Parents let me stay with paedophile grandparents

its possible your mum didn’t ask you even after she knew because she didn’t want to even consider it or upset you. She also probably seriously beat herself up over putting you in that position.

Hopefully, all the troll posts will be gone soon.

OP, I read that it's actually not uncommon for victims of childhood abuse to internalise their experiences and believe that the abuse was personal to them or caused by something they did. So whilst it's obvious to any adult outside the situation that the perpetrator is solely to blame for the abuse and is a potential threat to all children, some victims struggle to see that, even once they grow up.

I remember reading about a mum who was shocked and horrified to learn that her father had abused her daughter (his grand-daughter) when babysitting her. He had abused the mum herself when she was a child, but for some reason she never imagined he might do the same to her daughter. Perhaps your dad thought the same?

OK this makes more sense, that she didn’t ask you once she knew is strange.

But she sounds deeply troubled herself. Unsurprisingly, because there is a reason people choose to spend their lives with traumatised alcoholics and it’s typically not because they are mentally well and very happy.

Depending on how old she is, CSA wasn’t really spoken about either. You all pretended it wasn’t happening and hoped for the best.

OP my mum didn’t protect me at all as a child or as a teenager and I was left with all sorts of people, some of them abused me. She knew about this but blocked it out in her own view of reality (and a lot of booze).

By making me the problem it made her feel alot better about it all. People do all sorts of things so as not to really look at themselves properly. Certainly as well as someone who has worked with children in a variety of different ways, I think it would kill her to do so.

The only thing we can change is ourselves and try to make sure we don't pass on that deep wounding to our kids.

OP, some people have been downright nasty to you. Most of us empathise with you, so please don't be discouraged. It's an incredibly complicated thing to navigate.

It sounds a bit like you are blaming your mum for something that may not even have happened.
She was probably just trying her best to hold life together, like most parents are all the time. She didn't know so how can you hold her responsible?
When you say she didn't ask, do you mean when the abuse towards your dad came to light? That is a bit odd.
Given that the abuse was towards two boys and you are female and can't remember if anything happened I think it quite likely that there is nothing to remember, but therapy could help you to uncover it if you think that would be of benefit to you.
People are flawed and do not always behave the way we might expect.

OP, nothing you have said on here is wrong and your title didn’t need a trigger warning.

I think youre being unfair

I'm a victim and dont expect to see a tw where the title is sufficient.

People can be triggered by anything, grief, SA, cancer etc...we can't cover everything. Its our responsibility to deal with it.

No she doesn't, you're being extremely unfair. A post with a title 'trigger warning, paedophiles' is going to be just as triggering for anyone who has been through that trauma.

OP, it's possible your father thought that it was only him, and it was his fault. Abuse can really mess with people.

Are you even real?

OP ignore the trigger warning police. Unfortunately on forums such as mumsnet the whole tone of the thread is set by the first couple of replies so you probably won't get any decent advice, just people bit picking and arguing over trigger warnings. Id namechange and try again in a couple of days. I hope you get some decent advice and support

@NorthXNorthWest, what you said to the OP is one of the vilest things I've ever seen posted here.

It sounds like your mum didn’t know? So I don’t know why she would have asked if anything happened? I very much doubt she’s untroubled.

Your dad absolutely should have had counselling and not allowed you to spend time alone with abusers. He was possibly blocking it out/pretending (even to himself) that it didn’t happen.

OP you're getting a pretty unfair bashing imo
Your title is clear and not overly graphic
People who are triggered don't need to click on the thread...

Sorry this happened to you, I don't think your mum should have known to ask if you were being abused?
This is all your GPs fault, and partly your dad's fault for you exposing you to it.

She could be more connected to you by apologising about it all, now though.

Hope you are able to process this all somehow.

It’s not the OP’s responsibility to protect people from being triggered on an online forum. If somebody is easily triggered by certain topics they need to either go to therapy or stay off online forums where such topics may be discussed.

Your time would be much better spent asking MN to amend the title than berating the OP. You need to drop this now.

That is awful OP. Your parents clearly weren't/aren't able to be good parents. I would step away from your mum and focus on the family you have made. Perhaps get some therapy if you think that would help. What an awful situation to be sent into, I assume your dad thought only male children were at risk - but still, who would send their child to people like that anyway?

Wouldn’t ’trigger warning paedophiles’ be equally as triggering? ‘Trigger warning’ with no context is useless, it could be about baby loss or a stabbing or emotional abuse or or or …. ?

If people have a problem with the thread title take it up with MN instead of stressing the OP out even further

FFS a trigger warning isn’t required. Personal attacks are frowned upon though.

OP your mum didn’t know and your dad was in the FOG and denial of abuse. You could see a therapist to pick it apart but just doing some reading on how abuse affects adult survivors might help you understand your dad.

I thought trigger warnings were now deemed to be at best useless and worse more likely to inflict emotional distress on people.

OP, I’m very sorry you went through that. I have a tricky self absorbed mum as well and as my child ages I find myself regularly going WTF when I remember what she exposed me to at the same age. Therapy is very helpful!

Why are you blaming your mum?