To of lost it with DH

I know. It's infuriating. Why do they live like this, and why is the bar for men so low?
OP - you have facilitated this, for some reason you've become the domestic martyr. I don't know if anything can change, or it's too fat gone.
Have some self respect and talk to him about the home and responsibilities. I doubt it'll have an impact, though.

Even that guy manges to blame his mother for 'not teaching him' not to be a selfish arsehole!! 😡

Hold on.. he put the bins out “for you” ? This proper grinds my gears.. they are household bins which I’m sure he uses too, I assume he loads “your dishwasher” as well? he needs to get the fuck outta here with the “for you” .... you were right to comment!

My DH and I got into a similar thing when he pulled me up for not saying thank you for doing something. I then pulled him up for never thanking me for the over thousand times I had wrestled getting the super king size duvet into the duvet cover when I changed the bed. He genuinely looked shocked and it really did the trick.

Why are you doing all this stuff for him? He’s an adult. Split the chores between you.

My reply would be ‘since I’m owed several thousand thanks I will no longer take the bins out until we are even, nor will I thank you until I feel a tiny bit appreciated. Also, please book a day off where you will complete the activities I do on my day off, so I can have an actual day off like you think I do. You have had it so good in this family, all you needed to do is appreciate me a tiny little bit and you can’t do that. Does your mum know you want me to throw a party for you taking the bins out twice in several years and leaving me to do it every single week for the rest of those years?’ What kind of role model are you for our dc? Don’t you want them to be decent partners?’

because I’d declare war, I’m not a house slave, dh is not a god or superior being, and I do not deserve to be treated like one.

Oh and thumbs up the message calling you nasty.

Read: Fair Play: Share the mental load, rebalance your relationship and transform your life by Eve Rodsky. It's currently £3.49 on Kindle.

YANBU at all, asking for a thank you would have absolutely enraged me.
Tell him you won't be doing everything in the house anymore and he will need to start pulling him weight. That's not nasty at all. If he claims it is, that's because he's a lazy shit using your "nastiness" as an excuse to continue doing nothing.
You have to start making it awkward for him to do nothing. No clean work wear, have meals before he is home etc. Until he starts sharing the load, you don't share it either.

I don't know why or how you've drifted into doing basically everything.
Treat him like the child he is and put a sticker on his chart. Now he's been a big boy and handled taking out a bin that's 50% filled with his own rubbish, he's shown he's ready for more responsibility. Like 50% of all of it.

I really struggle to feel sympathy for women who run themselves ragged every morning and tolerate husbands who just "get up and go" to work. No bloody wonder he feels entitled. Stand up for yourself and make your husband step up and bloody contribute to the family he created!

You are not responsible for his emotions, remember that. Articulate your boundaries (‘I am not responsible for keeping this family alive and functioning on my own. It is a shared responsibility.’) Maybe split the jobs.

But stick to your boundaries and remember, he needs to deal with his own feelings and not make you responsible for them.

Stop doing anything for him, it may seem daft to just do your own laundry etc but it sounds like it’s the only way for him to realise how much you do.
Tell him you aren’t doing presents for his side of the family, planning, shopping, cooking or clearing up his meals etc etc.

OMG 😲 you couldn't be more unreasonable if you tried!!

To have lost it

No yanbu. Use this as an opportunity to sit down and have a discussion about splitting household tasks more fairly.

Starter for 10 to reply to DH.

Exactly what PP says - stop doing any chores that relate only to him. If mine was like this his clothes would not make it into the washing machine. I have also insisted mine deals with most of the gifts on his side.

Draw up a chore chart and tell him you're picking up an extra shift on that day so here is his list of 50% of the household tasks that need doing.

Or spam him with memes about shit men and a link to the zach watson mental load insta page.

There’s absolutely no question that YANBU. But you would be unreasonable to carry on as you are.

Why are you doing 95%? He’s got it very easy so is unlikely to suddenly change that. But you can stop doing the things that only benefit him. No need for an exploding row about it, just stop doing them quietly. He’s stopped, hasn’t he? Assume he never actually started doing them but same thing!

Some ideas:
Stop all washing that belongs to him.
Don’t buy his toiletries.
On that fifth day when you’ve done everything for the family, you and your children eat early and get a board game/film/whatever going. He can sort himself. Just shrug.
Absolutely NO buying his family or friends any xmas, birthday etc presents. No cards. No reminding him either.

These won’t make 45%. But they’ll take a bit off which is a start.

Seriously OP - your H needs a reality check.

you could also get this card for his next birthday, haha.

I would have lost it a long time ago OP.
I’ve had cause to tell my DH I’m not an employee (housework related) and if he wants to live with me and doesn’t like the things I do or don’t do then he can make a different decision re living with me.
You need to be the one getting angry/stern. And sulking is not ok.
What does he do for your child?

I'd be making a list of everything you do that he doesn't thank you for and asking him if he thinks he's being unreasonable. Maybe ask him if he'd like a gold star every time like a child.

A proper word needs to be had though OP, you can't keep doing everything and then managing a man child on top

Why is your split of chores so unbalanced? Especially in the mornings? Would he be violent if you suggested he do his share? Or do you enjoy doing everything?