To of lost it with DH

You think that’s subtle?? That level of passive aggressive roundabout telling me you’d done some housework and thought you deserved praise (this last bit is lit up in neon lights, subtle my arse) would drive me totally crazy. The absolute last thing I would do is thank you, it wouldn’t be possible. I’d probably suggest if you vacuumed more often, say like actually enough to have a clean house, you’d get used to the noise.

Please explain why.

I don’t directly ask for a pat on the head. It’s more subtle…eg when DW gets home i might say “I always forget how much noise a Dyson makes”. I haven’t stated that i’ve hoovered an insignificant area of the house…however i expect a compliment to follow. Men are weird.

Instead of apologising just stop needing to require thanking in the first place.

It's not that difficult ffs.

Using the phrase repeatedly for the next few days should nip it in the bud. I fed the kids for you, darling. I went to Tesco for you, walked the dog for you, cleaned the bathroom for you, etc. Ugh.

He should be doing his fair share of the work of household chores AND his half of childcare (assuming the children are both of yours) every day, as a matter of course. If he works longer hours than you do (and/or if one of you has extra responsibilities outside of the house like school, caring for an unwell relative, a longer commute, etc.) factor that in. You may end up doing more than half of the work in a typical week (because of having that extra day off from your job) but NO WAY is it reasonable for you to be doing 95%!!! It comes across like he thinks he is more important or his time is more valuable than yours. That's wrong.

List out and divide up all the responsibilities together and then agree on how to split them up fairly - no nagging, no reminding, each person does their tasks and asks for help when needed. Then thank each other when one of you does something on the other person's list in order to help out in a pinch.

Well said you! Just because someone made an error, or struggles or even just doesn't know doesn't mean that they don't have something to say.

I just wish that people who have an issue with grammar moved on, rather than used it as a chance to be snobby, lecture or pass judgement. It's being mean for the sake of it.

I don’t think it is something to lose it over.
my DH and I say thank you all the time for everything we do around the house.
maybe he’d like that sort of relationship

it’s fair that if he expects thank yous for what he does, he should give thank yous for what you do. Your point that you’re owed thank yous is a good one,

It may seem silly to many to do this but my DH and I grew up in abusupive households where everything we did was mocked or triggered a beating. So for us, we are balancing that out with expressions of appreciation and positivity.

Lol, the poster didn't struggle, she was using it as a lecture! Come on, any other straws you want to grasp here?!

It really isn't. Has it occurred to you that perhaps people who struggle to process things visually might have problems reading it themselves? A massive wall of text with no punctuation, paragraphs or capital letters is horrible to try to read, and more often than not that's what's lurking behind a thread title like this. I'm certainly not going to waste my time looking at three screens' worth of word soup and neither should anyone else have to. That's why people don't click on thread titles like that, it's nothing to do with snobbery.

There's really no excuse for making this error. Everyone knows it's "have", it's pointed out every single time someone does it.

Hurrah ! Thanks for saying what I wanted to.

If people don't read posts without perfect SPAG titles or posts they aren't getting a full view of life

I agree 💯💯💯. There's no point getting irate with him because it solves nothing. Probably if she divorces him, she will be poorer and worse off.

It is snobbery to a, not read it and b, to point out because of grammar errors this is why they will not read it. She thinks she is better than the OP.

It is such a clear case of snobbery! You do know snobbery means that a person thinks they are better than others, be it social class, education and wealth yeah?
She thinks she's better than the OP, amusingly so after making her own error too.

By the way, the OP said she has dyslexia. So some folk pointing it out 'every single time' is just not useful and I don't think for a second she doesn't 'give a shit' or being stubborn.

Stop doing anything for him.
You are not a team.
Hell, this isn't a marriage.
He's a lazy selfish loser.

No laundry, cooking or shopping.

Rethink your marriage.

It’s not snobbery. As the PP rightly points out many people won’t even bother to open the thread, leading to the OP not getting as many views or the advice she may need. Usually a title like that has a wall of text without paragraphs and/or punctuation hiding behind it, and they can be a huge hassle to read and focus on.

I don’t pretend that my grammar or punctuation is perfect, but I don’t understand why people are still making that error when it’s pointed out every single time, other than that they either don’t give a shit about making their post readable (in which case why should anyone care about reading it), or they’re just being stubborn for the sake of it.

What a pathetic excuse for a man

the crazy thing is if you mentioned getting a cleaner he wouldn’t agree. I’ve seen people on mn say their partners assume things will get done even if they don’t do them but want them done. They also assign them to their kids but won’t lead by example. Do your kids do much op? Do they help much? A very controlled family meaning where you say when you were in school you never dreamed of being a housemaid needs to ensue but the focus needs to be on him as much

He needs a reality check, this does not sound like a partnership at all. Teamwork should be to support each other and pick up the slack without hesitation. Stop doing everything, he'll soon realise how much you actually do.

Does he thank you for everything you've done?

I’m a man and also seem to require thanking for doing really menial chores! It’s a weird trait and i apologize to DW when i realize i’m being a tw8t.

True. But it makes it obvious very quickly if he is one

Indicating that things were more 'evenly spread' before he worked away?

Why didn't he get back into the previous routine once he was back from working away at his VERY IMPORTANT JOB?

Suggesting that he knows perfectly well what chores need doing and that he's perfectly aware that he's shirking.

did you mean
sorry I couldn’t bring myself TO read your post?
or are mistakes just fine when you’re the one making them? Funny how many people are like that. Hard to respect any of them frankly.

OP, I would definitely take a moment to think about how you want to use that ‘day off’. In your position I’d be really pissed off too. I would have a think about household job distribution, hand him a few extras and mentally book yourself in a few hours actual downtime once a week on your day off. Also, if you can manage it without having an argument, have a chat with DH about all the stuff you’re doing

Excellent, he has done you a huge favour! Through his actions he has shown you that your work while is expected but not valued (don't accept a pat on the head but real action)

Time for a reset so that you aren't the house manager but you are co manager with him and equally responsible for running the house and family.