this is your takeaway from your friends funeral, you are not much of a friend.

I'm sorry for your loss, and your grief.

I think that was the point the OP was making: did you speak to anyone at your parent's funeral? Thank them for coming? Exchange a few words, receive condolences? I imagine you did as you say you seemed fine and even quite jovial. These two sisters did none of the above. Death affects everyone to some degree, if only because we are forced to confront mortality which we spend most of our lives avoiding. It's okay, I think, to expect a base level of "hello, thank you for coming", or eye contact, or shaking hands, even when we're devastated and mired in grief. Some expectations (nobody needs me to set them out), but this didn't seem like that sort of funeral.

It's not a big issue, I don't want to flog it. I really do think it's more about our cultural relationship with death, and a wider issue of manners/ social expectations etc.

Judging judgey judge judge.

Thinking about this a bit more had made me feel really sad and angry. I hope the OP is actually a bot trying to generate a Daily Fail story as I can’t believe anyone would be so unkind.

I went to a funeral this week with my teenage DS, of one of his classmates. One glimpse of that coffin and his utterly distraught parents and I literally could not have told you if they were on time or half an hour late 😢

Literally the only words I could think to say to his DF were ‘we are so sorry’ and afterwards wished I could have thought of something better to say 😢

This illustrates why I'm so glad that 'no-nonsense' cremations are becoming a thing now. My mum died when I was young, and when my dad was still a young-ish man (38). Despite him being in bits and with a shitload of other stuff to sort out he was still expected to host a little grieving party for a load of people he barely knew a matter of weeks after she died. I'll stop there before I say something uncharitable.

A Wake is not held at a funeral,it's a period when the departed used to be at home and someone was awake to watch over them. Agree,you were just judgemental.

I don't think that's true at all: funerals are for the living, people go to express their condolences to the bereaved and sometimes to share grief as some people find comfort and solace in other people (although many don't). If you're mourning for your own loss, you don't do it at a funeral - you do it in your own, private moments which can go on for years after the funeral.

I do see your point but I suppose we can’t ever really know how someone is feeling. I probably seemed fine and even quite jovial at the funeral for my deceased parent. In reality, I was beyond devastated and emotionally dissociated to cope with the horror of it all.

It’s not a social event, they do not need to host or mingle. They are grieving their parent. They can behave how they want and shouldn’t have to perform for you. If anything people should have been looking after them, not the other way round

It is absolutely not like a wedding and OP had a dig with the traffic comment.
Most people don't come foe the family but for themselves to funerals. Let's be honest about it

When my DF passes away (hopefully a long way off yet!!!!) I’ll be so devastated that I won’t want to talk to anyone. And I don’t care what anyone else thinks about that.

Whenever I have been to a family members funeral we have arrived after the coffin as we all waited on the road and drove behind it to the church / crematorium.

Yes, I can see that. I think it might depend on the circumstances: the funeral of a child or an unnaturally young person, the funeral of someone who died in tragic circumstances (etc - no need to list the possibilities) is very different from the funeral of an elderly person who passed in their sleep after a long and good life. The latter falls more into a celebration of a full life lived well; the former is a time to support those shocked and bereaved at a time of extreme emotion, and a degree of emotional incontinence has to be pretty much expected. One can understand that hosting duties would be the last thing from a person's mind at such a time.

Perhaps I just have the most recent funerals I've attended in mind, both of which were more celebratory of full and long lives, rather than others earlier on which sadly were the opposite. I took OP's statement that the sisters didn't seem unduly upset or distressed at face value.

Unfair of you to judge. I hate talking to people I don't really know as I find it awkward and uncomfortable. I would not put myself out to talk to people at a funeral and actually didn't at my father's funeral. Frankly I didn't worry about it. It was difficult enough as it was without making small talk with a bunch of people who I didn't know. If they truly cared then they would understand that I had to do the day my way.

It's not a wedding

NRTFT but have you always been such a judgemental dick? I'd have told you to fuck off if I got the slightest whiff you were thinking that when I turned up bang on time (I'm a chef and as a final thanks to my beloved DF wanted to cook the wake) at my DF's funeral.

But if they'd said yes I am devastated we were late and started crying as they felt so bad would that have been better? Is that what op wanted, to upset them?

Poor form op to use that to get a dig in at them. They probably just said what they did to get you frothing even more. I would have done.

Can’t imagine I’ll feel like being hostess with the mostest when my parents die

I don’t think it’s anything like a wedding. Weddings are joyful events where people have often gone to significant expense to come and celebrate with the couple. And it’s about that couple so naturally they will thank the guests that they chose to invite, most of whom they will have a connection with.

A funeral is most often a day of sadness and devastation that bereaved family members just need to get themselves through however they can. And it’s about the person who has died. Attendees aren’t guests of the next of kin in the same way they are guests of the bride and groom. They are there alongside them to mourn and pay their respects. The burden of organization of the funeral and refreshments for attendees is carried by the family at a truly horrible time. If anything, I think the onus should be on attendees to ensure the close relatives are taken care of, not to expect them to chit chat with people they might even barely know or not know at all. Usually if you approach the bereaved to offer condolences, they will respond with thanks for coming but I don’t think it should be an obligation to speak to every person and add to their burden.

Your head spinning with joy at getting married is very different from your head spinning with grief at losing a loved one.