To think family members should turn up before guests at a funeral?

ZOMBIE!

Another one here where we have followed the hearse so immediate family last to be seated after the guests as folllowing the coffin.

My dad was late to last funeral i attended, most people were already seated. However we forgave him because it was HIS funeral

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve.

Shame on you op.

They can behave any way they like at their parents funeral without anyone judging perhaps they didn't want to speak to anyone else

I’m trying to imagine at a funeral asking
politely about traffic.

My DM passed 3 yrs ago and this is what we did. Immediate family ie siblings travelled with the hearse , our partners and children travelled in our own cars and waited until we got out and walked in together. We did chat with everyone after but at funerals I've attended some people find this really difficult at.

There’s a funeral director on a Main Street near me. They have a shopfront but there is no access to the back. I have only seen them unloading a body once. It was very quickly taken out of the van on a light trolley type thing. It looked like the body was secured by a type of black stretchy fabric. It was very quick and discrete. I assume they normally move them when it’s quiet.

Another MN post where the OP makes one initial post (over 2 weeks ago now) that gets posters stirred up and doesn't bother coming back. It's been happening a lot recently. @Porkyyorkylass hasn't made any other posts or comments under that name which is also common with these type of threads. 🥱

I think there’s definitely one ‘should’. You should not start threads on the internet criticising the time-keeping of mourners at their mother’s funeral.

Everyone grieves differently. There is no should it's awful to judge relatives of someone who's died. You have no idea what they are feeling

This really is none of your business.

Shocked that 19% voted that OP's behaviour/attitude was reasonable

When my Dad funeral happened there were a lot of attendees, we filled the Crematorium and Club where the wake was.. he had a lot of work colleagues, social acquaintances and friends who wanted to attend to pay their respects.

Family was still grieving for my Grandmother (Dads mom) who was buried only 5 weeks earlier.. this was the second funeral in as many months for what is a small family group.. we were all in shock from Dads passing, it hadn't been expected despite him being 63.

During the wake the bits i remember, i mostly spent them staying with my family, i did thank the people I knew personally when they came over.. but we were all just.. surviving, and i was concentrating on looking after my Mom, my brother, and my Uncle, who'd just lost his Mum and his Brother in the space of 5 weeks.

If any of the numerous people who attended thought i was rude because i missed speaking to them, or thanking them, tough shit, quite frankly.

I agree completely, @Hollerationinthedancerieeee - if I go to a funeral of someone who isn’t close family, I am there to support the family and to celebrate their birthday life of the person who died - I do not expect anything from the family of the deceased.

Saying that, on a really difficult, sad and often traumatic day, the close family of the deceased should prioritise thanking all the attendees shows very little empathy or understanding, imo.

I don’t think there’s any “should” about it personally. I can’t understand why there should be such expectations on what is often the most horrific and traumatic day of someone’s life. They’ve just seen their loved one turn up in a coffin for goodness sake! They just need to get through it and don’t deserve to be judged for how they do that. The mourners are usually there for themselves and to pay their respects to the deceased. The immediate family has done enough by organising the funeral and refreshments to take care of the needs of the other mourners on the day. They are usually the ones most impacted so I think it’s very unfair for them to bear the highest burden of expectation. Every funeral I’ve been to, I’ve taken my cue from the family. Some have ‘mingled’, others not. I’ve just done what I can to make their life a shade easier at a horrific time by offering condolences when a suitable moment arises and by making sure they have what they need in terms of food and drink when appropriate. Just because it’s an older relative doesn’t mean they won’t be devastated and everyone handles grief differently. Not being able to circulate due to their devastating loss just makes them human, not immature.

OK, shall I reword? Family members need to talk to all the people who have made an effort to come to the funeral to show their respects. We all experience loss and when it's the funeral of an older person then the adult children should be able to do this. It's not about a public display of grief, it's about behaving like a mature adult and acknowledging that your loved ones death has an impact on others and thanking them for showing their support of you.

People attending a funeral aren’t “guests”, it’s not a party or a hotel. They’re mourners. You seem not to have been doing much mourning, just judging.

I don't thinknyou have "guests" at a funeral? They're mourners. People are there to pay their respects, not be hosted.

Agree with this . Guests arrive . Go into seats. Coffin comes followed by immediate family .
At end guests leave wait outside
immediate family leave and greet guests.
then whatever after party happens.
my dads funeral is on 31st spent all day sorting pics and order of service .

have attended a lot of funerals .
apart from one this was the format.

I do agree with you about the family needing to mingle.

Coming to this late but really struck by the comment above! Why should they 'mingle'? Grief's not a performance, everyone reacts differently.

Not the guests fault.

I understand people do things differently but I dont think you were right in how you behaved at all.

I spoke to about 5 people at my dad's funeral. Funnily enough I really wasn't in the mood for socialising.
We paid an amount for a tab at a local bar for whoever wanted to go and then we tfor our own family meal to chat about him and have time together.
A funeral isn't a performance.