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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be resentful of MIL taking away all my early moments

32 replies

Diy322 · 17/10/2025 13:12

She never left me or my kids alone when they were born. She would just walk into our home with spare key 3/4/5 times a day. I never felt relaxed. Even doing skin to skin as recommended by midwife I felt unable to do incase she walked in and I would feel awkward her looking at me.

With breastfeeding she would try to get involved - she would start adjusting my baby , moving my breast around! Also Telling me I was doing it wrong. She never breastfed btw. She told me no one did in her days. I was expected to put up with her as DH made it all sound normal mil behaviour and she was entitled to enter her son’s home anytime she wanted

I just hate the way she wrecked my precious bonding time and maternity leave twice. My kids are 5 and 11 now but I still can’t get over it. I find myself crying about her on some days. I don’t have a relationship with her anymore. DH takes kids every Sunday on his own. I feel really guilty sometimes as she’s getting on in age and I should help out but then I have to keep reminding myself why. I feel I can’t let myself forget as I will be drawn back in again.

OP posts:
CatsorDogsrule · 17/10/2025 13:27

"I was expected to put up with her as DH made it all sound normal mil behaviour and she was entitled to enter her son’s home anytime she wanted"

This was the crux of the problem to me. It should have been nipped in the bud at the beginning, as it was not normal MIL behaviour.

I can see that it's easier for you to blame her than your husband though.

Hopefully you can move past it.

IndiaAutumn · 17/10/2025 13:25

If it’s still affecting you so much a decade later, this might be something to talk about with a therapist.

PumpkinPieAlibi · 17/10/2025 13:23

It's understandable that you felt intruded and imposed on OP but YABU to let this fill your headspace for so long. It is only bringing you angst and making you unhappy; it doesn't impact her.

And if you have to keep reminding yourself of slights to keep your anger going, that sounds like you don't want to move on nor does it sound good for your mental health.

Life is just too short.

LoveWine123 · 17/10/2025 13:22

She's ruined your early motherhood experience...why are you letting her continue to ruin it for you. Get therapy if you need to, put some boundaries and move on with your life.

KitsyWitsy · 17/10/2025 13:22

You let her walk all over you then. You were vulnerable and your DH wasn't helpful but you don't have to keep letting it happen. You are entitled to have boundaries. Enforce them.

ComfortFoodCafe · 17/10/2025 13:22

You dont have contact with her now, kindly you need to let it go and stop letting it take over your life.

Grecianrainbow · 17/10/2025 13:20

In the kindest possible way, YABU to let her have this much of an effect on you. I completely understand how you feel she’s ruined your DC early bonding /experiences and with a DH who didn’t stand up for you that must have been really hard. But you do need to draw a line about letting her live rent free in your head and continue to affect you now.

I certainly wouldn’t be letting her play happy families without me. And the every Sunday would be knocked on the head- start going every so often. Or book things for you DH and the DC to do so you can’t go every weekend. You can’t change the past but you can change the future. (I have an over emotional MIL who cried at the drop of a hat - but I will not be manipulated and my DH has seen what she is like now instead of rolling over to keep the peace). Distance also helps.

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