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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think family members should turn up before guests at a funeral?

256 replies

Porkyyorkylass · 17/10/2025 14:59

I went to a dear friends funeral last week.
service started at 1pm. One of his daughters was there when I arrived saying hello etc at about 12.45ish. However his other two daughters were nowhere to be seen. They dashed into the chapel at 5minute past one - they had to delay bringing in the coffin to wait for them. They they were the first out at the end of the service and huddled in a corner together not talking to any of the invited guests. They didn’t look particularly upset or distressed so I don’t think that was the issue. I managed to talk to one of them and said ‘I’m so sorry etc and politely asked if they had hit traffic and how stressed they must’ve been trying to get to the service - they looked a bit non plused and said they weren’t stressed and arrived exactly as planned. At the wake again they just sat on a table chatting amongst themselves with their husbands and made no effort to mingle - again didn’t look particularly upset. I was just so embarrassed for my friend who I know would be upset if he saw his daughters being rude like this at his funeral. Also, I felt a bit sorry for the youngest daughter who clearly was making an effort and had to essentially ‘host’ alone. Maybe I’m being a prude - what do people think AIBU or were they incredibly rude and disrespectful to their father?

OP posts:
Noshadelamp · 17/10/2025 15:05

So judgemental!
Everyone grieves differently and it's actually none of your business.

Some people hold in their emotions in public and prefer to grieve privately.

You have no idea how they feel based on how they look at the funeral and wake.

But most of all, it's actually none of your business.

NoTouch · 17/10/2025 15:05

Any funeral I have attended, family arrive with the coffin in the funeral cars, or i their own cars but they leave the home at the same time as the hearse and follow it (with some slight delays if the funeral procession gets stuck at lights) so they will never be there before the guests.

Lemonposy · 17/10/2025 15:05

At my DH's funeral I put on a brave face and "hosted" properly. Welcomed and thanked everyone, made sure everyone had food and drink. If anyone felt I was able to do that because I wasn't really upset...

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 17/10/2025 15:02

Imagine going to your dad's funeral only to be asked immediately afterwards why you were late (you weren't) and then shamed on here for not being upset enough or chatty.

Wasssuuuuup · 17/10/2025 15:01

This is why we didn't have guests at my father's funeral. Because we weren't willing to perform for others and just wanted to go through it quietly with close family.
Mini funerals all the way

LaurieFairyCake · 17/10/2025 15:00

Are you aware of what the relationship was like? Maybe they weren’t close?