To be resentful of MIL taking away all my early moments

What are you going to do about it, you.
Only you can sort your feeling out
In regards to MIL struggling, struggling with what?

You married a mummies boy unfortunately OP, IME it never goes well.

It doesn't sound like a MIL problem to me. It sounds like a husband problem. 💯
As he wouldn't support you in asserting boundaries, and instead of calling him on it, your resentment to her has festered, as she was allowed to get away with her shenanigans, and he normalised it. 😠

But this was years ago.
You are also accountable in this.
Did you assert boundaries?
Were you reliant only on MIL for support, so felt you could not rock the child-care boat? Do you have support from your own family and friends? 🤔

In future, how would you ideally like your Sundays to play out? 😇
Would you like your children to see their Granny every fortnight instead of weekly?
Do you wish that you and your DH and kids would go on outings as a family on a Sunday?
Does he put in effort towards you on special occasions, such as birthday /Mothers Day?
Or is he a pandering mummys boy and you come second?

I suspect that there is more at play her than just your MIL being a dick during your early stages of motherhood.
And my bets are the husband is a large part of it. 😣

Edited to say: I hope you're okay and please, try not to let this lady live in your head rent free. It will grind you down.
Hugs to you 🫂

You feel she ruined the early days but you are now letting this festering rage consume you and impact your children’s childhood as well. You can’t change what happened but you can stop it being an ongoing issue for you now.

Your husband is as much to blame as your MIL. He told you that her batshit behaviour was absolutely normal when it obviously was not. I can't believe that she touched your breasts and that you didn't yell at her to fuck right off. Your DH is obviously a gaslighting twat.

Stop letting him take your kids every weekend. He can go and see her on his own and do all the elderly care that she may need.

OP sounds like a bit of a wet wipe, maybe he needs a break!

Come on a dad taking his kids to see his mum on a Sunday, sounds ideal to me,

And you stayed with this mummy's boy. He enabled this shit. He's still doing it.

You're wasting your life and giving your MIL to much head space, yes she definitely over stepped the mark but you're the one that's still letting her get to you.

As others have said maybe seek therapy, but only if you're finally going to let this go otherwise it's a waste of yours and the therapists time.

That doesn't mean letting her back in to your life but moving on with yours, this must be affecting your DC even if you can't see it.

Why didnt you stand up for yrself at time? Or at least with the second child?

You need to move on. You dont have to see her, let it go for your own sanity.

Whats wrong the dad and grandkids going over there every Sunday?

I have some bitterness when family massively overstepped - and that it took DH a while to see the problems and get onboard though he did fairly quickly.

I did push back a lot and we got to an okay place with everyone but it did feel like we had to learn how to be parents have other stuff happen and also had to learn how to mange wider family.

I also avoided the see kids without Mum situation as much as possible - wasn't being pushed out of my kids lives or giving poor behavior a reward of what they wanted. I also refused to let them undemine me or DH with kids - kids learnt what we said went not other relatives.

Some of the behavior was just batshit - and relatives involved like to pretend it never happened though they were being egged on by others.

I tend to only think about it when they do something now though - like have to visit our anniversay weekend so we can't do anything despite it being rare time we actually could - or last time we went away for DH big brithday first time in years - ring every day and want to talk for hours and try and cause issue with left teens.

So you told your husband that you couldn't relax, couldn't do skin to skin & that she touched your breasts & he told you that this was normal?

He sounds horrible.

to be honest you are partly to blame here. The first time she overstepped and behaved inappropriately you should have taken action. I’m not sure why you let her adjust your breast, I would have asked her to leave the room. Plus I’m not sure what good really comes from dwelling on this some 5 or 11 years later.

100% this.

You need some therapy, I think.

Her behaviour was /is awful. But you are allowing her free rental space in your head. You need to find some peace with the urgh (maybe by focusing on what a great mum you are, how fabulous your kids are) and fill that space with marvellous stuff instead. x

She fondled your breast?!?!?! WTF?! Why didn’t you stand up and order her out of the house immediately?!?!

I would recommend therapy because I see two issues here:
1 your resentment towards your MIL which, many years later, is not helpful or productive and is negatively impacting your life
2 the liklihood that you also have unresolved resentment towards your DH that probably is still happening and that might be playin gout in different ways that you're not able to see or articulate.

@Diy322 My MIL did this when my little one was young, I managed to take about a year on and off with her and I have not seen or spoken to her in the last 2 years. And that's the way it will stay because in those 2 years she has not made an ounce of effort to see our DD. Not even a text!

I don't dwell on this. I don't think about it at all. I took my control back as early as I could and I will not regret my decision. You should try the same. She didn't take anything from you - you are now allowing her that power and so many years on too. You still raised your kids, she couldnt have been there 24/7 so you had some time to yourself. We all have the idea we will nurse and play and grow with our children in a way we think it should be, it doesn't always work out the way you think. Be grateful you're rid of her and focus on the future. Enjoy your Sundays off! 👍

I think you need to get over the word 'ruined'. You didn't like it, you found it overbearing. Your language use isn't helping you let it go and you really need to.

'With breastfeeding she would try to get involved - she would start adjusting my baby , moving my breast around!'

My God, I would have slapped her however I am guessing that you were encouraged to think that was somehow a normal thing to be doing. As a new mother you were very vulnerable.

I think, OP, that you have probably already tried to put this behind you (and obviously that is very good advise) but it is not that easy as you are posting on here for advise. I think you might have to go a bit further and forgive yourself for not standing up for yourself and also truly acknowledging the fact that you were, as a new mother, very vulnerable. I am not usually woo but maybe try a little ceremony or some kind of cleansing activity to wash this feeling of (I am guessing, violation?) off you. As others have suggested, maybe counselling or something like boxing or running to get the anger out.

YOU did absolutely NOTHING wrong. And I imagine that your husband was just persuaded by his mum that all of this was normal, he grew up with it and didn't understand that it was inappropriate.

You need to be enjoying this precious time with your children without this guilt. They are at really fun ages now. I hope you can find some things that work.

Is there a cultural issue that might explain why your DH thinks this is Ok, or why you felt you had to put up with it?

Sorry if this sounds snarky but it sounds so odd to me.

With due respect, you allowed it to happen not once but twice and now you're are still allowing her to live in your head.

Ruined bonding and maternity leave, come on - leave the histrionics out.

Only one person can change your mindset OP and that is you!

Every Sunday? Why?

I think you have a DH problem and you can’t get over it because it is still happening