To of lost it with DH

Personally I would go full sarcasm with this. Write a list of every single household task you have done for the week, and then sit him down whilst you stand up and read out each one. Insist he claps and says thank you after each task is read out. Do it every week until it sinks in how much of an embarrassing knob he is

YABU because you've let him do this for years and are only complaining now.

You should have pulled him up years ago, rather than grow a manchild and set a terrible role model for your children to see as 'normal'.

You need to deal with the situation properly for the sake of your kids.

Don't continue to be a doormat.

When he returned, why didn't he resume household tasks?

@HP200how unattractive is your husband, if he expects a bloody fanfare for putting a bin out! Pathetic manchild.
You need to sit him down and tell him a few home truths and get him to bloody get his arse in gear.

Excellent!

I'm petty so I'd spend the day compiling a list of how many bins I'd put out, beds id changed etc. I would print each one out on a long list so there was reams and reams of paper all round the house. Then I would put his two bin trips next to it.

What a dick.

Yes it is, to refuse to read something because of a grammar error in the title is snobbery.. It's also belittling.

This is social media. This isn't an exam paper where we expect to be graded.

This only works if you haven't married a knob.

Obviously, YANBU.

However, ‘winning’ the argument won’t make him want to change and do more so you need to think more strategically if you want him to step up and be very calm and measured. Don’t get irritated.

Tell him you do appreciate his support and can he ‘help you’ work out a fair distribution of tasks around the house. If he thinks you’re still taking full responsibility, he’s more likely to engage at this point.

Sit him down, get two pieces of paper and say ask him to write down in list order all the tasks he currently does and that you’ll do the same.

He’ll probably include all sorts of pointless stuff but don’t get annoyed at this point. Play the game and pretend it’s all fine.

Next ask him to score the items on the list from 1 - 3 with 1 being daily tasks, 2 for weekly and 3 for occasional.

If he’s a basically decent bloke, the visual list of tasks that you are currently responsible for on a daily basis should open his eyes at what he’s been happily ignoring. Some men really need these things spelling out to them. That doesn’t matter providing he finally figures it out.

Ask him to go away and review the 2 lists and come back later with suggestions about what he would change. He’ll feel ambushed if you try and hammer out a deal immediately and some men take time go process the situation. My DH is brilliant these days and totally pulls his weight but we’ve been together over 20 years and it’s been a long process and not an overnight revelation.

If he’s still refusing to engage and making lots of excuses inc. that you work one day less, then you need to think about whether staying together is worth the effort.

How many children have you inflicted this totally selfish loser on?
What is the point of him?
How can you stand living with such an arse?

Yabu for letting it get to the situation where the housework was so unequal that him taking the bins out is seen as need for thank

I just despair at these 'men children'. 🙄

It's utterly enraging when a DP/DH says they've done a chore '...for you'... 😡fuck off with that shit....you've made equal mess so you can equally clear up. 🙄

This is where women should get ANGRY. How DARE HE?

ODFOD.

A minor correction is one thing, but to actually conjugate the verb in full? Unbelievable.

Plus you made a typo in your first line when you omitted “to” - should read “I couldn’t bring myself TO read”. Glass houses, matey….

I can't pile on you because there's only one of me but had you bothered to read the thread you would of (sic 😉) seen others had already made a similar comment. However mostly in a far more polite way.
HTH 😘

Actually, it isn't.

I would tell him your Fridays at home are for child-related stuff and that in future he’s going to be doing half of the housework. Write a list of everything you do and make a timetable with jobs for each evening. If he doesn’t like it, point out you’ve been doing this for X years, without thanks and it’s time he got off his arse.

This is what we do when my DH tries anything like that. Hasn’t happened for a very long time- teenagers taking the piss out of you seems to make an impact.

Dont make lists, waste of your time. Woman up, do the jobs that need to be done for your family and nothing else. Once you’re both home it’s equal responsibility. To ‘help’ him realise how much needs to be done, identify two jobs every time you need to start one and ask him if he’d rather cook dinner or hang out the washing? Bath time or tidy the toys? Feed cat or put bins out? Eventually he should realise these household jobs need to be done without being allocated. And if he doesn’t, bin him because he is not prepared to be an equal partner in your relationship.

I honestly didn't realise it was so bad until I read all these stories on MN.

Good grief. 40 years. I wouldn't tolerate 40 minutes. Seriously.
I'm 65, been married for nearly 40 years to a man who is an immigrant from a culture where women are second class. You know what? In all these years he has not only shared domestic tasks, but initiated them. Why? When we first got together we decided how we were going to live and I made it clear that I was not going to be the skivvy!
He agreed. We have shared responsibilities.
We've been very happy, because we have both actively contributed to a good marriage and raising children with a similar outlook!

Why are men like this? Why do they think that there one job they have done, often really badly, is so much more valuable than anything else a woman has done? My STBXH has stonewalled me for two weeks because I asked for more help around the house. It just makes leaving him easier.

It's snobbery.

Yes, you are absolutely right.
The title itself made me enraged.

However, OP, YANBU at all. I don't understand why feel you ought to put up with such shit from this man??
Who DOES he think he is? Is the sun shining out of his arse??
My husband is 75 and doing absolutely what he can (also heavy work I wouldn't do, btw). I cannot imagine him saying he did something in the house "for me". I don't use this either.
Lastly, if you can practically and emotionally split up, I would go for it and live by myself.